My entire love life is like a cross between chasing rainbows and shooting for the stars (while hardly landing on any moon). Faced with so many awkward and "oh-shit-this-burns" moments, one might ask why would anyone put themselves through all that again?
I admit it is exciting every time and I do not compare one experience with another. Each one is great in its own right. Another reason is that I am just plain stubborn ("tubal" some people call it).
Best of all, I'd do it all over again just for the sake of keeping dreams alive. Its something like optimism or just having something to look forward to.
p/s: probably the cheesiest post ever. like XXtra Cheese on the Crust cheesy. No shit.
got a lot of ideas on what to write lately but unable to realize them due to the lack of willpower and just being plain complacent. I probably wanted to say i had a very "ideal" day last week. It was a wednesday.
Came to work. Sat down and did some paperwork. Went to class, lesson went particularly smooth (not that it was successful, though). Right after that, went to join with the other teachers at the cafeteria. Updated on recent events and gossips along with some drinks and morsels. went back to the staff room. continued writing LP for the next 4 days. Watched and laughed at the other wackier teachers while waiting for the final bell to ring. Punched out. went home with the boys. got online for an hour and took an afternoon nap afterwards. Took a bicycle ride for at least 7km.
It felt perfect. I wish everyday felt that way.
So, that aside, here is the latest to do list:
1. Read at least 2 articles per week. Dr. Ros been breathing down our necks for this 30 Sept deadline. 2. Save money for a netbook. I totally need it. 3.Save money for graduation-vacation. can't wait can't wait can't wait. 4. Buy a smartphone (NO HUZEN NO! *slap*) 5. Settle outstanding credit card debt. 6. Pay Dad. 7. Give younger sister some money (hmm..., DENIED! HAHA!) 8. Wash socks. Seriously. Wash socks.
So, I'd better get on with my proposal. Then, procrastinate some more. Maybe not.
One of the things I hate the most is when people telling what I should do and what I should care about. This might make sound arrogant, selfish and all but that's how it is. Even more irritating, I usually listen to their advice and just nod back (my way of showing approval, "yeah, I hear you"). Most people have the nerve to "insist" their ideas on me (read: shoving them down my throat).
All my life I felt everyone is trying to assert some amount of control over me.Like I said, telling me what to do and what I should be concerned about. Sometimes, even putting words in my mouth (even though I don't have a lot of words to go around with). I really hate that.
I just want someone who listens. I mean, someone who would listen without being judgemental. Someone who wouldn't force an advice when I don't ask for any. I need someone who listens. And people who really "listen" are very hard to find.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Ini adalah tokek. Beliau sangat femes di pulau ini. Beliau merupakan penghuni asal(tetap) di kediaman saya. Beliau gemar mengeluarkan bunyi aneh ketika senja berlabuh dan jauh di tengah malam. Beliau juga merupakan seorang yang pemalu. Beliau tidak seperti cicak yang lain kerana beliau adalah seekor tokek.
what really pains is the fact that i find it difficult to adjust myself socially. Its hard for me to be myself here: the part of me who is totally unfit to be a teacher. even more, this is a place where teachers are respected individuals and people know who you are. It wouldnt be smart to start being myself right away.
I have always been away from home for the most part in my life. So, im used to not missing people so much. Yup, you guessed it. Im starting to miss people. I miss the people who I am comfortable with. I miss the people who are more accepting of who I am. I know I should not be judging people but I know the people here are the kind who would not be as accepting. I just know it. Oh well. Time will tell.
but really. I miss the people who mind me goofing, perving, and dicking around. even in their faces. Oh, how i really have to grow up. I had to get out of my comfort zone sooner or later, which is now. but i REALLY hate being what people expect me to be. what they had in their minds how i should be. Oh, how individualistic i am.
for the time being, the best i could do is to be committed in getting the job done. Our lecturer, Mr. Bala, once advised that we avoid going all out in the first few years of teaching. Or we might risk total burnout. true. but like i said before in a previous post, commitment is difficult for me because I am like that of a gypsy. I am never in one place for too long. I have been on the move for the most part of my life. now that my family had settled on a permanent address, I am not always home. And i know i wouldnt be long here.
I have a home to come back to. and this is not home.
yes, now im teaching on an island. sounds like im making a big deal out of it. probably i am. the island is pretty nice. the seaside is scenic and beautiful. its an hour ferry ride from the mainland, far far towards the ocean (no way you can swim back, smaller boats are in a hell of a ride if the weather's shitty.
the people's nice. the students still have respect for teachers. the principal is stern (really really stern) but he's a nice guy underneath. so, the people, in a nutshell, are okay. I have a lot of complaints but hey, i should learn to count my blessings because some of my friends are having it way way shittier. hell, what proof of a man i have if i cant overcome these challenges.
so, im gonna cut my complaints short. we're having problems regarding getting a place to stay. as of right now we are staying in the principal's home. ooh, staying with the boss. there are some suggested places: one is at reasonable price with 4 rooms but, there is catch, it is haunted. many have tried and left. so, i'll take their word for it: respect the locals and the environment you live in. one is on the seaside. during the monsoon it will be flooded by high rising seawater.
ok, thats it for now. To everyone this may concern, I kinda miss you all and I sometimes love you all.
I got a long day tomorrow. see ya.
p/s: i'll post some pics of the island the next chance i get on FB.
Marina Court and Promenade Apartments is a swell place to stay in. The rooms are sweet. the bathrooms are superstandard. Dinner in Promenade. Promenade is not the best in terms of its hotel rooms but the food is legendary across KK. We are totally spoiled.
..............
I've read of situations like this in a book once. A regiment of 101st Airborne troopers was fed spaghetti and ice cream the afternoon before they went for a mass jump near St. Mere Eglise for Operation Market Garden. Many, I mean MANY, did not make it through the night jump. Many were mowed down as they land on the ground. Some even died before they hit the ground. Some did not even make it out of the plane.
Analogies. I hope where they're sendng me is not half as bad as I worry them to be.
social network sites such as facebook, friendster, myspace and etc. are meant to bring/connect people together - some use that as their slogan.
An article from The Escapist reveals a recent study, almost 25 percent of facebook users have been dumped through the site. Most of them did not realize they were being dumped until they read a status update.
the M.O.: Change your status to "single", never return calls, wall posts and private messages. and wait.
For those of you who had the privilege of having a person-to-person breakup/rejection, this should make you feel good considering that the other person still has the respect/guts give the news to your sorry face.
"Facebook can be a wonderful tool to manipulate a person's image for dating purposes as well as providing an easy way out when it comes to doing the dirty work." - Clifford Lerner
An egg to fertilize, A pulse to stabilize, A body to deodorize, A life to scrutinize, A child to criticize, Young adults to modernize, Citizens to terrorize, Generations to desensitize.
A desk to organize, A product to advertise, A market to monopolize, Movie stars to idolize, Leaders to scandalize, Enemies to neutralize, No time to apologize, Fury to tranquilize, Weapons to synchronize, Cities to vaporize.
Its Wednesday already? It feels like Wednesday was just yesterday.
Waiting. I wonder how many of us enjoy waiting? Sometimes I do, for starters. Right now, it feels like I am in a limbo. Waiting really discourages from taking any commitment, let alone do anything worthwhile. I was thinking of taking a part-time but I just don’t have the network to find me one that fits the time frame I have at the moment. Well, that’s just an excuse for someone who’s too lazy to go out there and be found. Or do anything to be exact. the set of skills we have can’t be put to good use if you don’t have the connections who need them.
Every semester break feels like walking in a limbo. I just can’t get myself to do anything worthwhile, rather than just indulging in favourite hobbies and pastimes. I think its this “waiting” thing. Like I said earlier, waiting discourages me from committing to anything. Maybe I’m just committed to this “waiting” thing. Or may be it’s the anticipation that the wait will be over (whether I want it or not). A new semester comes after every semester break. A new set of things to do. To accomplish. To endure. But now, there won’t be a new semester (except when I start teaching). But it still isn’t closure. I want to say I have graduated but the status still is certified and official (convocation, I guess?). Hmmm….closure? That’s a big word. Closure.
Closure? Its funny how we spent most of our lives looking for a closure, or make one. Does closure means ending? C’est finis? Speaking of language, closure does not necessarily imply ending. More accurately, I think it means “to close an opening”. To finish what we started. Hmm….I think it does shows that a closure is an ending. Like, is graduation a closure to our 6-year crusade? Crusade is a big word and it does sound like I’m exaggerating. Our quest for good grades, recognition and accomplishments. I don’t think there is such a thing as true closure (except for Judgment Day, that is). Everything that happens in the so called “end” are merely a transition. Even closure is a transition.
The end of a 6-year course is by no means an end. It is just a transition. This limbo I’m experiencing is probably a phase in that “transition”. This is me moving from being a student to a graduate. And then to a practitioner. Or a post-graduate. Or a parent. Or anything I’m trained (or not) to do. This is me moving towards something bigger. This is us preparing for roles and responsibilities. This is us being involved in matters of real importance.
So, closure is by no means the end. It may be the end of something, of course. This is where the over-used quote “the end is just the beginning” falls into place. And then, life moves on.
Another week and I’ll be back to do things. Important things. The only demotivating part of the teaching profession are the things
“Love is like a wonderfruit. One bite will have tens of flavours and sensations spreading across your senses. Sometimes it happens so fast you can’t tell in what order the come into you. Sometimes it happens simultaneously, making you think it’s all in one big flavour. I don’t know if there was ever such a fruit.”
Who to blame? this poll gives you a list with who to start with. (click to enlarge)
A bunch of skimpy dressed 7 years old dancing to Single Ladies is causing an uproar at the Escapist. Read the forum here. What do you think? Some may not see this as a problem. I am neutral at the moment of typing.
so, a lot have been going on in the last few weeks. I can't decide on a decent topic to blog about. Did I mention that I had an awesome vacation? Yeah, I had awesome vacation with friends. In our farewell dinner, I was voted as "The Committed One" (whatever that means, I got a plaque to go with that). I think I am rather committed in being a total arse.
If I had to summarize what happened this post-semester, it would go something like this: a lot happened, a few didn't happen and a lot are going to happen. Is it possible to not hope but still look forward to something? I think I can make things right this time but a lot effort is in order. The best laid plans are meant to be ruined.
In Iceland, instead of glowing, hot, gooey, orangey lava, volcanoes erupts with lightning. A lightning-spewing volcano? How cool is that? Its way cooler than a flaming fart. Also less disgusting, more spectacle and WOW! Factor. Occurred last 19th April. Expert call this one a "dirty thunderstorm". The volcano had a funky name (it looks like someone decided to randomly run their fingers across the keyboard): Eyjafjallajoku, if my sources are reliable, means "icemountainglacier".
Europe could possibly be the coolest travel destination. Niagara Falls? Grand Canyon? They're great but Mother Nature's pyro(or electro) techiques is cooler.
On a related news, many flights in Europe had to be grounded because of the ash spat out from the eruption. I know I shouldn't be excited as this could be a prelude to a global phenomenon (i refuse to call it a disaster). Dirty thunderstorms are considered a rarity.
A school teacher decides to arrange a children's choir rendition of Still Alive from Portal. It turns out to be cute, especially with the neon dress. Another toast to the celebration of geek culture. So, where's the cake?
I came across these two riddles when I was playing Silent Hill Homecoming few days back.
1. "What man loves more than life, Fears more than death or mortal strife, What poor men have, the rich acquire, What misers spend, whats wastrels save, and each man carries to the grave?"
2. "The man who devised it does not want it, the man who bought it does not use it, the man who used it does not realize it".
Of course, I figured both out. And it was made easier because there were picture clues.
few months back i found out that charcoal can be used as a remedy for diarrhoea. im not sure which charcoal but it involves activated charcoal, charcoal made very porous with large surface area ideal for absorptions and chemical reactions. I saw a few charcoal tablets in farmacies but im really curious about those charcoal in its raw form. Are they on sale? Are they safe for consumption? Which ones are they?
I also heard they work wonders in reducing flatulence.
they say dreams really do come true. I've drooled on the pages of magazines. Now, I can drool on my own desk.
dreams requires great sacrifice: money (obviously) and not going out for "sushi and good times" with friends. It was unbelievable that i managed to round up enough cash, and unbelievable still, i had give it all away at once. Could be the boldest move yet this year and I will have to cut a lot of corners to make through the upcoming months. This better be worth it.
what to do after a big upgrade? Re-install some old games from the shelf and push all settings to maximum, hence the Nvidia tagline experience ("Play it the way its meant to be played", finally).
those who read my blog may have read this quote before. I'm recycling this because this is what i feel right in this moment.
"...People are shit. Whenever I'm in a crowd I think "who left this shit all over the place?". I'm shit. You're shit. The world is shit. And if you're sitting there thinking "yes its true. Everybody is shit EXCEPT me"; then you're a double-bacon shit-with-large-fries, mr. shitface...
...Sorry, this reflects badly on me doesn't it? I should've said: Mr. OR Mrs. shitface."
-Bill "Yahtzee" Croshaw
...and this post reflects badly on me for re-quoting this quote. I am that bad in the first place.
I got this one from an outdoor accessories shop at a bargain price (10%, CNY discount). All I know that it is a Benchmade(R)Black Class. I suspect that this is China-made imitation (well, it is) due to the absence of a model specification, a certificate of authenticity and the not-so-expensive price. At the time of shopping, there were a lot of other options such as the bali-song (butterfly knife), tanto, bowie and KA-BAR knives on display. I guess this one stood out after I try each one for a feel. its like a personal preference thing.
This knife somehow felt right compared to the others. The weight (pretty heavy for its size) feels right and give you that tactile feel of holding something in your hand. the hilt and finger groove feels right on. Being a folding knife, its has a locking-liner lock mechanism rather than a spring - convenient. Although it is a medium sized folding knife, it still felt big on my hands.
the other side (extended)
During handling, the knife felt really solid. there was no rattling which is a rather solid quality for an imitation. swivelling the blade from its retracted state to the extended felt right (i guess the screws were locked using a torque wrench, giving it the right amount of torque = tension).
retracted
retracted (reverse side)
the blade (with serrated edge)
It came with a black Benchmade box. Y'know, like those one-drop perfume boxes. Or that premium tie-clip box.
on a side note, Benchmade is a popular American manufacturer - alongside Spyderco, Boker and Kershaw Knives. Unfortunately, that still didnt change the fact this purchased article is an imitation. I bought it because it was in my price range.
James@War is a youtube artist who has made a number of entertaining parodies, combining popular songs and pop-culture. like talking about bad grammar a la "the way I are" by timbaland. but sometimes "the message is more important than teh Lolz". When I first realized this video wasn't funny, i thought he just made another crap.
Well, he didn't. And it isn't. It wasn't meant to be funny. Its true.
It reminds me of the things I've seen in that celebrity channel. it reminds of those immoral, ungrateful, snobbish and unbelievably rich teenagers in My Sweet Sixteen. It reminds me of their parents. it reminds of how other people who talk about "keeping up with the latest fashion" and how it is making them insecure. And it reminds me of how famous people with ridiculous amount of money say what is cool for us and what is not. It reminds of how people today idolize celebrities, a bit too much, over people who have made significant contributions to their lives - but never earned enough airtime on television.
Above all, it reminds me of how very "material"(or materialistic) we are.
p/s: oh, just in case your audio goes "blarg-blarg", here are the lyrics:
You would not believe your eyes If I got a big surprise And I threw a fit on my sweet sixteen
Cause nothing is good enough And plastic surgery is tough But I need to look Good when in the buff
Since Im a big celebrity The Earth revolves around me Your disdain for my arrogance Wont squelch my vanity Cause Im oblivious to all but me
To ten million twitter fans Ill tweet about clothing brands And about how none of you are in style
So youll go and buy my things And Ill go and buy more bling So while you get poor I get richer all the while
Since Im a big celebrity You simply must adore me Subconsciously youll bow to my Superiority Cause Im the cream of this society Celebrity
My perfect make-up and perfect hair (They look pretty normal under there) Will make you all think you cant compare (But thats not the truth hope youre aware) And since my fantastic lifes so full (Of drugs, fights, divorce, and alcohol) Youll place me up on a pedestal
So Ill tend to scandalize And youll tend to idolize And you think lifes just about things and wealth
A model for all our youth Youll take what I say as truth And not realize its best to just be yourself
Since I have more money than you I matter more than you do And you should do whatever I Or my friends tell you to Cause thinking for yourself is so uncool Celebrity
Yeah, Id like to make you all believe That you should be just like me So dont aspire to live or think Independently And one day youll be empty just like me
Humans are inquisitive beings. We question things and ask questions. We do insist, even when there are things that are not meant to be questioned. but you know how it goes: there will that isolated case where one does. if one really insists, one must be truly committed in finding the answers. Being half-hearted in pursuing those answer can lead to catastrophic consequences. Sometimes, so is when you finally found the answer.
i guess its nothing unusual to have secrets. everybody have secrets. there are things that you just can't tell others. And there some things in particular that you absolutely can't have anyone know, including those close and dear to you.
Ever had a secret you thought you must never tell anyone - no-one and everyone? A secret you thought might change your very life 180' on all 3 dimensions? A secret that cause ripples across the fabric of society itself, destroying not only you but all that everyone knew and ever believed in? Or a secret so unacceptable that it will only destroy you and all that is evidence to who you were and have been?
i hope that none who are reading this are carrying that burden.
when you're used to being healthy all year long, a simple fever can bring all sorts of pain and suffering.
we fear death. as evident in a recurring dream, where a small bonfire is like an oasis in a cold snowy field. it gets further as i walk towards the warmth. like a mirage. the bonechilling cold never subsides. nothing i do makes it go away.
december. I am reduced to a penniless hobo trying to make little go a long way. a little can go a long way.
remember that word people say to be the longest word in English? that supercalifra-something-something? tongue-twisting.
I can't actually remember the name of the movie which introduced the word but I'm guessing it must have something to do with Mary Poppins.
While I was browsing the Net in search of famous internet memes, for personal research purposes (y'know memes like "all your base are belong to us", "O RLY?" and things like that), I found this.
I know what most of you might think before you even want to click that PLAY button: "This is another one of those internet remixes, which will be silly and I don't to waste 3 minutes 11 seconds of life as I have wasted the last 4 minutes visiting this blog". It might not be up to the tastes of most people but let me assure you that. I find this remix very....very....i don't know the word for it. "Good", probably. "Surprisingly catchy", yes. It has that feel of a Euro-Pop mix. Kinda like one of those Euro trance music those guys in Europe make.
If you like it, the author have generously provided a link to a free download of the mp3, here. Or directly, here
the heat of H1N1 seems to have died down a bit. I think the whole nation was pretty terrified by then. A strain of flu capable of transmitting through physical contact. I think the people responsible did a great job keeping the flu from blowing out into epidemic proportions.
However, there are things more terrifying than a strain of animal flu: the road. So far, there are only 77 fatalities recorded for H1N1 within a period of almost a year after it struck. I admit 77 is a big number, I'll give you that. In the recent Ops Sikap conducted during the Raya season, death has reached up to 210 deaths - within 2-3 weeks. This number easily overshadows the H1N1 death toll.
H1N1 suggests a death rate of 6.41 people every month - scary number! Get this: this means that death rate on the road during Ops Sikap (2-3 weeks) is 70 people per week, 10 people daily. Which is really terrifying. H1N1's death toll has been made insignificant in comparison.
H1N1 is fatal to those who belong in the high risk population: children, seniors, pregnant women, diabetics, low immunities and those who have serious ilnesses. Other than that, your chances of hitting it are close to none. what about roadkill? Just about anyone has a chance - as long as you're on a road or a highway. Sometimes, it doesn't matter whether you are a careful driver or not. Some accidents happen because of someone else's recklessness.
What bothers the most is not many realize the danger they are going through while on the road. Some people fail to realize the amount of carnage that is bound to happen when two tonnes of steel collide. there are opinions that suggests that the disturbing death rate roots from our attitude on the road. I have no objections there. Some attribute the quality of vehicles (especially local brands, lacking safety features and such) and poor maintenance of the vehicle itself. All the opinions points out that ignorance is the leading cause of death. I wouldn't argue with that.
Some might say that death is fate and there is nothing we could do to stop them. I beg to differ. Yes, I know when its "time", its "time". No stopping that, I believe. I believe that we can decide how we would like to "go". I mean, if not then how did the phrase "mati dalam kekufuran/keimanan" exist in the first place? it clearly shows that some parts of fate can be changed, even death. death is inevitable. but how do we "go" is something we can change.
If the time should ever come, let it be because of fate. Not of ignorance.
Ignorance should be considered as a natural cause of things to happen, like fire and stuff. Because it comes naturally.
hi. Im pretty simultaneously busy and lazy to write anything thoughtful or useful to anyone or myself lately. So...lately, I have a crush on just about every cute girl i meet.
nah, im just playing with you. I can guess that hook didn't work too well.
Between this year and next year, there's going to be a number of great games I'm really looking forward to. Most of them are FPSes (first person shooters). Let me tell you: teasers, trailers and live demos are great marketing strategies. It helps to keep the consumer base salivating and wondering about whats more to the product. The mind would be playing simulations of what fun gaming possibilities are possible based on what they have seen and that fuels the curiousity and desire to obtain the specific product. There's going to a lot of competition next year for game companies.
Theories aside, whenever I watch videos or read of communities sites I can't help but notice user are badmouthing each other because of several differences that didn't really matter at all. For example, which platform (XBOX360, PS3, PC and stuff like that) is better? It doesn't really matter if yours is the best. I guess the reason people keep flaming other platform users while trying to prove their point is that deep down inside they felt disappointed that they are stuck to playing on the same platform. They lack opportunities to explore other platforms and see what others are talking about.
My point is: if you really think a particular platform is better, please try to avoid condemning (do the words fit? thats like 3 verbs in a row) others. Yes, I understand your enthusiasm trying to convert others into joining your beloved platform. But these people might just be like you. Most people can't afford to enjoy more than one platform. I mean, I couldn't and probably won't have enough financial stability to do so for years to come. Its at least fair to let us enjoy what we have. I think its ok if we could try to politely convince (again: verbs 3 in a row) others if the current platform is just pure marketing bullshit and people are getting their money stolen under their noses.
i could go on and on but lets move on to: REALISM.
Another major topic discussed by gamers everywhere. Realism in graphics: realistic graphics seems to be a major appeal for most gamers (or people who think they are gamers. Well, I'll discuss on what is a real gamer and types of gamers in another post). there are occasions where some of my friends saw me playing classic vintages I've grabbed from abandonware (google it) or bootleg game sites (I'm still buying originals, though. If wallet permits - another topic to consider: Piracy. Later posts i guess). They were disgusted and appalled at the sight of me playing them. y'know games like metroid, doom 2, planescape torment and warcraft 2. They said: "Eww, the graphics are ugly" or "Buruk juga dia pny grafik".
"Yeah, if you notice, these games date back to the 80's and 90's. I guess you weren't a gamer back then" i thought. i became a gamer somewhere in the 90's (how that came to be is a slightly interesting story - save that for later posts). I understand that visual and audio appeal are important but i doesn't translate to real value. Shooting the same stuff and walk through the same artistically and beautifully designed landscape can get dry real quick.
Let's see the realism aspect of gameplay. Most gamers whine how unrealistic games can be. Like, how you run, jump while gunning and still hit a target. how you can be revived from a quick zap with a defibrillator. How you can survived a grenade blast. It goes on and on. Let's get the facts straight: when there's a high degree of realism, it is called a simulation game. Face it, simulators are boring if you're not into that shit. they are the least fun for gamers who think of 2D graphics like girls with no "feminine" features (but they still make up with their personality. All the time). If you think realism is they way to go, try playing Armed Assault 2, Operation Flashpoint or America's Army. I might enjoy them because partly maybe I am a military geek.
I'm not sure how many would enjoy playing shooters with no crosshairs, no ammo count, no HUD notification of where a shot is coming from, no health bars, no minimaps, how equipment weight severely affects performance, one hit kill and other stuff that happens in real life. Like weapons malfunctioning when sand and water gets into the bolt mechanism. Then, you would have to play a minigame where you desperately do a takedown on your weapon and clean vital parts - all during a firefight. Like thats possible.
America's Army 3 for example. Your soldiers are bound to the Rules of Engagement, ROE (google that too), which means you cant be shooting every all moving object you could put a round into it. you'll have to identify it as threat. Do they carry weapons? Are the colours hostile? What are the circumstances? Do you have orders to engage? Where is your superior officer in the situation? Are they retreating (according to the Geneva convention, you can't shoot combatants in the back or when they are retreating)? For the average gamer, its all too overwhelming. Face it: most gamers are a shallow bunch. they gawk at hot beach girls with fake titties (ok, well. not all of them).
what I'm trying to say is: most real-life-like games are given unrealistic features because they have been tested by playtesters and proven to provide optimum excitement to players. Or in simple terms: because they are FUN. Face it: You come back home from work to unwind. Real-life involves huge amount of stress. You play games to get away from all of that shit (plus The Sims 3 is an evil game. YOU ARE THE REAL PUPPET). Unrealism can help give players through those "holy shit!" "Ahahah! Whoa that was wicked shit AWESOME!" moments we could remember and retell like a grizzled, bitter war veteran.
Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate realism. It takes real effort for developers to create a game with those minute details of realism. It can be exciting if you are genuinely interested. To me, a game is a product we buy with cold hard cash. It represents the investment and effort made by the hardworking people in a company. It is the fruit of their long brainstorming sessions finding ways to deliver us the excitement not remotely possible in real life. I am often put off by money making ploys of companies trying to make quick bucks. For example, games based on a movie franchise and one of those Chinese MMOs - little production values and the company owners posted in my PCGamer pretending like they know enjoy or give a damn about this whole gaming thing, if you know what I mean.
Finally, my take on realism: games provide you with the right amount of the right stimulus, your brain generates FUN. It doesnt get simpler than that. Im going to talk about political sensitivities in games but I'll save that for later.
And my take on FANBOYISM: well, maybe I won't say more on the matter but I would like comment on game famously known as DOTA. I don't hate the game. its fun. Its exciting. when played with friends. What disgusts the most is when someone plays DOTA a lot starts claiming themselves as hardcore gamers (like "DOTA is the best game ever in the universe" bullshit". Its a mod goddammit. Why Warcraft III didnt get any credit?). These people walk around like they're SO hardcore and start l33t-speaking about how they PWN the game and shit. Yes, your unmatched skill and vast insightful knowledge all the characters and item combo are valuable assets to the gaming community. "Oh, you do play other games? Oh, like what? Bejeweled? Diner Dash? Jojo's Fashion Show? Bejeweled 2?" Oh oh, and probably the only shooter you've played, other than CS, would be a game about a frog shooting colored BALLS out of its mouth which consequently blows up other matching color balls if they are 3 in a row (take a guess what game it is. Haha). I guess I am humbled because these games can't compared to the awesome skill requirement, which you possess, in DOTA.
here's a teaser video, on a game time proven to be fun (I hope):
I like what they did to the audio. the sound effects are awesome and spot on, especially the part during the deafening shellshock. Its been done before but its still awesome. the weapons have a satisfying feedback. multiplayer seems to be very exciting. Definitely something to look forward to.
"...People are shit. Whenever I'm in a crowd I think "who left this shit all over the place?". I'm shit. You're shit. The world is shit. And if you're sitting there thinking "yes its true. Everybody is shit EXCEPT me"; then you're a double-bacon shit-with-large-fries, mr. shitface...
...Sorry, this reflects badly on me doesn't it? I should've said: Mr. OR Mrs. shitface."
The scorpion had the centipede, but someone's treads got the both of them. Then, they were sun-baked to crispiness. Quite close. Quite tragic.
*Note: Double kill is actually of a reference from Unreal Tournament 2003 and 2004, FYI to those who play Defense of the Ancients (you mortals call it DotA). All the kill announcements are taken from the same game.
You'll have to agree with me that this is going to be a potential Hollywood movie. It combines the dark, serious tone of war with comedy elements of its characters. I really hope someone makes a movie out of this.
Can you see the potential?
"So you're suggesting the rainbow sprinkles is the way forward with the donuts?"
I embrace the still silence and the cold humid night. I sway with dizzyness and lethargy. I play with words in an awkward manner, making mistakes on purpose. Or not. I am glad I chose headphones over a set of satellite speakers. Late night playlists blaring on 70% and I'm the only one doing the jives. I love it when the cat curls up in a fetal position on my lap as I struggle to plan my next lesson. I find it amusing how a simple act of procrastination is capable of such grief and depression. Yet, I keep repeating them like a dose of nicotine I can't get out of my veins. Sleep has become irregular. Giving me an excuse to whine to my students about how my eyes are burning. It hurts.
the super viral hit music video on Youtube, scoring over a quarter million views 6 hours after its release. It features Felicia Day - from Buffy the Vampslayer and other shows. She's currently writing and acting in the webseries, "The Guild". Gotta admit the chorus is pretty catchy
Having to go through a series fortunes and misfortunes can often throw your mind off-balance.
First, I found out that I had a new nickname given to me by the afternoon classes. Unfortunately, I'm not the most I'm the teacher "with the random stories". Come to think of it: I do tell them random stories during relief classes. I began to notice this after I had a long chat at the cafeteria and a student came to me telling me that I'm late for a relief class (?). Yea, so I went la. I was relieving a science teacher. As I came in, they greeted me, and they go:
"Teacher, tell us more random stories. Like last week."
And they'll be staring at me, waiting. I'll be staring outside the window (or the ceiling) for like 5 minutes and then, I abruptly go - "Hey, did you know that......etc etc?" I was a bit flattered when those kids were following me like some cosmetic/massage chair/special offer saleswomen, trying to get me into their class. A lot of teachers were out this week because they had to attend so many workshops and meetings. I should go out do more stuff or read more. I think I'm beginning to run out of stuff to talk about.
On the flipside, my random numbskullery with Dewi and Nurhayati at the cafeteria did cost me a bit of my reputation as a teacher. Some were shaking their heads listening to my idiotic disgusting jokes. They will NEVER see me the same way again. Didn't really matter though. They were from the morning session. Ha, won't be teaching them anyway. I made fun of their names and stuff. Fraternizing with girls, I also found out a secret about some girl named Margaret. So, I was like "yea, that's cool".
Above all, I realized how I was not really behaving like a teacher should. I would have to fix that someday. For the time being, screw it.
Bad news. yea, bad news. Someone broke into my room last nite and stole my phone. And my roomate's phone. And his phone charger. And his new pack of cigarettes. This is going to cause some financial headache. Thankfully that was all he took. I was glad he didn't took my laptop, or worse, my car keys.
This goes to Nur Hanna Hassan @ Kedek, for this awesome photo of me. Her awesome timing with the digital camera has helped made this "probably-the-best-photo-of-me-ever-probably" possible.
This photo somehow gave me the feeling of being a super youth, or something like that. Whatev's it is, its awesome.
Its, like, the umpteenth bajilion times this had happened today. A consequence of my efforts trying to squeeze out every single drop of performance out of the poor machine. Hardware and driver tweaks have lead to incompatibilities and other mishaps - hence the blue terror you see before you. They say you haven't squeezed out every single drop if you haven't used them for less than five years. This machine here has only made it halfway.
Sometimes I wish a kind soul would sent an M17 my way. I'd skip practicum for that to happen.
Nevertheless (or however), I'm still (very) grateful with having this piece with me. It has done me great service. And it can still do awesome things for me; burning awesome music on the awesome CDs, keep important (and not-so-important) stuff, play some wonderful music, good movies and read insightful articles, learn awesome stuff fro Youtube, web surfing - including writing this post rite here. I guess its going to keep serving me for a couple more years. Until its time to do what has to be done.
*kisses the LCD screen*
I'm going to stop squeezing juice out of the machine. For now. It deserves to perform the way it wants to perform.
There's this girl in a class I teach. I suspect that she's dyslexic. Sometimes I observe her doing her own work. What I saw: she was doing her geography homework - and she was copying the textbook. Word by word. Everytime I gave these girls some individual work, I noticed her friends are actually the ones doing the writing for her.
It calls for an investigation. I asked her friends about her, but I still haven't asked the teachers. I found out she had trouble reading. She had trouble distinguishing sounds and making sense of spellings. Dyslexic? There is a probability that may be so.
I found out even more beyond her impaired ability to read. It was test week during my first arrival at school. I was assigned to invigilate the Maths and Science test for this particular class. As I was doing my rounds, I noticed her arms. They were riddled with scars. There were some short and thick ones. But most were long thin lines criss-crossing her arms. A friend of hers told me that she had family problems. I was also informed that earlier this year she cut herself on her arms; she explains the reason for the long thin scars which caresses along her arms like a slithering snake making its way up a fair and smooth branch.
She didn't seem depressed. She was smiling a lot. She participated (and interrupted) during my teaching session. Well, she's quiet most of the time. Somehow, the more I look at her the more I saw. In her eyes I saw a quiet struggle. A struggle she took her sweet time fighting. She pushed forward but did not pushed hard. It felt like there's something big on top her - trying to crush her - but she's only holding it off where it only stops inches away from crushing her into singularity.
I have little experience with these kind of troubles. I live a normal happy life; to tell them I can help them would be a tad too difficult. I was also informed that she went in and out of counseling.
Sundays. I love sundays. I resent them too. Being the last few moments I had to do things I want and I love, and the next to be thrown into life's unrelenting challenges. Its hard to enjoy myself without having to think about those things.
I find this afternoon very ideal. I'm here sitting in front of my desk, behind the screen. Staring emptily into the bright sunlight every few minutes. Look at the beautiful blue and white sunny sky. I think I was just momentarily blinded, by the light.
Complains? I wish the good people here would improve their toilet accuracy, for both liquid and solids.
Other than that, I'm pretty much grateful for everything. What are you grateful for today?
i was thinking of writing about my school experience but I already have a reflective journal (no, they don't come with reflective surface.) courtesy of the good people from the faculty of education.
I wish I was a cat. I'd sleep 15 hours a day. People will admire me if I had beautiful fur. I'd roll over and spread myself on the floor to get some attention. And I can play with my food before I eat them.
Its a lesson I've learned so many many times before. Yet, it still happens. damn!
I walked into my first class of the day they were all nice and quite so, with a posture like no other, said:
"OKAY STUDENTS! Before we start, I'd like you clear your table and...."
Then, all of them looked at me. I was like "wah so good. i got their attention and stuff...". one of them raised her hand and said:
"Eh, cikgu..."
"Yes?"
"(half-whispering) kami ujian ni sekarang..."
SETAAAAAAAANNNNNNNn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ujian Setara 2 rupanya. That was very rude of me. Malu nak MAMPOS! Kalau mau, lama sudah aku bergolek-golek di lantai kerana ingin menahan malu tahap blackbelt. Excited punya pasal.
Pengajaran di sini?
"Lain kali tengok jadual betul-betul. Orang putih cakap: read instructions carefully."
In a few days, I'll be entering a place where the expectations are high A place where slobs like me feel so out of place. A place where I will be tested, intimidated, challenged, pushed, and drained.
I'll be the Iceman, the assertive, the efficient, the smiling, the hardworking and the obliging.
The five years spent bottles up like a bubbling champagne waiting to pop the cork into the unsuspecting eye.
This is going to be that EPIC moment when we will make or break, rise and fall.
The nerves? Its there. Excited? Its only a step forward into the future. More than excited, I'm anticipating...
...and stuff right?.
"Remember that fame is nothing but loving someone, and fortune is nothing more than loving what you do".
The English Language has finally declared its one millionth word. "Web 2.0" has received the One Millionth Word honour, beating "Jai Ho", "slumdog" and "noob" off the top spot.. It is also my pleasure to announce that "noob" has finally been accepted as an English word. Look for it in a latest edition dictionary near you.
"Austin, Texas June 10, 2009 – The Global Language Monitor today announced that Web2.0 has bested Jai Ho, N00b and Slumdog as the 1,000,000th English word or phrase. added to the codex of fourteen hundred-year-old language. Web 2.0 is a technical term meaning the next generation of World Wide Web products and services. It has crossed from technical jargon into far wider circulation in the last six months. Two terms from India, Jai Ho! and slumdog finished No. 2 and 4. Jai Ho! Is a Hindi exclamation signifying victory or accomplishment; Slumdog is an impolite term for children living in the slums. Just missing the top spot was n00b, a mixture of letters and numbers that is a derisive term for newcomer. It is also the only mainstream English word that contains within itself two numerals. Just missing the final five cut-off, was another technical term, cloud computing, meaning services that are delivered via the cloud. At its current rate, English generates about 14.7 words a day or one every 98 minutes."
In a related news, "Twitter" did not made Millionth Word race because it was already an English word, in relation to "tweet".
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Damn. We sure complain a lot. Like, a LOT.
The government should avoid feeling proud from spending millions/billions for the people's benefit and we should not kiss their hands for it. It is our right to get what we are supposed to get and it is their duty to serve the people, regardless of which party rules the establishment.
Teachers are government servant. If a client keeps coming back to seek our services, we should never turn them down. It is our duty to serve.
Being the early ones back at the boarding quarters here in IPGaya has its perks. You get scavenge vacant rooms for stuff. You'll never what you could find. I found some shoes, a USB fan, a mice, dry food and even a TV! ITs a prosperous country we're living in.
The scorpion had the centipede, but someone's treads got the both of them. Then, they were sun-baked to crispiness. Quite close. Quite tragic.
Its for keeps. LOL. I mean, WTH?
