Wednesday, August 04, 2010

home is where the heart is

what really pains is the fact that i find it difficult to adjust myself socially. Its hard for me to be myself here: the part of me who is totally unfit to be a teacher. even more, this is a place where teachers are respected individuals and people know who you are. It wouldnt be smart to start being myself right away.

I have always been away from home for the most part in my life. So, im used to not missing people so much. Yup, you guessed it. Im starting to miss people. I miss the people who I am comfortable with. I miss the people who are more accepting of who I am. I know I should not be judging people but I know the people here are the kind who would not be as accepting. I just know it. Oh well. Time will tell.

but really. I miss the people who mind me goofing, perving, and dicking around. even in their faces. Oh, how i really have to grow up. I had to get out of my comfort zone sooner or later, which is now. but i REALLY hate being what people expect me to be. what they had in their minds how i should be. Oh, how individualistic i am.

for the time being, the best i could do is to be committed in getting the job done. Our lecturer, Mr. Bala, once advised that we avoid going all out in the first few years of teaching. Or we might risk total burnout. true. but like i said before in a previous post, commitment is difficult for me because I am like that of a gypsy. I am never in one place for too long. I have been on the move for the most part of my life. now that my family had settled on a permanent address, I am not always home. And i know i wouldnt be long here.

I have a home to come back to. and this is not home.


p/s: omg, look at the time!

to all,

you have no idea how i miss the old days.

6 comments:

Rafahiah Haron said...

Good Luck Irwan. Trust yourself. You can do it ^_^

DierdreTheseira said...

I feel ya dude. :/

Jessica Lyne said...

This is exactly how i feel. Can't be yourself..starting over %$#%$#%$#%$^.
.
.
.
bah, nanti dapat gaji berkelah bah di simpang mengayau :)

Zen said...

rafahiah,

thank you very much. I now realize that it takes a lot to stay motivated during hard times.

dedz,

yeah, i hope beluran is treating you well.

jess,

hahaha. yeap, the next we get together, we can whine all we want over sandwich and soft drinks.

Eric G said...

i love you and i miss you..dick.

sukaragaku said...

this may sounds a lil bit ghei bt neverminda da bollocks, i miss u too...dick! hahah