Thursday, April 30, 2009

Its amazing how small differences between body temperature and environment temperature can affect one's overall health. And the discomfort it causes - the coughing, the flu, the fever or just the headache - can be very disorienting and demoralizing.

Yet, its even amazing how the consistent intake of fluids can be an effective remedy (if not instant acting) to some ailments.

Maybe its the season.

Monday, April 27, 2009

A day out: I'm a geek

First off, girls wouldn't probably be interested with the things I am about to type about. but you're still welcome to read. If you don't belong in the stereotype, I'd applause you for your open-mindedness (WTH am I saying?)

Went to the big city for a breather recently. Looked for some shoes and did some window shopping. Mostly on things I could not afford. It turns out that I'm still blown away at how much some high-end product costs. For example, take a look at this humble looking keyboard with the simplistic design:

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Steelseries 7G. Gaming keyboard.

Looks pretty much like your run-of-the-mill keyboard right? Guess what: this keyboard is going to set you back around RM 700. I can't believe it myself. The spec boasts 18 K GOLD(!)-plated connectors, for quick response input, no-click mechanical keys, 50 million keystrokes lifetime and "anti-ghosting" - which means you can press as many keys available on the board simultaneously (conventional keyboards only allow 4-6 keys). I know that regular people, like you...or me, find that RM 700 does not make any effing sense whatsoever but there are enthusiasts willing to get these shiznits. People will never guess the price of the things and they would rather not touch it if they do.

Steelseries Ikari 4G mouse

This little mice here is another one of those gadgets with a mind-blowing price. Any mice boasting 4Gs means that they are capable of operating up to 4000 dpi (worth of sensitivity). How fast is that? Imagine: that regular mice you bought for below RM 50 (or the mice used in the INTEC library) is operating around 800 (1200 at most) dpi. Not recommended for those who use their PC's and laptops for performing regular tasks. Y'know: facebooking, blogging and that casual Popcap/Reflexive Arcade/Playmore game you're playing. You'll have a hard time tracking your cursor. So, how much will it set you back? Around RM 400+.

Razer Megalodon

Another product in the Razer gaming-grade-for-the-connoiseur lineup. Comfortable design with SUPERHUGE earcups. You'll be wearing this thing for hours. Superb noice cancelling mic. The main highlight: its audio processing unit (that box-thing connected to its cord). It is a master volume control for front, side and back speakers - also controls bass levels, mic-sensitivity and other stuff. Sounds a mouthful isn't it? Did I mention that this headset boasts 7.1 audio? Its going to sound like there are 7 speakers surrounding your head. Positional audio. This one is going to set you back for RM 400+.

Even, if you're not a gamer (or geek), I'd recommend you get this one if you have the money. Good all-round audio (music and movies), not to mention supercomfortable. It won't squeeze your head and your ears would hardly sweat even after hours. But if it still looks geeky for you, try this one instead:

Grado GS1000

In case you didn't know, this (Grado's) is one the world's best in headphones. These things are handcrafted. Notice the drums are made of wood? It is. Its one the main features contributing to its holy audio quality. Its mahogany. The company have been making these things for 50 years. It may lack that fashionista look but you're looking at a world's best. So far, I haven't done much research on the company and its products. In addition, I have yet to see one of these things in local audio stores.

Thats all for now.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


Until I find something better to do or write, this video will do. O yea, some of the guys took us out for some game of pool in SS 15. Only empty times like these we could live the young life. We got back home around 4.30 a.m. Not much of a night life. Just an innocent night out.

So...until then.

Iron Stomach Challenge LIVES!!!!
the caption says: "Mayonnaise LOOKS kind of yogurt. That counts, right?"

Brick wall

It is an entry I'd find best written in pen and paper - a habit long forgotten - rather than being lost among the insignificant masses of codes in the digital medium.

"Brick walls are there to stop you. Brick walls are there to stop other people. Brick walls are there to stop people who are not sure of what they want. Brick walls are there to stop those who don't want it badly enough"

- Randy Pausch

Often in our adventures through life we came upon these brick walls. These walls can be made of paper, or bricks, most of the time. We scale. We smash, if we're strong and reckless enough. We stayed, put some colours on them, draw something, then walk away. Or we simply leave and find another way around.

As life progresses, we became more adept in dealing with these walls. Like I did in my academic life. However, some walls will always stop you dead in tracks. Regardless of how many times you've been through the same it will always catch you unprepared and no matter how prepared you are it will always get around you. But smashing them is not always the case. They are there for a reason.

Not long ago, I came upon one of the most formidable brick wall I've yet to come across in my life. The formidable wall was around five feet, five inches tall, very special and absolutely beautiful. The brick wall did good stopping me in my tracks. But, as I came upon it, it reduced me to rubble, made me reevaluate my entire life and led me, in a helpless fit, searching for guidance on how to scale it. Again I was feeling like a little boy. I was lost in my own thoughts. Lost in all the questions I was asking myself. It felt like everything was reset. All of a sudden, I don't know what it was all over again. What am I supposed to do?

I admit I was scared. Not scared of what had happened. Not of what will happen but, rather, I was scared because I did not know what to do. Fear is actually not knowing what to do once something happens. It is the unknown that gets to you. Again, the wall was about five feet five inches tall, exceptionally unique and absolutely beautiful. As it progresses, I began to think (I'm not really a big fan of thinking), thinking of a lot of things. I began thinking what my life would be in five years time. I began thinking about the things I haven't done. I began thinking about what I have been doing all my life. I thought about how and where I am now are going lead me in the course 5 years. What was I really looking for? A long list of the things I should be doing flashed right in front of me.

It was a short period of time which proved to be overwhelming. Although sad, I'm glad it went down in a good way. I finally realized what this was all about. It was not mostly about fear of events repeating themselves. It was mostly about regrets. Not regrets for the things I did. It was regret of the things I never did. Turns out I have one big regret: being inarticulate. I spoke in fragments. I hate myself for being inarticulate right up to the big moment when I really to say things. I might have said the things I wished to say, or not, but I bet it wouldn't go out the way how I wanted to say them. Why couldn't I communicate when I depended on it the most?

I know I might have caused trouble. I did what I thought I had to do. If you had found something you have been looking for but you had never thought possible, would you let it slip away? I couldn't. I saw something I had never thought possible in a person. A paradox. A human paradox. You cannot afford to be scared. You have to muster every ounce of courage out of your pathetic self so would never have to wonder what could have been.

The wall taught me a lot of things (not directly, mostly, but just knowing the wall). Like, the things I could do a lot of things only if I am willing to learn. Seriously, I never thought of picking up a music instrument. I feel bolder. Bold to do things I wouldn't normally do. Its one of those rare moments when I thought about something and decided to go through all the way. Above all, I learned that the room only stays dark if you keep the light from coming in.

....everything I say seems redundant. I'm lost for words. I keep talking about myself. How selfish.

Sad? Yes. It saddens me greatly

Hurt? Yes. One way or another, it cannot be avoided. I knew the risks and what is coming to me. I took it. I knew the risks from the very beginning.

Upset? No. For it was a great episode that made life seem interesting.

Are we friends?. I don't think I could because I am already in too deep. Honestly, I never approached you as one. And I don't think I could. Maybe for now.

I apologize for the mess I made and for other wrongs I did.

I still have a lot to say. Even the things I don't have to.

"If you were me, I am like you". I understood. I pray that it will work out for you, even it is ironic and very contradictory.

I'm being redundant again.

...honestly, I never counted them. I just picked them out.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

an update


Ah. The exam.

*cue rock guitar solo ala Zero Punctuation*

Yes, I will whine about how ridiculous the exam was this afternoon. It was ridiculous because there were terms that we were not aware of and it costs us both 10 and 5 marks each. I understand that this is a uni paper, and we are supposed to learn on our own but that was totally unprecedented (and I'm not really sure what unprecedented means. I dont have a dictionary).

What I want to say is: for the first time in years, I felt very nervous about and exam. The last time was during the first day of PMR and the first day of SPM - the later papers, I didn't really cared much. Back to SLA. Is it because the paper is very difficult? Is it because I didn't know what to expect from it? I think its hugely because I had terrible assessment scores throughout the semester. Not to mention making a terrible impression on the lecturer: Being late, sleeping in class, submitting assignments, half-assed presentations and all.

To me, failing is not a big issue. Its still an issue but its doesnt really bother me much, its not like I rarely failed in my studies. My concern is to maintain a minimum 3.00 average. I need that minimum average for my future plans. Also, its not like parents didn't really care. They just don't yap about how badly I did for my grades. However, what bothers me is that look on their face. That disappointed look. And that tone. I had it coming to me when I got my first grade pointer:

"Just 2.8?" *berkata dengan selamba sambil mengambil selekoh ke kiri*

"Yeah. 2.8. But I passed all subjects" *desperately trying to justify my complacency*


And I get it. I'll try to do better next, which I did. You can't imagine how much power your parents have over you. How do I justify myself this time? I have 3 potential fails in my pockets. How do I deal with that?

Pray that I will not fail those 3. If you're reading this, pray for me too. I'd be very grateful.

("ooh, suddenly Huzen cares about his grades. How surprising for something who is very apathetic and pessimistic about everything. Sarcastic applause".
F- you buddy!)

Monday, April 20, 2009

What we do

Out of nowhere, I remembered an argument I had with a friend not long ago. I was about to make a decision (which I am not at liberty to disclose, but its kinda important and decisive). This is as close as I can remember, the way our argument goes:

"Why? Can't you see? Listen to me: You're going to regret this if you don't"

"Then let me regret."

"Do you realize what're you doing?"


"Then why? Its a big mistake."

"I'm young. Mistakes. That's what I do."

"That's not an excuse"

"Its NOT an excuse. I make mistakes. Its what I want to do."

"What?! (Agitated)"

"C'mon. I'm young. I'm not getting younger. If what I do is going to end being miserable and sad, so be it. Let it. I don't have to listen to - no offense - you and your advice. Yours is different. Yours maybe worked wonders but this is my experience. I can't let you, or anyone, define them for me. If its going to get fucked up, then let it. I'll learn. I'm gonna keep making these mistakes."

"...until you get it right?"

"Yes. And no. I'm doing it as long as I feel like making them."

"huh? WHY? (again)"

"I'm hoping to find meaning. I fail to see any in yours. If anything wants to happen, let it. I'll recover. "

"ya la. Whatever la. (annoyed and puzzled)"

So, its one of those (very) rare occasions where I feel like a total badass. I guess this is one of the things my friends hate about me: If I'd say I want to do something, there's no amount of warning and advice can change my mind. Unless, I see the reason to not do so myself.

Nothing beats being young. Being young, you take risks. You make mistakes. Thats what is great about it. Don't let other tell you what your experiences should be like. Forget self-help books, forget motivationals, forget role models. Its your story. There's a lot still left untold for you to write. I really hate being told what to do and being told to be like other people (hate this the most). Don't you?

The biggest regret I have is that I spent my younger years sitting in the background as I watched others flinging gaily up in the air with no safety on.

Regrets? I'll take care of that later.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

not a real post

I have never felt so distracted, so confused, so restless, heart-rend yet calm in my entire life. Its the kind of feeling that makes you wanna lay down and stare at the ceiling. I was so spaced out when my mom called last nite, I didn't pick it up (called her the next morning). I saw her name on the caller ID but I just can't respond. Fortunately, the knuckleheads at home help me break the space-out with their nerves. Im gonna beat them up.

I'm so distracted that everything I do is half-assed. Like my last minute assignments. Like this post. Like how I'm gonna write less in a post with a video.

"For you. The clue is: there are seven voices. One is not as good as the other six. Or all seven won't sound as good."

oh, yeah. Here's a vid:


Wednesday, April 08, 2009

no guarantees

I think I should set a day to celebrate stupidity. Can't think of when and how. I'll figure it out, soon. Or later. Or maybe never. (picture is from Zero Punctuation. Bill Yahtzee, you're my hero.)

Its all about the "balls first" approach. Yes, Aishah. I love that word.
Success is when you don't get killed in the process.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

red riding

red riding hood: is it a fairy tale or just a bedtime story?

When you think about it, there's a little Red in all of us. Hood or no hood. We are the little Red in the hood. And all of us we're told by Mother to send a basket to Grandmother. Before leaving, mother told us to not stray away from the path. Just follow the path. You'll be at Grandma's in no time.

Unfortunately, the woods can be very tempting for little Red. The flowers. The animals. The waters. The unknown. Its just too tempting. Inevitably, little Red will go astray. And hey, little Red don't play by the rules. Are you going to take the path all the way to Grandma's or would you take the time to get dirty in the woods? Is Grandma really sick? Why the hell is Grandma living all alone in the middle in the woods? Is there something wrong between Mother and Grandma? What's it going to be, little Red?

And then, there is the Wolf. There is a wolf in the woods. There are wolves in the woods. If little Red follows the path, she could probably beat the wolf to Grandma's. Saves the trouble and the woodchuck could go on chucking woods peacefully. Or little Red could wander into the woods and run into the Wolf. Instant drama, if you'd ask me. These wolves, they don't always have sharp, teeth, sharp claws, long ears and always hairy. We all have our own wolves. Our very own personal wolves. We will encounter these wolves someday. We will deal with these wolves. Do we depend on the woodchuck to be there in time for a heroic rescue? Do fight these wolves ourselves? Do we make friends with them? Do these wolves bargain with us? What do we have to bargain?

The path Mother told us to go through sounds ideal. Sounds safe. Sounds boring. We are bound to go into the woods. We are bound to meet these wolves. We must face these wolves. We, little Red, need to learn lessons only can be learned from a journey in the woods. I recognize the fact that many might not be able to return to the path. Many might not survive the encounter with the wolf. Many might question how Grandma come to be the way she is now. Many will question the path.

The next time you're going to Grandma's, take a detour into the woods. Why not? What do you have to lose? Are we not curious of what adventure lies ahead? Go. Our wolves are waiting for us.

Tread lightly, Red dearest.

Inspired by The Path from Tale of Tales

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Making Mistakes

An original by Haley Bop. Sounds like a cross between Regina Spektor and Ingrid Michaelson.

Each night i compromise what i want, what i dont, whose by my side, and i can never be alone
I dream of you while im next to him, in this stale love life im livin in and its not fair to anyone.
I need to get away if only for today, im playin games.

I call you up, to meet me out, in the park after dark everybodys out, just us and thoughts of this is so bad.
Feels good at first but its quickly worse, now all i think is loves a curse and why am i always so selfish

i need to get away if only for today, im playing games...making mistakes, taking this love for granted i have with you today, but theres tomorrow, and its left untold but you swear ill always have you to hold.
I need to get away if only for today, im playing games

I see your face and im filled with guilt from tearin down this love weve built, but im holding on to strings that were left there.
Ill try and sew them back together but im afraid that we will never seem the same way as before I was playin these games.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Nightmares: Soft Pillows and Annoying Narratives

Ever woke up to a nightmare? Or, have you ever woke up into a nightmare?

I think I just did. I woke up this morning just to find that I have only done 3 pages for my SLA mini-research. And its due during her class, which ends at 10.30 this morning. I woke up at 8.00. Do the math.

I screamed.

No. Let's rephrase that:

I was screaming.

Talk about last minute. Its all thanks to that "I think I'll have that 30 min powernap". 30 mins? Cheh. Konon. ...but I did managed to submit it directly to her 3 minutes after 10.30. Earned the label "famous people" in her class. I'm a problem student now? Its been years since that incident with my social studies lecturer. AWESOME.

When will we learn our lesson? *sigh*

On a side note, one of the guys in the house started watching Gossip Girl....