Its funny how the most pleasant of all things - and feelings - can be the most painful gut-wrenching affliction any man (and woman) can suffer. How many people out there who's been through the same thing over and over again, and how many have sworn that they would never do it again?
How many lonely and sleepless nights? All the lies and the fights? And you'd think, "why the hell would anyone would put themselves through that again?"
You say it is painful. You say it is cruel and bitter. And the way it pays you back for all the faith you had in your brain.
How can this be the one you say you need the most? When it leaves you feeling like a ghost and there you are wanting to never be sad and lost again.
There's simply no immunity. It could happen to you like it happened to me. There's no guarantee.
Then someone would ask you (or you yourself), "What do you have?" And you would say "I have a lot. But I have nothing to offer - according to you and possibly me".
Then someone would ask, "Who are you?" And you would say, "I'm just a guy. She's everyone's sweetheart. I'm just a guy. That's all you, them and her would ever see. Just another guy having a go at it." Just another guy.
So another would ask, "should we care?". And you would say, "Do you want to care? I dont think you should. After all, I'm just a guy. Who is having go at it. Should be of no significance at all. You probably have something more important to do."
They would again ask you "Does this mean you're backing out? Giving up?" And you, with your face held up high, reply, "Common sense tells me that I should, given the odds. Then again, I couldnt possibly do that. It feels so right that I would be so much of an ass to give this one up. I could end up in regret and being miserable but thats not a big deal. The bigger deal is that you don't find something like this everyday. Not even in years. It comes in what you call "once in a lifetime".
"Its not because of the good prospects, the beauty or the perfection of it. Its simply because it feels so right. And it happens when the least I expected. Caught off guard. I'm not sure if there's any way to explain these in those things you call "words" or those bunch you call "language" but the only way I could make you understand is for you to experience it yourself. Now that's problem: because when it happens to you, I couldn't possibly comprehend the gibberish of what you're explaining because it is a sensation so UNIQUE, so SPECIAL, for people other than you to understand."
Its that song again. Its so beautiful. Now, listening to it made the sensation grew stronger.
This thing deep inside of me is starting to swell, bloat and about to explode. I'm not sure how long I can stay sane considering the circumstances. And I'm not really good at hiding things.