kthxbai

To all friends of mine,

I will not be online for the next few weeks because I'm on holiday and going to spend most of my time at home. There is no net connection at my home because my dad cancelled the line due to certain technical difficulties.

To those of you who need to reach me could do so through my mobile phone number. I will be pre-occupied with my chores and duty as a long-returning son.

Let me take this opportunity to wish all of you a happy holiday. Its been a great semester. Nice working with you guys. Nice talking to you. Nice to know all of you. I'd like to apologize for any wrongdoings that may have caused significant discomfort through the semester. I'll be looking forward to return next semester and meet all of you again.
Thank you.

Any inconvenience caused is regretted upon.


Kthxbai.

Cramping some Style

To me, playing DoTA is like being a social smoker.

When I'm by myself I don't actually play the game. But when friends come to the house, of course, I'll play by request. To honor the guest they say.

I have nothing against the game, even though it causes a 50 sen price hike on most cybercafes around KK, other games are often given a pass - leaving servers empty and why not many would want to play COD4 with you because they're so busy buffing up "characters" until they forget what we are playing for > pure exhilarating social fun. Yeah, you'll see them rebuke their friends at the smallest folly for making them miss a kill. Cussing seems mandatory.

As a gamer, I'm quite versatile and flexible. I can play most games from diverse genres, "specializing" (ed - "konon") in FPSes, RTS and stuff with shooting and blowing things up. Like TF2 or COD4.

So, I'm up for invites to anything you could throw at me. Just give me time to practice because I want to know what I'm playing - all to make the social experience smooth without any dragging people down or the likes of it.

Question

The universe is infinitely vast and it is impossible to pinpoint one's position in the vastness of space.

Have you ever asked yourself:

Where exactly is "here"?

Responsibility #34: Is the money well-spent?

Yesterday, I was having some great time touring around the big city, Kuala Lumpur (well not "around". Just some parts). We went to the Museum and the Bird Park. I'll write more on that later when I have the photos.

At the end of our tour, we went to a megamall (Midvalley). Stopped by at MPH and grabbed a few books. Bill Bryson's is a great read. I'd recommend it. So, before having dinner I went to the IT section of mall, because my real objective of getting into the mall. That is where my heart broke. Into pieces.

As I was browsing through the products sold in those shops, I can't find what I was looking for thus prompting to ask for the shopkeeper's assistance:

"Kak, Left 4 Dead masih ada stok ka?"

"Alaa, sori la dik. Dah habis. Lagipun dia baru launch semalam. Kalau nak, boleh order tapi kena tunggu lama sikit la."

Ok, that was a letdown. Yeah, I know. You would tell me to look for it in Sungei Wang or Damansara. The game was greatly hyped and there a pre-order promotion where you'll get 2 exclusive mousepads; one during your pre-order, another during redemption. For RM 138. I should've pre-ordered but the demo was released to the public pretty late for me to justify and draw conclusions on the damn thing. Those mousepads are not bad either. Although not your ultra-precision stuff but it does a good job being a pad while being a limited edition to boot. And for 2 of the stuff. I was kinda disappointed.

However, there is always a moral to the story. I get to reconsider my options. Do I really need to spelunk RM 138 for a game? What repercussions will I face if I spend the money on the stuff? What does "repercussions" really mean? Is playing 4 chapters over 2-3 hours worth RM 138? What else I could do with RM 138? Have I forgotten about my "future plans" (which involves something truly serious)?

Each semester, I would purchase at least one original copy of a game as to reward myself for making it through the semester. Its also a step towards supporting my passion. Its not like I've abandoned piracy. I just don't buy pirated materials. I download them. I borrow from friends. But once in a while, i'd like to spend for my passion. RM 130+ is not small money. Its big. Very big actually. I could not afford them. Seriously. However, they make a wonderful collection rather than the pirated versions. Plus, I get to enjoy the full features of the game as well as consistent product support and ease of use that only comes to those who could afford it. The primary motivation here is collector's value.

They do look good on my shelf.

It looks like im going to order online and suffer financial stress early next sem. Gosh.

Responsibility #34: Is the money well-spent?

This could sound a bit cliche but i'm going to write them anyway:

"Its neither backwards, up, down, left nor right but forward"


"One that finally ends truly begins"


"Walls can be the better neighbours"


"Everything goes to the highest bidder"

- Yours Truly

Sahara tags people. How unusual.

The last person to tag you is?
Which one? This is rhetorical. Sahara. (oh, Izza did tagged me. Do that one later).

What relationship of you with him/her?
We're Friends.

Your 5 impressions towards him/her.
1) Unusual
2) Not dumb
3) Elegant (i think)
4) Sometimes I think she can be quite arrogant
5) beautiful (this is so cliche).

The most memorable thing that he/she had done for you.
Sorry, can't remember. Oh yea, she paid for my drink at Coffee Bean.

If he/she becomes your lover, you will…
still be the same.

If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...
still be the same.

If he/she becomes your lover , he/she has to improve on..
whatever she thinks needs improving.

If he/she becomes your enemy , the reason is...
I need someone to be really mean to, like always.

How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
Never asked. Must be terrible.

The character for you for yourself is?
Lazy, insensitive and apathetic.

The most ideal person you want to be is?
My Dad. Simple and now a content, fulfilled man.

For the person who cares and likes you, say something about them.
Thank you for your time. I like you too. Kthxbai.

Ten people to tag
1. Those who read this, [looking at bloggers list on the right]
2. Syud
3. Tajul
4. Elvie
5. Dedz
6. Jess
7. Aisyah
8. Izza
9. Hafriz
10. Aimi

Who is no.2 having relationship with?
with Pie (Tesl)

Is no.3 a female or a male?
male.

If no.7 and no.10 be together would it be a good thing?
I dont know

How about no.5 and 8?
Oh. That must be really hawt.

What is number 1 studying ?
dunno.

When was the last you have chat with them?
Cant remember.

Is number 4 a single?
Currently single.

Talk something about no.2.
She writes a funny blog.

Intermission: Those dreadful times

The end of the semester is marked by the end of yesterday's sociolinguistics paper. It was easy actually and if only I read the book. Well, we all fuck up sometimes. Yes? No, I fuck up almost all the time.

So, here are a few suggestions to the things to do before I go home - being back home means a lot of work to do so lets get to the brainstorming:

1. I could fuck myself up with junk food, stay indoors and play games until I develop severe carpal tunnel, muscle cramps and RSI.

2. Go on a trip with friends. Gotta check my finance.

3. Start on a project to do this holiday. Miniature building, learn new songs with the guitar or start brainstorming for the short story competition by MPH.

4. I could revise, re-write and refine my research proposal for future reference. Toilet manners is a serious issue and we need to educate these people.

5. Start my own weight loss programme. Dont want to buy me a pair of new trousers.

6. Write something poetic. Or to hell with that. I'm a cynic, not a poet.



Times like these are the worst. The quiet times. The calm. We tend to hate being in the middle of the semester because there is a lot of work to do. But the hectic days keep the mind occupied. Its times like these that I dread the most. Its times like these that forces you to catch up with the world around. It tells you to grow up. It tells you to move on. Time like these that makes you wonder what the future has in store for you. You think about the future. You think about a lot of things.

It makes me feel helpless. I don't want to grow up. I don't want these times to end. The end of a semester is not always a good thing. We leave behind those precious times. I hate that feeling. I hate the feeling that my time is running out. I wanted to do so much. I wanted to be so much.

Before the semester is really over, I'm going to stand on the tallest point. And look back at the precious moments one last time. I'm not sure I ever can ever come back. I really want to come back. If only those moments are willing to wait for my return. That's all I could hope for: if they are willing to wait for me.

no caffeine involved

i'm tossing and turning in bed. I can't sleep. Its not because I'm studying for this morning's exam.

I'm thinking what's going to happen the day after today. And the day after it. And the rest of the days after that day. The future. Its quite a lot to think about. Its worrying me.

I should clear my head now. Didn't study properly for this morning's paper. I should at least be prepared to suck badly.

the Challenge

Good at solving puzzles?

Try this:

http://www.deathball.net/notpron


If you can finish this without cheating (referring to internet forums), you're a fucking genius.


p/s: I managed to reach Level 10 at the time of posting this blog. Still a long way to go. Its a bitch of a puzzle and took the three of us (me + eric + wawan) to get there.

Try before you buy

The Left 4 Dead demo is available for download on Steam (see my sidebar or just go to http://www.steampowered.com). Its a total 3.4 Gb and it will only be activated on the 18th Nov (means you can't play until then).

I'd say

"Either two:
Strong enough to face it,
or
Strong enough to walk away from it"




"Dumb people are people who do not realize they are
and
do not know what 'dumb' means"


"Death is not the greatest loss in life.
in fact,
The greatest loss would be the inside of us dies while we live"

-Yours Truly

Unless there's milk and cookies....or a copy of Fallout 3...

Yes, I'm being immature. (Hah! Got you first!)

Its seems that everyone is rooting for Obama, somehow it made me feel obliged to hop on the bandwagon and chant his name all the way back to Papar. Giddy-up! It is clearly obvious that I'm not interested with this whole wagon thing.

Let me make this clear: I'm not in anyway against Barack Hussein Obama II. I have no reason to resent him. He does a have a good history and comes from a good background (unlike that other guy, who currently sitting in the White joint). He has been contributing a lot when he was a Senate in Illnois. Ok, here's a list of some of his achievements:

1. Graduated out of Harvard Law School and taught Constitutional Law in Chicago Law School. (He was a qualified educator, not like some nitwit I know who went AWOL for national service.)
2. Helped created legislation for electoral fraud (which involves some nitwit), nuclear terrorism, care for returned troops and climate change (?).
3. He was one of the senates who opposed the policies proposed in the Iraqi War by the Bush Administration (yea, i know. The "B" word is offensive to some), in which he spoke of changing the government's social and economic priorities.
4. For nature conservationists, enthusiasts and environmentalists out there, its my pleasure to tell you that Obama voted in favor of the Energy Policy Act of 2005.

Yea he seems like a good guy. I congratulate the Americans for their choice. I think its better than having some unqualified nitwits performing undeserving jobs running the White House. It looks like im rooting for this Obama dude....well, seems like I have to. Or I don't.

All I'm hoping is, them literally being one of the biggest superpowers on the planet, he could ease the global economic strain. Heck, even oil prices is causing a goddamn ruckus here. And thats just one vital economic resource. We're not even touching on inflation, food prices, trade flow (whatever that is) and other stuff. Unless these things happen soon, I think I'm not really excited about the dude.

"Yes, we can."

Oh, yes you fucking can!

p/s: At least he's far more intelligent and charismatic than the previous sad excuse for a monkey.

Politically [insert adjective here]

Its funny you can hear to the darndest things while talking to complete strangers on the net. One night when I was playing Team Fortress 2 on a local server, a bunch of local players were talking on the voice chat, were like:

(I could not remember the actual specific detail, but this is the rough account of the experience)

After failing to capture the objective for 10 mins.......

Agent K: C'mon la guys. Lets go. No man's an island.

Neverwish: Yeah, no man's an island. Actually, a man is a country.

Agent K: Like Singapore.

Me: Is Singapore an island?

Neverwish: Yeah, Singapore is an island............

Neverwish: no, actually, its a big nipple out in the sea. A big red nipple. Its a big red pinched nipple.

Me: LOL!

Agent K: Whose nipple is it?

Neverwish: Malaysians.........


and then they went on blasting each other and make fun of the Russian players.......


Its funny how these people can give politically witty comments while playing something that is least educational. They were funny and I enjoyed playing with them. I could care less about whats going on with that Obama shit and stuff.



p/s: boy those russians have bad ping. And they dont talk much too.

her story

An old friend of mine IM'ed me the other day and she asked me to read a short story she wrote in her blog. She said that it was written when she was feeling sad, meanwhile, at the same time, unexpectedly, strangely enough, she asked me if it was funny.
Well, she asked me what I thought about it. I thought it is interesting and thoughtful. For those who are interested, the story goes like this:

Woman

Have you ever felt a man you love has abused you in a lot of ways?

The way you think, the way you talk, what you wear, the decisions that you make and wherever you want to go?

The ugliest woman is a woman who doesn't have confidence in herself. The one who is so vulnerable to the things surround her. Who gets an inch to jealousy and insecurity when a man tells her about how she looks and what he likes.

A woman like her, lives in a small world of her own far away from everyone else. Because, she doesn't really know if she can handle every judgments and ideas of her life. To her, everything is just a lie. Everyday becomes hundred years to go.

A man should come to woman's life and make her feel beautiful. However, how much does a man need to do to build or create a woman's fairytale?

A man, is selected among all other stars in the sky. When he came down to the earth hundreds of thousand years ago he was nothing but a man who got his mind straight to his point.

Whereas, woman was selected among all other fishes in the sea, and she was then called the mermaid. The sea was too cold thousand years ago and the mermaid decided to swim to the land for a new life.

One day, the man saw the mermaid and fell in love at first sight.

They had a baby.

Mermaid's scales came off from her body after 50 years and they lived another 2,000 Naked Years.

Civilisation started soon after and clothes were made to men n women.

They were wearing Tiger branded dresses for hundreds of years until Leopard skins became popular.

Mermaid realised, Man has lost a slight interest of her. She cried everynight hoping Man would fall in love with her again. Everyday, she looked at herself into the river and asked what was wrong with her?

Mermaid felt sad and became very sick.

They got older and older and older. And Mermaid was still a very distraught woman.

Before Mermaid breathe her last breath, she asked Man why had he lost interest in her.

Man answered, "because you looked a lot better when you were naked".

Then she died.

(Created, copyrighted and sole property of by Sara the Aristocratic Adventurer, in 2008. I'm merely hosting this webpage.)


Comments:

First of all, this story is not actually funny. I find it to be quite a serious one. If I was to point one funny bit, it would be when people switched from "tiger brand to leopard skins". ok, Im not here to analyze this story because that's so dumb and I did that so many times in goddamn literature class. So, to hell with that. I'm here to comment.
I think this one's quite good actually. I can actually feel the thoughts that go through the whole writing. There are a couple of faults here and there, but nothing to be fussed about. One thing, there's sadness to this story. i don't know what she meant by funny. The ending which is:

"because you looked a lot better when you were naked".

...reminds me of, well, me. And us. Everyone else too. Our youth is the most exciting part of our lives. The best. We were 'naked'. Exposed. Pure. We are who we are. We were learning. We discover things, and ultimately, we discover ourselves. It reminds me the joy I have for writing. I wrote quite a lot back then. I didn't write about fiction. Not about world issues. Not about national concerns. Neither on oil prices. Politics? Thats far out.

I always wrote about the things I see around me. Narrative in first person perspective. I scrutinize them. Like, " Who's that girl sitting in the teacher's desk?" "What colour is she wearing?" "What's she doing?" "Who is she and what's she really like?" "Who's that guy?" "What time is it?" "what am i Supposed to do?" "What's that noise?" Why am I stupid?" etc.
Well, I wouldn't actually say that my writing was top class. My language was not that good. It was fragmented, choppy and sometimes out of syntax and redundant.

What matters is: I captured the moment.

Not with pictures, medals, landmarks or awards. But with words. Words that will be re-written (or probably not) and re-read. Those words which are vivid to those who were there. Writing things the moment it happened can be a lot better than writing epic poetry. It is a memory for one to keep.

"Civilisation started soon after and clothes were made to men n women.

They were wearing Tiger branded dresses for hundreds of years until Leopard skins became popular".

This part reminds me how much people change over time. Clothes are like the new 'us' that we gradually develop/adopt in the process of growing up. It is meant to hide those things that make us 'naked', like a mask. And then, some are meant to make us strong. Some are made to attract. And some are meant to be fake. We become dependent to these 'clothes' that we forget, and ultimately, abandon who we really are. But there's no one to blame on that. We constantly change, so much that it is hard to keep track of it all. And we forget.
Like how Tiger brands are replaced by Leopard skins.

Want to know what's the saddest part? She believes that I could write nice stories.

I couldn't. At least, I couldn't write one with the way I am now. I don't even remember when's the last time I wrote something good. Most importantly, I don't even remember since when did I start writing pieces of crap. I forgot my dreams. Yes, I did dreamt about being an engineer but that was because of expectations. I dreamt of being a writer, writing what matters to me.

"Please write from your heart this time"

Heart, huh? Now where did I put the damned thing?

Oh, boy.

This is gonna take a while.....

Words. You'd wish there was more.

I was listening to Jason Mraz's "Did You Get My Message", last night. In the first verse, he sang "have you ever wondered what happened to the words that we send?". And i thought what happened to the words that we said? Are they lost among the other words we speak? Do they change from bending and breaking in the flight that they take? Do they remain?

The next morning, I was texted by an unknown number, starts with +614, go figure. It goes "is this irwan?". Ah, an old friend. Its been long since I had anyone address by my first name. I asked 'em back who it is then the reply was something familiar, "her name is desert type. Oh, how bizzare. What a clown..." Oh, its her. Then there was something about getting coffee together with the other guys when returns and stuff.

******* ******* *******

In the evening, she buzzed me on my IM. It was quite surprising, given that we havent said anything for quite a long time. We talked about how words should be written more, when we couldn't speak. She lamented that she wrote a lot therefore she found it hard to speak.

"but when u write more, u speak more"

Then again, the outcome was quite contradictory. The more we write, the more we speak - in our minds. How is it possible? Is it possible? Because of writing, we speak less, reduced to moving our hands about desperately trying to get something across.

We'd ask ourselves, "what happened to all the words that we said?"

Do they bend?

Do they break?

And then come back together again? (Jason Mraz)

She said, "It brings back all kinds of memories". and the other things she thought she was missing out. Wishing she could observe the surroundings and when the moments are written down in words. The words.

I wish I could go back and write down the feelings I have....(Suddenly, this sounds familiar)

She mentions that she read my diary, again. (I used to have a "journal" which I use to write down things that happen, things I see and anything I think of writing about. At first, it was private. Then, it became less personal and I let some of my friends read them. Turns out they enjoyed it. Wish I could write something like that.
A year or so after finishing school, she insisted that I'd mail it to her. Which I did, because I thought I may not be needing it anymore).

It was embarrassing. Then we'd talk about friends whom we haven't heard for quite some time. Right before we ended our chat, I said:

"Always write a copyright reminder for everything you write".

Then, she insisted me to go to her blog. And, there, I found (or saw) it........

A page of my diary. What she wanted to show is that my name is cited:

"This diary is a sole property of Irwan Huzen Matusin.Created and copyrighted in 2000 by Irwan Huzen Matusin. This site is hosted by...."

Thats not just my name. Not even nickname. Its the whole bunch. I am not at the liberty of revealing the blog's address, because it is embarrassing. Yet, I find nostalgic. How I was honest, pure and straightforward. And how I wish I could write like I did back in the days.

Smile for the screenshot!

I have to say this: if you like FPSes, you're on a budget and you have a not-uber-powerful PC; the Orange Box is the best thing you could ever spend your money on. Its not just 5 great games in one but a whole lot more. There are a lot of other mods out there that can be a standalone game by their own rights. Here's a few: Age of Chivalry (warfare of the middle-ages), Insurgency (intense realistic urban combat), Zombie Panic (zombies vs. survivors) and much much more.




I was playing on a local server, one night and cant help but notice something. Every player was wearing a birthday hat. Everytime you blow someone up, their gibs (definition: chunks of meat) are replaced with present boxes, ribbons and other stuff you'd get for clobbering a pinata. Blood spatter? They got em replaced with balloons. I guess this is one of those parental control custom file mods, reducing the amount of in-game violence.

he was kind enough to pose for the screenshot.


the pyro too.

the heavy too.

I find this post pointless.

No pun intended

lawl! No offence to Izza's blog. I just find this amusing.

MG-42: Exposed

This is an elaborate disassembly of one of the world's most prominent and reliable general purpose machine gun system ever made, the Machine-Gewehr 42 (or widely known as the MG-42). It provides an effective machine gun solution during World War 2. It is lightweight, portable, easy mounting and has a high rate of fire. Some of its advantages is the barrel can be easily removed and replaced in events of overheating. Overheating became very common with the weapon due to its rate of fire: it is said to be 1200 rounds per minute. This explains how the outnumbered Germans managed to outgun the Allies during the Normandy beach landings.

Pah! Show Off!

Towards the final week of the semester, everyone's striving hard to excel in their studies (or just plain struggling trying to complete assignments on time). Well, mostly trying to finish their assignments on time because of their lack of initiative, which leads to extreme procrastination and then having them whine in regret that they should never postpone work that could be done in a couple of days and should always start early. This, happens only towards the of the semester. A new semester means resetting their brains back to their original shameless procrastinating self which is very shameful for a couple of university students to act like a bunch of shameless schoolchildren who shamelessly procrastinate their homework and then at the final moments they managed to conjure a shameful piece of work (there are some who gave up and prepare themselves for the inevitably shameful "F'" in their transcripts which then in turn having them shamefully repeat the same subject of which shamelessly they would fail again) and submit the shameful piece of cow pudding the lecturers, shamlessly, and then put the whole university to shame with such piece of shameful work of which they have to grade and finally, feeling shameful, compare with other universities where the students have the decency to start their work early and compile them weeks before submission. Shame on you. And me.

A lot of the others also whine about the loads of assignments towards the end of this semester, which in turn makes this post a cliche and less than unique. However, I'm not going to impress anyone with the ramblings on the consequences of my silly uncurable (incurable?) gamete disease of pro-cras-ti-na-tion. But I'm going to write about something that will impress me (or people who are like me, good luck finding them). In the midst of the hectic final weeks of study, I am able to find time to satisfy my inner gaming geekiness. I am to gloat of my recent achievement. Observe:

This is my steam account page


Steam rating of 10. Thats a minimum of 30 accumulated play hours.

By this, I am prepared to face the severe consequences that will be severely inflicted on my grades, again.


I am told that bloggers are a group of unique monkeys. Just like you and me.

"WE NEED MORE MONKEYS!"

My side of the law

I don't think I going to delete the last post by our guest blogger, Eric.

First, I think it could provide some humour.
Second, a reminder of how vulnerable we are on the net despite being hidden behind a computer screen.

Spamming is highly unethical in the net. Spam only when in contempt.