Sunday, December 28, 2008

Time: Unscientifically speaking

The universe is very complicated piece of shit to explain.

So, i'm going to explain it in a non-scientific way, if I may.

Here goes:

Time is change. Every entity in the universe changes. As a consequence of changes of all entities, time was born. As long as the universe keeps changing, time will continue to exist. Change how? You move your finger one hundredth of an inch, that's a change and time moves along with you. Theoretically, if all entities within this vast universe stopped moving - down to every last atom, electron, particle, muon, pion and gluon - time would stop as well. To record such moments would be totally impossible. This theory could probably explain the fact that time will always go forward, not backwards.

In an other semi-unrelated topic, the existence of time has its consequences. Or say, its "byproducts". So far, I've managed to identify two: Progress and Procrastination (there's actually a better word than "procrastination" but i can't seem to remember what. We'll just go with it at the moment).

Progress is when entities change accordingly, at the prescribed rate (let's say the rate which God decides the universe to enforce). Progress may occur in a cycle.

Procrastination can be described as delays: two types - the positive delay and negative delay.

Positive delay is when the rate of change occurs is reduced, slightly or more than slightly, than the originally intended rate because it is necessary. It may be necessary in order to prevent something or have something changed in the desired rate, let's say to synchronize with other entities. For example, the use of kryton switches in nuclear bombs as time fuses so the nuclear atom collides at a specific rate so it would achieved critical mass and then blow shit into the stone age.

Negative delay, of course, is to reduce the rate of change or stop them all together for no specific purpose nor intentions. This means inhibiting change of entities just for the sake of inhibiting. It could be perceived as an attempt to slow down time, which is not possible because slowing one or few entities is highly impossible and unimaginable. The true nature of this negative delay is still far from me being able to grasp - i may need time (ironically) to figure this out or maybe i won't be able to figure it out at all. It won't do it any justice to dismiss the delay as a result of bad intentions just because of the word "negative" alone. Negative here could be referred as an inverse of the latter (y'know, positive reinforcement + negative reinforcement from edu. psychology).

Lately, time has occupied my thoughts. It occurs to me how some moments were disappointingly fast and how some were painstakingly slow. I would like to write more on the stuff: the meta, the analogies and stuff. If so, then I'd be writing a term paper - which I'll need to attend evening classes in Physics, Astronomy and Chemistry to substantiate my arguments. There is a seeding interest in astronomy lately. Must be from those hours watching Discovery Science.

"Let's forget we're running out of time" - Clockwatching, Mraz.

Another to the wishlist


Friday, December 26, 2008


Sometimes you can hear it ringing in your head.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Table tennis: guys and gals

Im in a hurry right now


I'd like to ask anyone who is reading this if you are interested in playing table tennis with me this weekend at Intec.

I'll try to get the sports hall on saturday mornings (oh no! Mornings! My sole weakness!).

If can, you guys could bring your own paddle. I don;t have the budget to get more than two.

Leave a comment if you guys are interested.

Kthxbai. C ya.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


If I had a piece of land and a large sum of money,

I would build a training ground.

Training terrorists. I foresee a huge demand for martyrs.

Business will be good.

Oh, the results are in? I checked. Its neither up nor down. Its there where I like it. I dont care. Its a pass. Thats all that matters now. What? I cant hear you. You're

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Double Standards

This is regarding the recent landslide disaster.

The rich people demands that they should be placed in nearby hotel. Yeah, thats ok. What's not ok is that they also hope the government to pay for the expenses.

What the HELL?

Why do you use your own filthy money? Or ask your insurance company if you have any? Or just stay with the other victims at the nearest relief stations.

What the hell? Snobbish Pricks!

Choices. Gosh.

Its one of those time when I am free and have nothing to do. Aside from usually remaining in a vegetative state like I always do, I think about the endless questions in, mine and yours, life.

What do you want to be in the future?

....I want to be everything.

A musician, a teacher, a scientist, a soldier, a writer, a hero, a pilot and others.....

Until I came, crashing down hard, to an epiphany (highbrow word for realization).

I can only pick - if not few - one.

The one you pick will define you. The future of your futures. Most people say it depends on your calling. What if one has not received the calling? It would mean that we would have to re-assess the previous events in my life.

I used to want to be a scientist. However, science and maths is like oil and water to me. The last time I managed to solve an inverse quadratic equation was a rare moment of glory - celebrated in a small party which I was the only guest and only host. The last time I worked on a equation for a chemical reaction of two or more compounds during some chemical process I can't remember feels like a bicycle pump lodged in my head of which had me eating my own shoes in the end. The last time I did both simultaneously feels like hurling myself from a plane and then landing anus first on top of KL Tower.

Then, I felt like being a soldier. A military man. A man of honour. But then again, it seems like the royal army looks like a bunch of morally questionable thugs.

So you say it boils down to whatever talent you have. My talents? Well, I'm pretty good at hurting my self-esteem and my waistline. Im also good at being cynical and telling people off. Can't see how's that much of use in choosing a profession. But, life's choices such this isn't always about professions and raking in the big money. Its what you make of yourself. What kind of person you wish to be?

Where do you go from here?

That's the million dollar question. says I'm a Cool Non-Nerd.  What are you?  Click here!

Im a dumb thick meathead? Whoa.....

Pure Pwnage: 1981-2008

Troy Dixon a.k.a T-Bag a.k.a Terrance Brown has recently passed away earlier this month.
It was a car accident. He was one of the Pure Pwnage cast.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

whoops!.....ohai everyone!

Its been quite a day.

First, I made a dumb mistake. We were supposed to have a small reunion today but I had mistaken the time for 10 a.m. It was actually at 10 p.m. So, it was embarassing really.
However, Sahara was kind enough to invite me to lunch (a free lunch!) that afternoon with her siblings and cousins. And I did bought her a drink, desperately trying to compensate for my idiocy.

I had so much to apologize for. I apologize for not reading messages carefully. I apologize for the awkward lunch because I had so little to say. I havent contacted any friends from the old days for quite some time. I apologize for the inability to be friendlier with your siblings and cousins.

Next time, I'd really have to pay attention to txt messages.

On a lighter note, the package I ordered came few days ago. I have my own copy of Left 4 Dead. Two free mousepads, and I didnt even pre-ordered.

It came as a surprise. I was worried when my parcel came in thin. I thought only the mousepads had made through the rough cargo trip. In fact, it was a gimmick. The game contents were packed in an envelope like one of those huge Laserdiscs (y'know. the CDs with the size of dinner plates...) It is poster-sized huge with the title embossed in shiny laminate.

Now, lets go to the pressing matters. My financial forecasts: I am going to be broke in January due to my indiscriminate spending. A copy of Left 4 Dead, plane tickets, new guitar strings, a capo (what do I need that for?) and other stuff. There's the bills, rent and other expenditures I have to take care of at the beginning of January. Not to mention being one week late for class.

Damn. Always read thoroughly. Especially the fine prints.

A sound poem


Saturday, November 22, 2008


To all friends of mine,

I will not be online for the next few weeks because I'm on holiday and going to spend most of my time at home. There is no net connection at my home because my dad cancelled the line due to certain technical difficulties.

To those of you who need to reach me could do so through my mobile phone number. I will be pre-occupied with my chores and duty as a long-returning son.

Let me take this opportunity to wish all of you a happy holiday. Its been a great semester. Nice working with you guys. Nice talking to you. Nice to know all of you. I'd like to apologize for any wrongdoings that may have caused significant discomfort through the semester. I'll be looking forward to return next semester and meet all of you again.
Thank you.

Any inconvenience caused is regretted upon.


Cramping some Style

To me, playing DoTA is like being a social smoker.

When I'm by myself I don't actually play the game. But when friends come to the house, of course, I'll play by request. To honor the guest they say.

I have nothing against the game, even though it causes a 50 sen price hike on most cybercafes around KK, other games are often given a pass - leaving servers empty and why not many would want to play COD4 with you because they're so busy buffing up "characters" until they forget what we are playing for > pure exhilarating social fun. Yeah, you'll see them rebuke their friends at the smallest folly for making them miss a kill. Cussing seems mandatory.

As a gamer, I'm quite versatile and flexible. I can play most games from diverse genres, "specializing" (ed - "konon") in FPSes, RTS and stuff with shooting and blowing things up. Like TF2 or COD4.

So, I'm up for invites to anything you could throw at me. Just give me time to practice because I want to know what I'm playing - all to make the social experience smooth without any dragging people down or the likes of it.

Friday, November 21, 2008


The universe is infinitely vast and it is impossible to pinpoint one's position in the vastness of space.

Have you ever asked yourself:

Where exactly is "here"?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Responsibility #34: Is the money well-spent?

Yesterday, I was having some great time touring around the big city, Kuala Lumpur (well not "around". Just some parts). We went to the Museum and the Bird Park. I'll write more on that later when I have the photos.

At the end of our tour, we went to a megamall (Midvalley). Stopped by at MPH and grabbed a few books. Bill Bryson's is a great read. I'd recommend it. So, before having dinner I went to the IT section of mall, because my real objective of getting into the mall. That is where my heart broke. Into pieces.

As I was browsing through the products sold in those shops, I can't find what I was looking for thus prompting to ask for the shopkeeper's assistance:

"Kak, Left 4 Dead masih ada stok ka?"

"Alaa, sori la dik. Dah habis. Lagipun dia baru launch semalam. Kalau nak, boleh order tapi kena tunggu lama sikit la."

Ok, that was a letdown. Yeah, I know. You would tell me to look for it in Sungei Wang or Damansara. The game was greatly hyped and there a pre-order promotion where you'll get 2 exclusive mousepads; one during your pre-order, another during redemption. For RM 138. I should've pre-ordered but the demo was released to the public pretty late for me to justify and draw conclusions on the damn thing. Those mousepads are not bad either. Although not your ultra-precision stuff but it does a good job being a pad while being a limited edition to boot. And for 2 of the stuff. I was kinda disappointed.

However, there is always a moral to the story. I get to reconsider my options. Do I really need to spelunk RM 138 for a game? What repercussions will I face if I spend the money on the stuff? What does "repercussions" really mean? Is playing 4 chapters over 2-3 hours worth RM 138? What else I could do with RM 138? Have I forgotten about my "future plans" (which involves something truly serious)?

Each semester, I would purchase at least one original copy of a game as to reward myself for making it through the semester. Its also a step towards supporting my passion. Its not like I've abandoned piracy. I just don't buy pirated materials. I download them. I borrow from friends. But once in a while, i'd like to spend for my passion. RM 130+ is not small money. Its big. Very big actually. I could not afford them. Seriously. However, they make a wonderful collection rather than the pirated versions. Plus, I get to enjoy the full features of the game as well as consistent product support and ease of use that only comes to those who could afford it. The primary motivation here is collector's value.

They do look good on my shelf.

It looks like im going to order online and suffer financial stress early next sem. Gosh.

Responsibility #34: Is the money well-spent?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

This could sound a bit cliche but i'm going to write them anyway:

"Its neither backwards, up, down, left nor right but forward"

"One that finally ends truly begins"

"Walls can be the better neighbours"

"Everything goes to the highest bidder"

- Yours Truly

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Sahara tags people. How unusual.

The last person to tag you is?
Which one? This is rhetorical. Sahara. (oh, Izza did tagged me. Do that one later).

What relationship of you with him/her?
We're Friends.

Your 5 impressions towards him/her.
1) Unusual
2) Not dumb
3) Elegant (i think)
4) Sometimes I think she can be quite arrogant
5) beautiful (this is so cliche).

The most memorable thing that he/she had done for you.

Sorry, can't remember. Oh yea, she paid for my drink at Coffee Bean.

If he/she becomes your lover, you will…

still be the same.

If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...
still be the same.

If he/she becomes your lover , he/she has to improve on..

whatever she thinks needs improving.

If he/she becomes your enemy , the reason is...

I need someone to be really mean to, like always.

How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
Never asked. Must be terrible.

The character for you for yourself is?

Lazy, insensitive and apathetic.

The most ideal person you want to be is?

My Dad. Simple and now a content, fulfilled man.

For the person who cares and likes you, say something about them.

Thank you for your time. I like you too. Kthxbai.

Ten people to tag
1. Those who read this, [looking at bloggers list on the right]
2. Syud
3. Tajul
4. Elvie
5. Dedz
6. Jess
7. Aisyah
8. Izza
9. Hafriz
10. Aimi

Who is no.2 having relationship with?

with Pie (Tesl)

Is no.3 a female or a male?

If no.7 and no.10 be together would it be a good thing?

I dont know

How about no.5 and 8?

Oh. That must be really hawt.

What is number 1 studying ?

When was the last you have chat with them?

Cant remember.

Is number 4 a single?
Currently single.

Talk something about no.2.
She writes a funny blog.

Intermission: Those dreadful times

The end of the semester is marked by the end of yesterday's sociolinguistics paper. It was easy actually and if only I read the book. Well, we all fuck up sometimes. Yes? No, I fuck up almost all the time.

So, here are a few suggestions to the things to do before I go home - being back home means a lot of work to do so lets get to the brainstorming:

1. I could fuck myself up with junk food, stay indoors and play games until I develop severe carpal tunnel, muscle cramps and RSI.

2. Go on a trip with friends. Gotta check my finance.

3. Start on a project to do this holiday. Miniature building, learn new songs with the guitar or start brainstorming for the short story competition by MPH.

4. I could revise, re-write and refine my research proposal for future reference. Toilet manners is a serious issue and we need to educate these people.

5. Start my own weight loss programme. Dont want to buy me a pair of new trousers.

6. Write something poetic. Or to hell with that. I'm a cynic, not a poet.

Times like these are the worst. The quiet times. The calm. We tend to hate being in the middle of the semester because there is a lot of work to do. But the hectic days keep the mind occupied. Its times like these that I dread the most. Its times like these that forces you to catch up with the world around. It tells you to grow up. It tells you to move on. Time like these that makes you wonder what the future has in store for you. You think about the future. You think about a lot of things.

It makes me feel helpless. I don't want to grow up. I don't want these times to end. The end of a semester is not always a good thing. We leave behind those precious times. I hate that feeling. I hate the feeling that my time is running out. I wanted to do so much. I wanted to be so much.

Before the semester is really over, I'm going to stand on the tallest point. And look back at the precious moments one last time. I'm not sure I ever can ever come back. I really want to come back. If only those moments are willing to wait for my return. That's all I could hope for: if they are willing to wait for me.

Friday, November 14, 2008

no caffeine involved

i'm tossing and turning in bed. I can't sleep. Its not because I'm studying for this morning's exam.

I'm thinking what's going to happen the day after today. And the day after it. And the rest of the days after that day. The future. Its quite a lot to think about. Its worrying me.

I should clear my head now. Didn't study properly for this morning's paper. I should at least be prepared to suck badly.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

the Challenge

Good at solving puzzles?

Try this:

If you can finish this without cheating (referring to internet forums), you're a fucking genius.

p/s: I managed to reach Level 10 at the time of posting this blog. Still a long way to go. Its a bitch of a puzzle and took the three of us (me + eric + wawan) to get there.

Try before you buy

The Left 4 Dead demo is available for download on Steam (see my sidebar or just go to Its a total 3.4 Gb and it will only be activated on the 18th Nov (means you can't play until then).

I'd say

"Either two:
Strong enough to face it,
Strong enough to walk away from it"

"Dumb people are people who do not realize they are
do not know what 'dumb' means"

"Death is not the greatest loss in life.
in fact,
The greatest loss would be the inside of us dies while we live"

-Yours Truly

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Unless there's milk and cookies....or a copy of Fallout 3...

Yes, I'm being immature. (Hah! Got you first!)

Its seems that everyone is rooting for Obama, somehow it made me feel obliged to hop on the bandwagon and chant his name all the way back to Papar. Giddy-up! It is clearly obvious that I'm not interested with this whole wagon thing.

Let me make this clear: I'm not in anyway against Barack Hussein Obama II. I have no reason to resent him. He does a have a good history and comes from a good background (unlike that other guy, who currently sitting in the White joint). He has been contributing a lot when he was a Senate in Illnois. Ok, here's a list of some of his achievements:

  1. Graduated out of Harvard Law School and taught Constitutional Law in Chicago Law School. (He was a qualified educator, not like some nitwit I know who went AWOL for national service.)
  2. Helped created legislation for electoral fraud (which involves some nitwit), nuclear terrorism, care for returned troops and climate change (?).
  3. He was one of the senates who opposed the policies proposed in the Iraqi War by the Bush Administration (yea, i know. The "B" word is offensive to some), in which he spoke of changing the government's social and economic priorities.
  4. For nature conservationists, enthusiasts and environmentalists out there, its my pleasure to tell you that Obama voted in favor of the Energy Policy Act of 2005.

Yea he seems like a good guy. I congratulate the Americans for their choice. I think its better than having some unqualified nitwits performing undeserving jobs running the White House. It looks like im rooting for this Obama dude....well, seems like I have to. Or I don't.

All I'm hoping is, them literally being one of the biggest superpowers on the planet, he could ease the global economic strain. Heck, even oil prices is causing a goddamn ruckus here. And thats just one vital economic resource. We're not even touching on inflation, food prices, trade flow (whatever that is) and other stuff. Unless these things happen soon, I think I'm not really excited about the dude.

"Yes, we can."

Oh, yes you fucking can!

p/s: At least he's far more intelligent and charismatic than the previous sad excuse for a monkey.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Politically [insert adjective here]

Its funny you can hear to the darndest things while talking to complete strangers on the net. One night when I was playing Team Fortress 2 on a local server, a bunch of local players were talking on the voice chat, were like:

(I could not remember the actual specific detail, but this is the rough account of the experience)

After failing to capture the objective for 10 mins.......

Agent K: C'mon la guys. Lets go. No man's an island.

Neverwish: Yeah, no man's an island. Actually, a man is a country.

Agent K: Like Singapore.

Me: Is Singapore an island?

Neverwish: Yeah, Singapore is an island............

Neverwish: no, actually, its a big nipple out in the sea. A big red nipple. Its a big red pinched nipple.

Me: LOL!

Agent K: Whose nipple is it?

Neverwish: Malaysians.........

and then they went on blasting each other and make fun of the Russian players.......

Its funny how these people can give politically witty comments while playing something that is least educational. They were funny and I enjoyed playing with them. I could care less about whats going on with that Obama shit and stuff.

p/s: boy those russians have bad ping. And they dont talk much too.

Friday, October 31, 2008

her story

An old friend of mine IM'ed me the other day and she asked me to read a short story she wrote in her blog. She said that it was written when she was feeling sad, meanwhile, at the same time, unexpectedly, strangely enough, she asked me if it was funny.
Well, she asked me what I thought about it. I thought it is interesting and thoughtful. For those who are interested, the story goes like this:


Have you ever felt a man you love has abused you in a lot of ways?

The way you think, the way you talk, what you wear, the decisions that you make and wherever you want to go?

The ugliest woman is a woman who doesn't have confidence in herself. The one who is so vulnerable to the things surround her. Who gets an inch to jealousy and insecurity when a man tells her about how she looks and what he likes.

A woman like her, lives in a small world of her own far away from everyone else. Because, she doesn't really know if she can handle every judgments and ideas of her life. To her, everything is just a lie. Everyday becomes hundred years to go.

A man should come to woman's life and make her feel beautiful. However, how much does a man need to do to build or create a woman's fairytale?

A man, is selected among all other stars in the sky. When he came down to the earth hundreds of thousand years ago he was nothing but a man who got his mind straight to his point.

Whereas, woman was selected among all other fishes in the sea, and she was then called the mermaid. The sea was too cold thousand years ago and the mermaid decided to swim to the land for a new life.

One day, the man saw the mermaid and fell in love at first sight.

They had a baby.

Mermaid's scales came off from her body after 50 years and they lived another 2,000 Naked Years.

Civilisation started soon after and clothes were made to men n women.

They were wearing Tiger branded dresses for hundreds of years until Leopard skins became popular.

Mermaid realised, Man has lost a slight interest of her. She cried everynight hoping Man would fall in love with her again. Everyday, she looked at herself into the river and asked what was wrong with her?

Mermaid felt sad and became very sick.

They got older and older and older. And Mermaid was still a very distraught woman.

Before Mermaid breathe her last breath, she asked Man why had he lost interest in her.

Man answered, "because you looked a lot better when you were naked".

Then she died.

(Created, copyrighted and sole property of by Sara the Aristocratic Adventurer, in 2008. I'm merely hosting this webpage.)


First of all, this story is not actually funny. I find it to be quite a serious one. If I was to point one funny bit, it would be when people switched from "tiger brand to leopard skins". ok, Im not here to analyze this story because that's so dumb and I did that so many times in goddamn literature class. So, to hell with that. I'm here to comment.
I think this one's quite good actually. I can actually feel the thoughts that go through the whole writing. There are a couple of faults here and there, but nothing to be fussed about. One thing, there's sadness to this story. i don't know what she meant by funny. The ending which is:

"because you looked a lot better when you were naked".

...reminds me of, well, me. And us. Everyone else too. Our youth is the most exciting part of our lives. The best. We were 'naked'. Exposed. Pure. We are who we are. We were learning. We discover things, and ultimately, we discover ourselves. It reminds me the joy I have for writing. I wrote quite a lot back then. I didn't write about fiction. Not about world issues. Not about national concerns. Neither on oil prices. Politics? Thats far out.

I always wrote about the things I see around me. Narrative in first person perspective. I scrutinize them. Like, " Who's that girl sitting in the teacher's desk?" "What colour is she wearing?" "What's she doing?" "Who is she and what's she really like?" "Who's that guy?" "What time is it?" "what am i Supposed to do?" "What's that noise?" Why am I stupid?" etc.
Well, I wouldn't actually say that my writing was top class. My language was not that good. It was fragmented, choppy and sometimes out of syntax and redundant.

What matters is: I captured the moment.

Not with pictures, medals, landmarks or awards. But with words. Words that will be re-written (or probably not) and re-read. Those words which are vivid to those who were there. Writing things the moment it happened can be a lot better than writing epic poetry. It is a memory for one to keep.

"Civilisation started soon after and clothes were made to men n women.

They were wearing Tiger branded dresses for hundreds of years until Leopard skins became popular".

This part reminds me how much people change over time. Clothes are like the new 'us' that we gradually develop/adopt in the process of growing up. It is meant to hide those things that make us 'naked', like a mask. And then, some are meant to make us strong. Some are made to attract. And some are meant to be fake. We become dependent to these 'clothes' that we forget, and ultimately, abandon who we really are. But there's no one to blame on that. We constantly change, so much that it is hard to keep track of it all. And we forget.
Like how Tiger brands are replaced by Leopard skins.

Want to know what's the saddest part? She believes that I could write nice stories.

I couldn't. At least, I couldn't write one with the way I am now. I don't even remember when's the last time I wrote something good. Most importantly, I don't even remember since when did I start writing pieces of crap. I forgot my dreams. Yes, I did dreamt about being an engineer but that was because of expectations. I dreamt of being a writer, writing what matters to me.

"Please write from your heart this time"

Heart, huh? Now where did I put the damned thing?

Oh, boy.

This is gonna take a while.....

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Words. You'd wish there was more.

I was listening to Jason Mraz's "Did You Get My Message", last night. In the first verse, he sang "have you ever wondered what happened to the words that we send?". And i thought what happened to the words that we said? Are they lost among the other words we speak? Do they change from bending and breaking in the flight that they take? Do they remain?

The next morning, I was texted by an unknown number, starts with +614, go figure. It goes "is this irwan?". Ah, an old friend. Its been long since I had anyone address by my first name. I asked 'em back who it is then the reply was something familiar, "her name is desert type. Oh, how bizzare. What a clown..." Oh, its her. Then there was something about getting coffee together with the other guys when returns and stuff.

******* ******* *******

In the evening, she buzzed me on my IM. It was quite surprising, given that we havent said anything for quite a long time. We talked about how words should be written more, when we couldn't speak. She lamented that she wrote a lot therefore she found it hard to speak.

"but when u write more, u speak more"

Then again, the outcome was quite contradictory. The more we write, the more we speak - in our minds. How is it possible? Is it possible? Because of writing, we speak less, reduced to moving our hands about desperately trying to get something across.

We'd ask ourselves, "what happened to all the words that we said?"

Do they bend?

Do they break?

And then come back together again? (Jason Mraz)

She said, "It brings back all kinds of memories". and the other things she thought she was missing out. Wishing she could observe the surroundings and when the moments are written down in words. The words.

I wish I could go back and write down the feelings I have....(Suddenly, this sounds familiar)

She mentions that she read my diary, again. (I used to have a "journal" which I use to write down things that happen, things I see and anything I think of writing about. At first, it was private. Then, it became less personal and I let some of my friends read them. Turns out they enjoyed it. Wish I could write something like that.
A year or so after finishing school, she insisted that I'd mail it to her. Which I did, because I thought I may not be needing it anymore).

It was embarrassing. Then we'd talk about friends whom we haven't heard for quite some time. Right before we ended our chat, I said:

"Always write a copyright reminder for everything you write".

Then, she insisted me to go to her blog. And, there, I found (or saw) it........

A page of my diary. What she wanted to show is that my name is cited:

"This diary is a sole property of Irwan Huzen Matusin.Created and copyrighted in 2000 by Irwan Huzen Matusin. This site is hosted by...."

Thats not just my name. Not even nickname. Its the whole bunch. I am not at the liberty of revealing the blog's address, because it is embarrassing. Yet, I find nostalgic. How I was honest, pure and straightforward. And how I wish I could write like I did back in the days.

Smile for the screenshot!

I have to say this: if you like FPSes, you're on a budget and you have a not-uber-powerful PC; the Orange Box is the best thing you could ever spend your money on. Its not just 5 great games in one but a whole lot more. There are a lot of other mods out there that can be a standalone game by their own rights. Here's a few: Age of Chivalry (warfare of the middle-ages), Insurgency (intense realistic urban combat), Zombie Panic (zombies vs. survivors) and much much more.

I was playing on a local server, one night and cant help but notice something. Every player was wearing a birthday hat. Everytime you blow someone up, their gibs (definition: chunks of meat) are replaced with present boxes, ribbons and other stuff you'd get for clobbering a pinata. Blood spatter? They got em replaced with balloons. I guess this is one of those parental control custom file mods, reducing the amount of in-game violence.

he was kind enough to pose for the screenshot.

the pyro too.

the heavy too.

I find this post pointless.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

No pun intended

lawl! No offence to Izza's blog. I just find this amusing.

Monday, October 20, 2008

MG-42: Exposed

This is an elaborate disassembly of one of the world's most prominent and reliable general purpose machine gun system ever made, the Machine-Gewehr 42 (or widely known as the MG-42). It provides an effective machine gun solution during World War 2. It is lightweight, portable, easy mounting and has a high rate of fire. Some of its advantages is the barrel can be easily removed and replaced in events of overheating. Overheating became very common with the weapon due to its rate of fire: it is said to be 1200 rounds per minute. This explains how the outnumbered Germans managed to outgun the Allies during the Normandy beach landings.

Pah! Show Off!

Towards the final week of the semester, everyone's striving hard to excel in their studies (or just plain struggling trying to complete assignments on time). Well, mostly trying to finish their assignments on time because of their lack of initiative, which leads to extreme procrastination and then having them whine in regret that they should never postpone work that could be done in a couple of days and should always start early. This, happens only towards the of the semester. A new semester means resetting their brains back to their original shameless procrastinating self which is very shameful for a couple of university students to act like a bunch of shameless schoolchildren who shamelessly procrastinate their homework and then at the final moments they managed to conjure a shameful piece of work (there are some who gave up and prepare themselves for the inevitably shameful "F'" in their transcripts which then in turn having them shamefully repeat the same subject of which shamelessly they would fail again) and submit the shameful piece of cow pudding the lecturers, shamlessly, and then put the whole university to shame with such piece of shameful work of which they have to grade and finally, feeling shameful, compare with other universities where the students have the decency to start their work early and compile them weeks before submission. Shame on you. And me.

A lot of the others also whine about the loads of assignments towards the end of this semester, which in turn makes this post a cliche and less than unique. However, I'm not going to impress anyone with the ramblings on the consequences of my silly uncurable (incurable?) gamete disease of pro-cras-ti-na-tion. But I'm going to write about something that will impress me (or people who are like me, good luck finding them). In the midst of the hectic final weeks of study, I am able to find time to satisfy my inner gaming geekiness. I am to gloat of my recent achievement. Observe:

This is my steam account page

Steam rating of 10. Thats a minimum of 30 accumulated play hours.

By this, I am prepared to face the severe consequences that will be severely inflicted on my grades, again.

I am told that bloggers are a group of unique monkeys. Just like you and me.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

My side of the law

I don't think I going to delete the last post by our guest blogger, Eric.

First, I think it could provide some humour.
Second, a reminder of how vulnerable we are on the net despite being hidden behind a computer screen.

Spamming is highly unethical in the net. Spam only when in contempt.

Friday, October 17, 2008



Heart Broken



Wonder what's with all this nonsense?
Im still crying over the last post.

It only costs USD 21.95 and I could talk with my dad - for his credit card. I can afford to pay for that!!!

Working BB replicas of G36s, M249s and P90s all within my grasp yet taken away by the limitations of the national legislation against firearms (and its replicas).

I shall eat Ice-Cream while watching endless DVDs of chickflicks. Because I am sad and heartbroken.


Airsoft: For Passionate Geeks, Like Me

It has always been one of greatest fascinations: firearms. Yes, you may say that I watched to many movies, I've played too many games and I've dreamed one too many dreams. How can a mechanism that sends small projectiles flying through the air at high speeds be interesting? I don't know. What I do know is boys like me are often fascinated by technology and the mechanics of how particular machinery works. I don't even know what I'm talking about.

What do you do, when you're a guy like me, who love firearms but do not want to hurt anyone in the process of collecting them?

The Answer is : AIRSOFT

Airsofts are replicas of firearms that actually shoots (not bullets, but little pellets called BBs). These guns come in two flavors: battery powered and gas blowbacks. I can't tell the actual difference in performance of the two. What amazes me is the striking resemblances of the airsofts with its real life counterparts. The magazine is loaded the same way. Every little details are crafted to near perfection. Its like they're made by the same mold. There are differences, though, from the real ones:

1. They're made of plastic.
2. They're lighter.
3. When fired, no muzzle flash, no recoil.
4. Most noticeable, the tip of the barrel is marked red or orange - I assume its a part of regulations to enable law enforcers to identify them as non-lethal replicas.

Here's one of my favourites, which costs USD 21.95 (USD 19.50 on sale):

This is what I believe to be the replica of G36 from German's H&K. Its a spring airsoft, which requires you to cock for every shot. Spring airsofts are the most low cost and easy maintenance of all airsofts due to the absence of the need to replace batteries and gases, also there's few parts to disassemble.

Here is the real life model - A G36C (A C variation because the barrel length is reduced for close quarters operations). This one has a 30mm launcher attachment below the barrel.

My second favourite is the M249 SAW, with this one pricing at USD 499 (USD 375 on discount, GOSH!):

This airsoft has a large portion of metal parts, which explains the price. Here's a little background: the M249 SAW (small automatic weapon) is a light machinegun meant to be portable and flexible for the infantry to carry into combat. Fires 5.56 mm rounds, weighing around 5.1 kg (w/o ammunition), touted as SAW because it is believed to be able to cut a man in two when fired fully auto. Currently by US Marines as a part of infantry (used to suppress enemy infantry).

Below is the real M249. Looks pretty much the same, isn't it?

This is also on my wishlist, the FN F2000 (USD 139.00):

For those of you who are familiar with splinter cell, the FS2000 could be a familiar face. Its a Belgian made 5.56mm bullpup (a bullpup is a rifle that has its mag and action behind the trigger). The airsoft model is actually the basic model. It is bulky but it looks like one of those futuristic sci-fi rifles, straight outta Halo.

This is the real thing. The FN FS2000 (with an "S") . This one has a mounted scope sight and an underslung 40mm launcher.

I think I could afford the price, given that I'd save enough money for months (and not just a few months, say I'll have to get a PT job). However, there is always a catch for all things good - spoiling the fun and joy. Malaysia has a strict policy against firearms and its replicas (even the non-firing ones too). So, it means attempting to own, transport, and sell one of these will have them consfiscated and you facing legal consequences.

I have thought of smuggling one of these babies but the risk is just too big. I really really wanted these for a long long long time. Maybe I should work hard for paintballing equipment. I heard there are modification that can make your paintball gun to look like an MP5 or an M4.

The Belgian P90 PDW. The most awesome modern SMG, ever.

The unrequited love that I know will never work. I am heartbroken.

Monday, October 13, 2008

First Tag

Say it like you mean it! YAY!

Got tagged by Izza (thanks mate!) . I don't get tagged quite often so I'll be doing this.

10 Food I really long for:

1. Fresh Celery and peanut butter
2. Nasi kosong berlaukkan harapan.
3. My sister's specialties
4. Mee bandung and Nasi putih
5. Soto/bakso and nasi putih
7. A can of cream corn
8. McFlurry! Now they have berry and mudpie!
9. Mamee Tomyam + Telur Goreng + Sayur + Sosej+Tauhu + Squid Roll +Etc -
10. Izza's chewy cookies (LOL!)

10 stuff I like to do

1. Play PC games
2. Toilet reading
3. Collecting stuff
4. Playing my guitar and then sing. Sometimes I just do either.
5. get some alone time.
6. Lie down
7. Do something unexpected
8. Offend people
9. Surprise others
10. talk trash

5 types of women I adore

1. Women who tell me where I went wrong, politely
2. Ones who are humble yet proud
3. Ones who are strong but also delicate at the same time
4. Ones who are "different"
5. Ones that know when not to talk so much

5 things I do when feeling down:

1. Lie down
2. Laugh to myself
3. Alone time
4. Play dem PC games
5. Taking long walks or long bus rides

5 things I do when I'm happy:

1. Talk. A lot
2. Play my games (pwning & don't mind if im losing)
3. Treat myself to something
4. Sing out loud
5. Hang out with frens

10 ways to win my heart

1. be genuine
2. respect yourself, and me in the process
3. Tell me where i went wrong and help me
4. Tolerate the people around me (family + frens) cuz I can't stand them either
5. criticize but never ridicule
6. My boots don't need shining. Say it only when you mean it.
7. be moderate
8. I think I shouldnt be too demanding, to be realistic.

5 junk food I enjoy

1. some of those sour strips (blue, preferably)
2. Dried guava (is this junk? Its full of vitamins they say)
3. Mangga muda with serbuk asam Tanjung Aru-style
4. Rice crackers (again, is this junk food?)
5. Ice-Cream

5 things I wish could happen soonish

1. Payday
2. The best day of my life
3. Me on stage singing with me guitar
4. Weekends and ultimately, holidays
5. The day I become a good man

10 ridiculous things I wish to do before I kick it

1. Go to war, get involved in urban combat and see how long I can last.
2. Walk through a number of interstates. Hike, I mean.
3. Blow up an old building. Bye bye National Heritage. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
4. Be world champion in something
5. Get into a fistfight and emerge victorious
6. Have a gun collection (at least some Airsoft)
7. Write a book on something that makes me a controversial figure.
8. Kick someone in the ass, literally.
9. Using my superior skills, sneak into an establishment (preferably government's) and break into private areas, then get out undetected. Sneaking can be the ultimate thrill.
10. Get on top of the tallest building and shout "PRICK!!!" at the top of my lungs

10 recent songs / music I'm really into:

1. Mr. Curiosity - Mraz
2. Beautiful Mess - Mraz
3. Eye of the Tiger - Rocky OST
4. Sultans of Swing - Dire Straits
5. Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson
6. Unplayed Piano - Damien Rice & Lisa Hannigan
7. Cliffs of Dover - Eric Johnson
8. Have you ever been mellow - Olivia Newton John
9. You have killed me - Morrissey
10. Honest Questions - Daniel Bedingfield

Im tagging:

1. I don't know anyone who haven't been tagged yet. So, if you're reading this, considered yourself tagged. Do comment when you do. Don't be shy.

Oh, yeah. Here's some:

2. Puteri Nurul
3. Im's
4. Jess
5. Amanda


Sunday, October 12, 2008


This post is for the people who matters the most but often forgotten. but they're not dead yet, mind you

I am a lucky child. I have a hardworking dad (like, super hardworking. Can't sit still for one second.). A crabby yet concerned and caring mom. A big sister who does what a big sister does. A quiet, yet highly demanding little sister. And a special little brother.

Although I don't call you guys often, I'd like you to know I have always loved being in the family and I will return to this family once i'm done doing what I wanted to do with my life.

(its seems that they are not aware of this blog. Sooner or later, then.)

back to work....

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Today's horoscope

Today's Horoscope reads:

"The best way to ensure that you have more money later is to start saving more of it, now! This simple rule seems logical, but logic usually flies out the window when you are standing in front of a new gadget you want. So today, start a new trend. When you are tempted by a new goodie in a store, just say no! It might feel like the entire gravitational pull of the earth is forcing you to plunk down your hard-earned cash, but it's not. You have the power to improve your spending habits."

"...logic usually flies out of the window when you are standing in front of a gadget you want..."?

Damn! How true!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


Exactly at 11.30 a.m., I received a call from Mr. Malek from HEP and he said "Can you meet me at the counter, ASAP?"

I was like "huh"?

I ask what this is about and he said "oh, takde apa-apa. Datang je".

That doesn't sound good. Is it because the hours I skipped? The fines I havent paid? Do I go to the disciplinary board for a trial?

What did I do this time?


Monday, October 06, 2008

we have a situation

not going to blog about raya, about feelings or about how depressed im getting lately. its about the love for my home state. It goes like this:

"Kebanyakan ahli politik Sabah berkecimpung dalam bidang tersebut kerana ingin mengumpul harta kekayaan dan menyusahkan rakyat semata-mata (tapi, alhamdullilah, masih ada sebilangan kecil yang berusaha ke arah kemakmuran negeri di bawah bayu yang tercinta).

Antara kata-kata emas yang sangat digemari dan menjadi rutin untuk memberi penjelasan terhadap isu-isu tertentu:

"Kita berserah kepada kerajaan persekutuan".

ehem ehem *code switching*

We have a George W. Bush Situation happening here.

Majulah bangsa Demi Negara!"

There you go. I'm done. Now, let me get back to dealing with my depressing life.

Some advice

Whenever someone tells you that love can be complicated and depressing, you shut up and listen.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Chart Topping

I have yet bested myself this semester. I have an accumulated 8 hours of class which I skipped so far. My best run so far. Here's how it sums up:

1. Reading = 3 hrs
2. Creative = 3 hrs
3. Curriculum = 1 hrs
4. Research = 1 hrs

Last semester, I did 4 hours. In my 3rd semester, I did 1 hour (it was phonetics). i dont know if that's worth mentioning.

I don't how long I'm gonna keep topping myself. "WHERE IS THE ROOF ON THIS THING?"

Monday, September 22, 2008

Huzen the Super Pyro

It was a well wasted weekend. I spent most of the time playing Team Fortress 2. I've been playing so much that I can hardly get it out of my head. It rings in my head when I'm idle, see them in my sleep and suspiciously suspecting a spy to be in every corner. I have accumulated a large amount of steam for the past few weeks. Conveniently, the game helps me blow a portion of the steam away. There was a lot of excitement playing around local public servers.

I've been playing between two servers: Starhub (based in Singapore) and Boleh VPN All-Talk (Malaysian). It was a distinct experience playing between the two. Players at Starhub are the usual players. Skilled and very competetive. The work well with others and they are the usual ethical bunch. Playing at VPN is another story.

I was in second place. One of my best runs. Me team-player.

VPN players are, let's say, lively. I think its because this is the only server that allows All-Talk (it allows to voice chat). First of all, they are very skilled - reminds me the first time i played the game and I played in this server. Second, the guys playing in this server are a funny bunch. Most of the time I played, I'll hear some funny tidbits from the voice chat. How one of them squeal like a little girl in a desperate attempt to escape from being pummeled or burned to death. And then there's the occasional "Owh my gog!". "You don't mess with NyamO (nyamuk i guess). Also, I find it amusing to hear their running commentary while playing the game. From time to time, they also provide advice to me. Seeing im a such a noob, one will lead me by being a medic behind me and signal for an uber when necessary. Its quite fun playing with these guys, fun with all the jokes and being creative in our tactics (or just plain stupid).

Pushing the cart. With a taunt.

Team Fortress 2 is a great game but the real fun lies in the people you play with. Its not all about the skills but its how you play the game that adds the colour. Yeah, I do enjoy a competetive game from time to time but its rather enjoyable to be playing with your own set of fun rules and have evrybody follow suit - ( there was once when the whole server of 20 people played melee - no weapons - just because I requested it. We were punching, batting, axing our brains out.)

I just torched a spy.

Monday's here. Back to earth and to the usual, again. OMG. A 4-page Literature Review due Tuesday and I barely started. What do I do?!

Friday, September 19, 2008


OMG! Article Review for Research Methods due before 5 pm today! Must not click STEAM icon.....

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Prove me wrong

Most big city people are assholes.

God Almighty, please prove me wrong. Please.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Last Dinosaur 2

I don't have the slightest ideas why is this video called "the last dinosaur" (probably dude's with the skillz have extinct?). Its just amazing that i had to post it. Credits to the author of this video for the high quality cinematography and cool techno music. A tribute to a classic tournament.

According to Williams and Moran (1989):

" Skills are abilities which has been automaticized and operates largely subconcious..."

What you're going to see in this video are people who are skillful in their trade. Like superskillful. Most of the footage has been set to slow-mo so we can see whats going on and what technique is being used. These players have amazing reflex and a quick mind. Everything happens in a rush where the players demonstrate their ability of decision making at blinding speeds.

The real difference between ordinary gamers and the pro-gamers does not lie in their accuracy and speed: its how much you know about the game and how creative you are in unleashing the unexpected.

Seriously, using concussion grenades to get in to capture a flag and get come i didn't think of that?!!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008


There is hope for a poor-penniless-bastard-on-a-budget like me. This is Crysis on a laptop with AMD Athlon 800 mhz, 1 GB RAM, and a 64 MB video card. I could live for another year or two without spending big.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Is it a virus? Or just plain funny?

Computer viruses can be the source of grievances for many. It is treated with contempt and often with extreme prejudice (extreme prejudice through the numerous time re-formats and the paranoid of plugging your USB drive into someone else's computer).

Then again, I found some viruses can be quite amusing. Recently, a virus made its way through in Najib's laptop. It could be serious, it could be annoying and most of all, it can be funny. Yeah, you read it right. FUNNY.

I'm not sure if the virus tampers with files but it does something hilarious. Everytime Najib wants to point the mouse cursor over to his My Computer icon on the desktop, the icon moved. Yes, it moves away. No, let's say, it evaded the cursor. Like an inch away. Najib again tries to point - thinking he might clicked by mistake - and it evaded him again. LOL!

The funniest part is when it quickly turns into a cat-and-mouse chase trying to click the icon (well, a mouse-and-icon chase actually). It was really funny and we spent minutes laughing as we tried to chase the icon across the screen. I was like:

"Jib, kalau ko dapat detect tu virus jangan dulu ko delete ah. Saya mo save dalam pendrive. Siuk tu".

I was wondering if I could plant a few in computers in our classroom. It could be good for a few laughs. Imagine when someone wants to do presentation, with the LCD on, frantically chasing icons. Lecturers are possible victims too.

Then again, its still a computer virus. At the time writing this, we still have not identified the virus and its actual behaviour also still unknown.

Hope Najib tells me before deleting. It could be a good keep. I used to have an old pendrive where I keep a sample of Brontok.wmmd and some other virus i cant remember.

Friday, September 12, 2008


I am beginning to suffer.

Why? Because I procrastinated.

Its in my system.

Don't procrastinate. Once you do, its hard to go back.


This is not suffering. This is a fish.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Retail Therapy

Went shopping with frens yesterday. Bought expensive stuff that I dont really need. Now, I'm experiencing mixed feelings of guilt, glee, regret and joy. With dat money, I could buy a lot of other stuff. Stuff I really need like new shoes, clothing and some underpants. Thank goodness that its fasting month and I don't have to spend money for lunch

No baju raya for me this year.

Eric bought a new kick ass keyboard (tamau kalah la tu!), wawan bought a new headphone and we all bought webcams!..........what am I supposed to do with webcam? Indiscriminate spending, again!

Friday, September 05, 2008

Burnout: A Newer Low

Last semester was the starting point for this suckiness I'm going through. This semester is no different. I think it has just gotten worse. Last semester, it took six weeks into the semester for me to realize that i need to study (or do any work whatsoever). This semester? 8 weeks. 8 goddamn weeks. Now, i'm beginning to feel the smelly heat of my negligence. And I'm going to suck balls really hard, like last semester.

First, I failed my curriculum test. Second, I got average score for my Methodology in Reading (6/10). I thrashed my sociolinguistic test by not answering a 10-point worth question, now I'm waiting for the announcement of my failure. I'm left far behind in my creative writing assignments. Oh yeah, I even botched my Research test. I don't know whats going on in my literature class. The only thing I did right was my French role-play (Thanks Khai. For the last minute adjustments - sorry couldn't help you finalize our script).

It seems that I'm experiencing something known as BURNOUT. Some of the symptoms are like the following:

1. I am lazier than ever (sorry Jazlan, Kich, and others). I'm always late. And my attendance is something to be worried about.

2. I'm not paying attention in class. I let my mind wander. Even if I did, only for a brief moment and I won't understand anything. My brain refuses to learn.

3. I'm not really enthusiastic about anything now. Food does not excite me anymore. Eating is just a burden that I have to go through.

4. Review? What review?

5. I keep feeling depressed and always moody. I may not be listening to what you're trying to say to me. Please repeat what you said. Sorry.

6. I want to go HOME. Now.

There are times when I feel like giving up. If I could take a semester off because I don't want to learn anymore. My academic life is like a wheel: so many ups an downs. I did good in PMR and sucked in SPM. I sucked in my Foundation then rocked in my First Year. Now, sailing through fifth sem, I start to suck and go all QQ and stuff like that.

IM TIRED OF EVERYTHING!!! I wanna go away!!!........*whine whine rant rant*

Its feels like I'm going to fail a subject this sem. But that could be a good thing - I might have to extend a semester :)

Academics is not the only thing I do in life. I have other things too. Its just so important for some plan I have in the future.

I just hope the long fall is going to give a huge momentum at the end of the fall to uphill again.......

Thursday, August 28, 2008


I can't say I had a rough day but I sure feel a bit exhausted with everything. French class quite a drab. I don't blame the lecturer. She's a great lecturer and she's loved by many. Its just that I'm not really in the mood to learn anything today. So, I discovered a weaver ant scurrying about my desk and decided to play with the little thing.

Recently, I've uncovered the Macro function on my cameraphone. What it does is that it enhances the images of small objects in photos. Setting the Macro has the camera auto-focuses on a small target objects. It great for taking shots of miniature objects or if you're looking for detail in texture.

I think I just got a good shot from this angle (I'm using this photo as my wallpaper)

It seems to be agitated and ready to squirt formic acid into my eyes.

Its quite aggressive, even when it is alone. This reminds of an experience of being caught in an angry swarm.

I would also like to spread the news that a family member of our Sociolinguistics lecturer has finally met The Almighty. Al-fathihah. We were supposed to have our test today.

I hate myself because someone had to pass away so that I could get another 2 hours of sleep and another chance to prepare myself for a test I couldn't get myself adequately prepared for.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Is that...? Not the same song again....make it stop...

Its funny how the most pleasant of all things - and feelings - can be the most painful gut-wrenching affliction any man (and woman) can suffer. How many people out there who's been through the same thing over and over again, and how many have sworn that they would never do it again?

How many lonely and sleepless nights? All the lies and the fights? And you'd think, "why the hell would anyone would put themselves through that again?"

You say it is painful. You say it is cruel and bitter. And the way it pays you back for all the faith you had in your brain.

How can this be the one you say you need the most? When it leaves you feeling like a ghost and there you are wanting to never be sad and lost again.

There's simply no immunity. It could happen to you like it happened to me. There's no guarantee.

Then someone would ask you (or you yourself), "What do you have?" And you would say "I have a lot. But I have nothing to offer - according to you and possibly me".

Then someone would ask, "Who are you?" And you would say, "I'm just a guy. She's everyone's sweetheart. I'm just a guy. That's all you, them and her would ever see. Just another guy having a go at it." Just another guy.

So another would ask, "should we care?". And you would say, "Do you want to care? I dont think you should. After all, I'm just a guy. Who is having go at it. Should be of no significance at all. You probably have something more important to do."

They would again ask you "Does this mean you're backing out? Giving up?" And you, with your face held up high, reply, "Common sense tells me that I should, given the odds. Then again, I couldnt possibly do that. It feels so right that I would be so much of an ass to give this one up. I could end up in regret and being miserable but thats not a big deal. The bigger deal is that you don't find something like this everyday. Not even in years. It comes in what you call "once in a lifetime".

"Its not because of the good prospects, the beauty or the perfection of it. Its simply because it feels so right. And it happens when the least I expected. Caught off guard. I'm not sure if there's any way to explain these in those things you call "words" or those bunch you call "language" but the only way I could make you understand is for you to experience it yourself. Now that's problem: because when it happens to you, I couldn't possibly comprehend the gibberish of what you're explaining because it is a sensation so UNIQUE, so SPECIAL, for people other than you to understand."

Its that song again. Its so beautiful. Now, listening to it made the sensation grew stronger.

This thing deep inside of me is starting to swell, bloat and about to explode. I'm not sure how long I can stay sane considering the circumstances. And I'm not really good at hiding things.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Something to remember

Sure reminds me of something sweet. Sweet Memories.

Somehow, I felt that what happened that night was sweet. And Cute.


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

To make your day

lIm kinda bored. I should be writing about something important (whether I genuinely care or not. Most of the time not). So today im just gonna list down a couple of smacktalk I learned over the time ever since I've been a gamer.
Smacktalk is the art of telling people off, while in the heat of competition. You could use it to taunt people, insult them, or just annoy them. They say if you want to smacktalk, smacktalk like a gentleman. A gentleman is three things (1) Polite, (2) Grammatically Correct and (3) A gentleman.

1. You remind me of ghey.
2. Kiss dogs with tongue and everything.
3. Banana Stench Monkey Salt licker.
4. Your mom.
5. Someone who sucks called, they want their skills back.
6. *honk honk* is that the schoolbus? (referring to the noobschoolbus)
7. You just got schooled.
8. I just saw on CNN/Fox News on how good you are.
9. If I'd be you, I'd be losing.
10. You Uncoordinated Ball of Ghey
11. Holla Holla get Dolla
12. Are you on the keyboard?
13. I can only take you to water.
14. I think you should take the controller from your mum.
15. Are you playing the same game as I am?

There's probably a lot more which I couldn't remember. A taunt is effective when either two happens: (1) the taunted has no idea what you're saying and feels seriously stupid about himself, (2) The taunted gets the the idea of what you're saying and is strongly gobsmacked by it.

I should post about the local version I always use.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Topic for dicussion: The Noob Effect

Issues in gaming and entertainment from a pro gamer point of view. Its a bit vulgar and non-sensical. May seems like a ripoff from The Punctuation Effect. Watch this video:

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Television just got spanked!

Its here! OMG! It Finally Here! OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!

Pure Pwnage Episode 17 has finally went out for online viewing. Pure Pwnage is one of the best webshows ever made by two Physics students. I wish TV could be this good. In case you're wondering what Pure Pwnage is like, I've added a video in this post.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


I think I just made a new word. The word is:


It is derived from the combination of two words: What & Why.

This is silly. The word itself sounds silly. I shouldnt be making new words when there's actually no real purpose of doing so. I feel bad.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Guys, Listen to Me: There is NO Chain.

Recently, i went out for lunch with a female friend of mine at 18. We talked about her recent relationship which turned out rather badly. Honestly, I really think that this was it. Her relationship with this guy could really work this time. The guy had what it takes plus he is ready and willing for the big "commitment". I think everything was set in the right places: she got to know his family and he got to know hers, he has a solid stable job, and they were in love.

But its sad how everything turned out NOT like how we hope them to be. They had an argument over the phone (this was not unusual, mind you). Everything was as the "usual" until he said those words:

"You know. You're JUST LIKE HER"

...and that was it. It hit her really hard. Thats when she finally had to draw the line, which she did reluctantly. She know and I know that the man had a bad history in relationship but that was not the point.

The man was living in his past. He compared her to his previous flame. Or he was hoping that she was her. I learned a very valuable lesson in our conversation:

"A new love is a new story everytime. No matter how vague or similar the circumstances are, they are different. She is different. They are not the same person no matter how identical they may be."

The past are not supposed to linger in the present. But that doesnt mean they should be forgotten. We should learn from the past and it should give us something to think about. The past should never burden you. You should never hurt your other half just because you were hurt by someone else.

BTW, she's doing fine at the moment and she's taking a break from having any relationship whatsoever. Please guys. Dont let it get it to you.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

I'm learning? WOW!

I learned something new today. And im going share to you what I've learned:

How to pick locks (padlocks)

You're going to need two paperclips. Bend em like shown in the following photos.

You bend 'em as close as you can. Leave the gap as little as you can. This is the Wrench.

You bend the other at 90 degree angle. This is the Shim (I think).

Insert the wrench on the bottom (notchless side) as deep as possible. Apply some tension with your thumb. Be careful, not too strong.

Then, insert the Shim on the notch side as deep as you can.

While holding the tension on the Wrench, rock your Shim so it knocks up and down. This is the trickiest part so you'll need to figure this out on your own.

It takes some effort to get it done. Voila!!! You just picked a lock! Congratulations and pat yourself at the back or head.

p/s: difficulty may vary from lock to lock because of tread and notch variety. And this method applies to the conventional padlocks (not including square key padlocks).

p/s/s: I may not be responsible for break-ins. Use knowledge at your own discretion. Im deleting this post as soon as break-in reports starts to skyrocket.

p/s/s/s: The internet is serious. You could learn a lot from the web, you are responsible for your own actions.

p/s/s/s/s: I just learned something awesome. Its awesome. No. Yes, it is. No. Shut up.

Sounds like English to me

I just learned a new word today:


It is an imaginary ambulance that could rescue from incessant whining from trivial matters.

E.g.: "Better call the whambulance. Stacy broke her nail again."

It may also come in the form of WHAMBURGER: imaginary food given to people who whine 24/7.

E.g.: "So what he cheated you and ran off with your friend? Do you want some whamburger and some french cries?"


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Why men just cant WIN

I read this in Malay Mail, it goes like this:

1. If you work too hard, there is never time for her. If you don't, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

2. If she has a boring and repetitive job, its exploitation. If you do you should get off your ass and find a better one.

3. If you get a promotion ahead of her, its called favouritism. If she gets promoted ahead of you, its called equal opportunity.

4. If you mention how nice she looks, its called sexual harrassment. If you dont, its called male indifference.

5. If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you dont, you're not being thoughtful.

6. If you cry, you're a wimp. If you dont, you're insensitive.

7. If you make decision without consulting her, you're a control freak. If she makes one without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

8. If you ask her something she does not enjoy, its called manipulation. If she asks you, its a favour.

9. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're self-centered. If you dont, you're a slob.

10. If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egoist. If you're not, you're not ambitious.

11. If she's had a headache, she's tired. If you had a headache, you dont love her anymore.


Its that time again...

I dont know anything about women or what really happens during their "PMS"es and im not going to make any wild asssumption. One thing i do know is: the MOODINESS. That i can totally understand.

In fact, thats whats really happening to me right now. Im being moody. Its like I have these times where i get moody just like that. Like waking up feeling everything is not alright. And for some reason, im being moody pretty often lately.

Whenever I am moody, the following things happens:

1. I dont feel like talking.
2. I dont want to make eye contact.
3. I run away from people.
4. I walk around a lot.
5. I wont probably say hi to you.
6. I space out quite often.
7. I want to be alone.

And i always end up hanging around around the INTEC Square far off and remote from Edu Fac (the one near the bus port). There are a number of people there but I dont mind. Its kinda amusing y'know: "The best way of getting privacy is to be surrounded by strangers". In my moodiness, I often avoid people I know or people who know me so that INTEC hangout is such a great place for me.

What worries me the most is that the moodiness occurs a bit too often. One minute im laughing, flirting and being a douchebag, the next i'm quiet and refuse to communicate. Whats happening? Am I under stress? Its just 4 weeks into the semester. Am I having an emotional breakdown? If yes, why and what for? Maybe I didnt ask the Almighty after prayers as to why this is so.

The moodiness also sets in whenever I am experiencing mental blocks (times when I cant produce ideas when I goddamn need them). I really hope this is not a sign of me "giving up" on whatever it is im doing.

Dad's idea of dealing with unethical drivers. Watch out for road rage.