measure of a man

From the way i see it, the measure of a man is based on these things: how much money he makes annually, his car(s) and his connections with important and famous people.

If this is the case, i can guess where i stand on the scale. If there is such scale. An obvious indicator would be the way how people extend their hand to you and how they greet you (or if they didn't).

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look at you

truthfully, i should never freak out whenever i look at myself in the mirror. i am bloody handsome, mind you (i like to think i am). thing is, the longer i look the more creepy it gets. I start to see beyond the blemishes, the fatness and such. I see all the things i did wrong and i did not correct. I imagine how my face would look like when i have wronged others. I see how my lack of exercise and unhealthy lifestyle has led to how i look today. I see...

...you can see how a piece of reflective surface can cause so much obsession and insecurities.
I have to start losing a few pounds.



on a side note, did you getting hit by grenades in COD: Black Ops can really hurt you? I mean, not by its explostions but by being directly smacked by a thrown grenade. Did you? I didn't.

See what I mean, here

(The Escapist Magazine is the only online news bulletin I frequent. Its pathetic, I know. World news just keeps getting depressing every day.)

rabies

This is a serious concern. Played with a pubescent cat at cousin's house. Suddenly, it got agitated and bit me twice. I mean like REALLY biting me. 2 hours later, there was quite a racket behind the furniture. The cat was having seizures and it peed all over the place.

Rabies? The kitty recovered 30 mins later. But whats going to happen to me? Based on previous cases, diseases carried by animals double their potency as they jump species (i.e. bird flu). I am genuinely worried.

Im seeing the doctor asap.

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hanna the haggler

On November 25th, witnessed Hanzie in a negotiation between her and a stallkeeper in Batu Feringghi. I was about to check out a stall when I saw her. The stall was selling table lanterns, the pretty very asian ones. She was ruthless and adamant. Stood her ground trying bargain the price to the lowest possible (as always, we try to get the best items at the lowest price imaginable.

Just like our Hanzie, the salesperson was pretty stiff too. By stiff, i mean, sticking to her "final offer". Thus, i am proud to say that the success of the purchase can be attributed not just to her ruthless bargaining ethic but also with the help of her accomplices. That would be me, taza, elvie and serra (i kinda like the idea of the mutual benefit we gained. I dont have to do anything but watch). We came into the scene as potential buyers, in hopes of success in Hanzie's negotiation thus getting a joint discount benefit.

The salesgirl finally gave in to her "awesome" bargaining skillz and we all walk away happy with our purchases. She managed to get away with almost half off of the original price - the stuff didn't actually cost that much in the first place. They were selling it with "tourist" prices.

Later, she explained it was only a matter of what you know. Or what she knew: the Chinese had this belief that you should refuse the first and last customer of the day. They bring you "ong" (Chinese term for fortune or luck, i dunno).

One more thing I've learned: Hanzie is an exploiter. In a practical way, though. The photo above is her looking smug (muka puas) right after the transaction.

In a related, Penang is a great place for a vacation, especially Georgetown. However, it is a very tourist-oriented location that prices are a tad bit costly for the average student budget. But there are still places where you can get things a lot cheaper, im sure.

I had a great convo-vacation and will write more about it later. Until then, that's all for now.

I wonder where's my next vacation gonna be? Will i be able to have enough to afford it? Will I have the time?

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anthony burgess and malaya

I've just read Yasmin Ahmad's film. It is mentioned that Anthony Burgess wrote a book called the Malayan Trilogy. Really? He, THE writer of A Clockwork Orange? That IS a surprise. In his book, he stated that he is not proud of it despite it being his most famous publishing.

I love Clockwork. It dwells on what it means to be human. Good and evil is a choice. Depriving one that choice, depending on how you look at it, is rather inhumane - regardless of intention. However, that is no reason to stop convincing people to choose good over the other. Persuasion rather than forcing an ideal is in order, fortunately.

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train ride

On a train bound for Penang. I'm sitting next to the window. As I watch the change of scene outside, I can think of one thing: cue soundtrack - Gypsy MC.

"Fame is nothing more than loving someone,
Fortune is nothing more than loving what you do"

now, would be a good time to reflect everything that has happened these past few months. Or read a book. Or get some sleep. Or whatever.

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indecent exposure?

yep, another random post. hmm...went into a restroom/locker room in sutera just now. saw some old dude walking around in his birthday suit. that was probably things that would definitely go into my "must-not-see-ever" list. I bet these guys aren't from around here. there goes cultural sensitivity.

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i take my liberties whenever i can

God Rests in Reason

yeah, the title was a direct rip-off from a Mraz song. but here's a story i found from Disenchanted.com via Mightyinteresting.com:

“I had a vision this morning” the boy said to his father, “while throwing stones into a pond and watching the ripples. I saw another little boy on the furthest end of the Universe, on a planet so far away that if you’d shone a light in its direction on the second the Big Bang happened, the light still wouldn’t have reached it by now. And he was throwing stones into a pond just like me, and the circles were exactly the same.”

“They’re the same everywhere,” his father replied.

“So how do they know to be? Where did they learn their shape from?”

“Do you know what Pi is?”

“Yeah, we learned it in school last month.”

“Well Pi doesn’t have to be told what it is, just like 4 doesn’t need to be told it’s the sum of 2 + 2. And as long as Pi is what it is, every circle is the same everywhere.”

“But where do Pi and 4 come from?”

“They don’t come from anywhere, we just discover them whenever something happens. Numbers were always there, even if we never bothered to look for them, even if nobody ever drew a circle, or nobody ever threw a stone into a pond.”

Its the universe through the eyes of mathematical philosophy. From where I'm standing (or sitting and reading this), this is a discussion on the existence of God (that's Allah to you, if you are a Muslim). Regardless of what we do we, where we are and what we see - faith is always there with us.

4 and Pi is always the same everywhere and it is there even if we did not discover it or even more, look for it. so is God. the only difference is in how we look at it, only the concept being constant across different understandings. For atheists, the inner workings of science and maths is the act of God. the probabilities, multiple variables, and the one in a billion chances.

Concepts such as luck, fluke and coincidences: that is proof He exists. despite being dismissed as a mathematical chance. but how do numbers exists? how and why do we perceive numbers? there are differences of faith because that what is because human is all about. That is what sets up apart: capable of sentient thought and being totally random:

"You can have 3 geths argue in the same room and you get 3 different opinions. You put 3 humans in a room and you get 6 different opinions. Or more."
- Geth, Mass Effect 2

It is our strength. Sadly, that could also lead to our downfall.

Korean Cyberathletes

"To win a championship, you must have APM (actions per minute) between 200 and 300". That is fast. the normal person could probably do 60. I could hardly do 40 (an estimate, did really measured the thing).

And, "you can be fast, but not too fast". WTH, 200+ APM isnt fast enough? and you say not too fast? I'd replace my hands with a spasmic spider and still wouldn't go that fast. Its mind-boggling.

unproductive counterproductive

I am quite bogged by work and everything lately. I have my holding-everything-off until-they-dangle-precariously-at-the-edge attitude to thank for. there's the postgrad proposal due this monday, some holiday-trip planning (which loses direction, but i'll fix that soon) and of course, marking those DREADED exam papers. One of the teachers here said: "If they had to answer one paper, we had to answer, like, [one paper times number of students times number of classes]. yeah, those white-haired dudes weren't kidding when they say being a teacher is a whole lot of shitstorm going on all the time.

This afternoon, during lunch, the principal reminded me to prepare a paperwork on next year's six months English intensive programme. By next week. You see, there's thing between me and paperwork. We never get along. Like my blog here. I noticed my posts have become shorter every time compared to when first got into this blogging thing. Even this blog lacks direction! Posts are random, hardly inspiring and whiny at best! I do have a plan though: to blog about independent games and how I explore their value.

I just woke up from an early sleep (8pm, earliest ever!). And now i find hard to focus on whatever work I have to do.

Over these past few months, I've come to realize that I am all that I don't wish to be: I am vain, materialistic, arrogant and ignorant. But for once, let me live the dream. I'm no saint.


p/s: If the trip does not go as planned, we might have to do it the real backpacking adventure way.

I have learned:

That you can have faith but you can never be too hopeful.
No matter how promising something may be, always keep at least a few toes on the ground.
Beating around the bush is bad for you.
You will never see it coming until its right there staring at you.
Always know that you have everything to be thankful for.



If forgetting these lessons don't kill you, it would definitely tear you apart.

p/s: a bit emo tonight. I need motivation. I am pathetic.

xperia x10 gets an update

a phone with powerful hardware but paired with somewhat lacking software. SE recently announced they're releasing an update: upgrading the buggy 1.6 android to vers. 2.1.

read here

i hope it fixes whatever problems the phone is having at the moment. I'm looking forward to that because I'm thinking of getting one someday. And please do not suggest me the iPhone. It is SO mainstream. everybody wants an iPhone. Its such a waste for a sexy device like this to not get the recognition it deserves. Hold that thought: recognition will make it mainstream. better not.

Mood: ^__^

Celebrated mom's belated birthday this week. Treated her to dinner at Secret Recipe (along with dad, my little brother and sister) and let her order whatever she wanted. There was slices of cake, some pastry with chicken and such. It does cost a lot but not really a dent in the bank. I've spent way more money on ridiculous stuff. Take my Razer Lachesis, for example. 9 out of 10 of the people I've shown it to tell me I'm ridiculous because I could get a slightly better one for 3/4 the price. Hey, it was sleek and sexy! (Doy! I am vain).


The next day I spent outing with some of the people I miss the most. We did a lot of catching up. Stories were shared. Jokes were told. Gossips were...uh....gossiped. Debts were settled. Feelings reaffirmed - well, not really really reaffirmed but i felt somewhat fulfilled and some unspoken promises were made and shown. Well, it felt like there a lot of promise. Love can't be rushed.

All in all. I felt really good tonight. I can really feel the difference made by my improving mood. I am totally psyched up. I think I've just found the kind of morale support I needed all along to get through the difficult days ahead. I just need to pray that I won't lose it.


I think I'm ready to go back to work this Monday.

p/s: that Xperia X10 looks really sleek and sexy! Since i'm not going to get an iPhone4 (it is SO mainstream), it'll be in my wishlist this end of the year.

p/p/s: Oh yeah. This is Jason Mraz's cover of Carlos Olmeda's Dear Anna. The lyrics' kinda cheesy but i think it was well-written. Dig.

supporting your favorite industry

Being alive is one big hypocrisy by itself. Some of the things we do to ourselves; our way of life, how our "needs" ravages the world around and etc etc, justifies that we're better off dead. However, i'm not going to talk about some confusing, over-complicated existentialism crap (because I often confuse myself. Often.)

I'd like to rant about our hypocrisy as consumers (don't worry, this includes me). Often I came upon people who claim to be big fans of some music band. They wear their t-shirts, have their mp3s on the portable players, dress like them, always talking about how awesome the band is and simply being hardcore fans. the problem? try asking them if they ever bought an album. an original album. I always use this fact as my favourite counterpoint whenever someone compares and questions my preference for music.

"So, you're a die hard _____ fan, huh? When was the last time you bought their album?". Snap!

I always tried buying originals whenever it is convenient. I got myself legit CDs back when I was a fan of Mariah Carey (embarassing confession!) but now she sucks hard, and im not just talking about her music. When I got into Silverchair, I bought a cassette. Living in Shah Alam, I had access to original PC games which cost me an arm and leg (a full-blown gaming PC cost me my soul).

Its sad and funny how we often steal from the people we love to see grow into something awesome. I guess this could possibly be the reason why local artists are very desperate in the first place.

In a related topic, I recently made my own Paypal account. Its amazing how convenient this thing is. I don't have fill in my CC details (no., billing address, mother's name, name on card, security number, online pin, etc etc) for every purchase. all i have to do is login into my account and your purchase detail is automatically filled in - total price in foreign currency and MYR. I dont even have to reveal my credit card information.

Being a gamer does not necessarily means you have to break the bank to enjoy games. I'm showing my support for the indie games (they are the pc gaming equivalent of indie music) industry. You have garage bands, we have bedroom coders. Its a great way to enjoy gaming without the need to own bank-busting PCs (im playing on a recently outdated laptop). Plus, they're really cheap!!

VVVVVV (or theletterVsixtimes)

On paper, the premise of this game is TOTALLY BORING: You flip your character up and down in order to avoid obstacles. In the hands of untalented designers, it is. That's not the case with Terry Cavanaugh. He made it very exhilirating. Flawless execution of moves is the greatest satisfaction in Cavanaugh's world. Here is the promo from Youtube:




I'm against advertising stuff in my post but i felt guilty for downloading this awesome piece via torrent. Its available via http://thelettervsixtim.es/ and Steam for the price of USD 4.99 (MYR 16.29). If you're (a nerd like me, or appreciate music in general) into 8-bit chiptunes be sure to check http://www.souleye.se/ for the full soundtrack (bought the full album for 4 bucks, best deal ever. the techno/electronica beat is awesome).

pro-tip: after you bought the album, let Souleye know by email that you saw his post in a thread from ThePiratebay. He'll acknowledge that by giving you a download to one of his exclusive unreleased mp3. Hell, you dont even have to buy his album for that.


Minecraft

Remember Farmville (or any one of those Facebook crap)? Remember how you spent hours slaving away trying to reach the next level so you unlock higher tier items? How spending hours, days, weeks and getting rewarded by some useless decorative ornament? Those days are totally over. Minecraft lets you do everything in real time and its nowhere close to those facebook crap you've been playing.

Its THE real sandbox game. its like a big ass virtual LEGO box. you don't wait for items to be accessible and you don't have to earn virtual money. you work your ass for that and there's a whole lot fun in that. even single equipment is manufactured. You can dig underground as far as you want. I had fun making a stone cottage on top and an elaborate labyrinth beneath. you can try fabricating almost everything imaginable. this video below shows how someone made a rollercoaster using the tools given:




Available from Minecraft.net for €9.95 EUR (MYR 44.15, totally bought it. you know me.). If that costs too much, you can play it for FREE in you web browser. There's multiplayer too!. Its still in alpha stage but for paying gamers, always know that you will always get updates for no extra charge.

warning: It is G-DAMN addictive. take my word for it.


hmm....this post has turned into an ad. and don't get paid for it. Let just say this is how I show my support for my favourite industry.


p/s: Its getting late and I have work tomorrow. See ya.

Kek

Cerita ini berdasarkan keterangan seorang saksi yang berada di tempat kejadian.


Setting: Dalam pejabat. Tengahari.


Cikgu A: "Puan. Suka. Makan. Kek apa?" *dengan gaya ala cheerleader*

PK HEM: "STRAWBERRY! STRAWBERRY!" *sambil menari*



keesokan harinya, Puan membelanja guru-guru di kantin makan kek yg ditempah khas (bukan kek strawberi seperti yg diharapkan).

hahahahaha! WTH man!

Who I am Today

For every acquaintance made, parted with, they gave me a small piece to add to myself. And to swap the pieces i need to let go. This is dedicated to those people.

I thank the boys who kicked my a-s when I was 17
I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean
I thank the bullies for body slams and accidents and then some
They shaped my life; they made me like who I've become

I thank the girls who gave a hand and showed me how to dance
I thank the ones who passed who never gave a second glance
I learned that it's okay for some to go and some to stay
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today

thank the captains of the boats who brave the sea
I thank the farmers for the sowing of the seeds
I thank the men who paved the roads I'm travelling on
They shaped my life, they took me down the path I've gone

I thank the volunteers for giving up their time for free
I thank the engineers; all those who keep our water clean
I thank the janitors for all their years behind the scenes
They shaped my life they taught me generosity
They shaped my life they let me see who I could be

Thank the boys who kicked my a-s when I was 17
I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean
I thank the bullies for all the names they called along the way
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today

You shape my life. You make me love who I am today.


-Jason Mraz, Who I am Today


Life is Good.

next up: unicorns!

My entire love life is like a cross between chasing rainbows and shooting for the stars (while hardly landing on any moon). Faced with so many awkward and "oh-shit-this-burns" moments, one might ask why would anyone put themselves through all that again?

I admit it is exciting every time and I do not compare one experience with another. Each one is great in its own right. Another reason is that I am just plain stubborn ("tubal" some people call it).

Best of all, I'd do it all over again just for the sake of keeping dreams alive. Its something like optimism or just having something to look forward to.

p/s: probably the cheesiest post ever. like XXtra Cheese on the Crust cheesy. No shit.

(unauthorized image from Google Images)

quick update

got a lot of ideas on what to write lately but unable to realize them due to the lack of willpower and just being plain complacent. I probably wanted to say i had a very "ideal" day last week. It was a wednesday.

Came to work. Sat down and did some paperwork. Went to class, lesson went particularly smooth (not that it was successful, though). Right after that, went to join with the other teachers at the cafeteria. Updated on recent events and gossips along with some drinks and morsels. went back to the staff room. continued writing LP for the next 4 days. Watched and laughed at the other wackier teachers while waiting for the final bell to ring. Punched out. went home with the boys. got online for an hour and took an afternoon nap afterwards. Took a bicycle ride for at least 7km.

It felt perfect. I wish everyday felt that way.

So, that aside, here is the latest to do list:

1. Read at least 2 articles per week. Dr. Ros been breathing down our necks for this 30 Sept deadline.
2. Save money for a netbook. I totally need it.
3.Save money for graduation-vacation. can't wait can't wait can't wait.
4. Buy a smartphone (NO HUZEN NO! *slap*)
5. Settle outstanding credit card debt.
6. Pay Dad.
7. Give younger sister some money (hmm..., DENIED! HAHA!)
8. Wash socks. Seriously. Wash socks.

So, I'd better get on with my proposal. Then, procrastinate some more. Maybe not.

listen

One of the things I hate the most is when people telling what I should do and what I should care about. This might make sound arrogant, selfish and all but that's how it is. Even more irritating, I usually listen to their advice and just nod back (my way of showing approval, "yeah, I hear you"). Most people have the nerve to "insist" their ideas on me (read: shoving them down my throat).

All my life I felt everyone is trying to assert some amount of control over me.Like I said, telling me what to do and what I should be concerned about. Sometimes, even putting words in my mouth (even though I don't have a lot of words to go around with). I really hate that.

I just want someone who listens. I mean, someone who would listen without being judgemental. Someone who wouldn't force an advice when I don't ask for any. I need someone who listens. And people who really "listen" are very hard to find.

Ini adalah tokek.
Beliau sangat femes di pulau ini.
Beliau merupakan penghuni asal(tetap) di kediaman saya.
Beliau gemar mengeluarkan bunyi aneh ketika senja berlabuh dan jauh di tengah malam.
Beliau juga merupakan seorang yang pemalu.
Beliau tidak seperti cicak yang lain
kerana beliau adalah seekor tokek.

home is where the heart is

what really pains is the fact that i find it difficult to adjust myself socially. Its hard for me to be myself here: the part of me who is totally unfit to be a teacher. even more, this is a place where teachers are respected individuals and people know who you are. It wouldnt be smart to start being myself right away.

I have always been away from home for the most part in my life. So, im used to not missing people so much. Yup, you guessed it. Im starting to miss people. I miss the people who I am comfortable with. I miss the people who are more accepting of who I am. I know I should not be judging people but I know the people here are the kind who would not be as accepting. I just know it. Oh well. Time will tell.

but really. I miss the people who mind me goofing, perving, and dicking around. even in their faces. Oh, how i really have to grow up. I had to get out of my comfort zone sooner or later, which is now. but i REALLY hate being what people expect me to be. what they had in their minds how i should be. Oh, how individualistic i am.

for the time being, the best i could do is to be committed in getting the job done. Our lecturer, Mr. Bala, once advised that we avoid going all out in the first few years of teaching. Or we might risk total burnout. true. but like i said before in a previous post, commitment is difficult for me because I am like that of a gypsy. I am never in one place for too long. I have been on the move for the most part of my life. now that my family had settled on a permanent address, I am not always home. And i know i wouldnt be long here.

I have a home to come back to. and this is not home.


p/s: omg, look at the time!

to all,

you have no idea how i miss the old days.

an update: the island

yes, now im teaching on an island. sounds like im making a big deal out of it. probably i am. the island is pretty nice. the seaside is scenic and beautiful. its an hour ferry ride from the mainland, far far towards the ocean (no way you can swim back, smaller boats are in a hell of a ride if the weather's shitty.

the people's nice. the students still have respect for teachers. the principal is stern (really really stern) but he's a nice guy underneath. so, the people, in a nutshell, are okay. I have a lot of complaints but hey, i should learn to count my blessings because some of my friends are having it way way shittier. hell, what proof of a man i have if i cant overcome these challenges.

so, im gonna cut my complaints short. we're having problems regarding getting a place to stay. as of right now we are staying in the principal's home. ooh, staying with the boss. there are some suggested places: one is at reasonable price with 4 rooms but, there is catch, it is haunted. many have tried and left. so, i'll take their word for it: respect the locals and the environment you live in. one is on the seaside. during the monsoon it will be flooded by high rising seawater.

ok, thats it for now. To everyone this may concern, I kinda miss you all and I sometimes love you all.

I got a long day tomorrow. see ya.


p/s: i'll post some pics of the island the next chance i get on FB.

before the jump

Marina Court and Promenade Apartments is a swell place to stay in. The rooms are sweet. the bathrooms are superstandard. Dinner in Promenade. Promenade is not the best in terms of its hotel rooms but the food is legendary across KK. We are totally spoiled.

..............

I've read of situations like this in a book once. A regiment of 101st Airborne troopers was fed spaghetti and ice cream the afternoon before they went for a mass jump near St. Mere Eglise for Operation Market Garden. Many, I mean MANY, did not make it through the night jump. Many were mowed down as they land on the ground. Some even died before they hit the ground. Some did not even make it out of the plane.

Analogies. I hope where they're sendng me is not half as bad as I worry them to be.

so thats it?

last nite, there was noise (probably laughter) next door.

today, there was none.

The silence was not eerie. it was rather solemn.

in the entire top floor, there is only me now.

it feels odd. It feels like a loss.

I'm all (always) come and go but this is odd.

It feels like loss.

so thats it?

yeah, i guess this is it. and i think its my turn to go.

verbatim: facebook irony

social network sites such as facebook, friendster, myspace and etc. are meant to bring/connect people together - some use that as their slogan.

An article from The Escapist reveals a recent study, almost 25 percent of facebook users have been dumped through the site. Most of them did not realize they were being dumped until they read a status update.

the M.O.: Change your status to "single", never return calls, wall posts and private messages. and wait.

You can read the rest here.

For those of you who had the privilege of having a person-to-person breakup/rejection, this should make you feel good considering that the other person still has the respect/guts give the news to your sorry face.

"Facebook can be a wonderful tool to manipulate a person's image for dating purposes as well as providing an easy way out when it comes to doing the dirty work." - Clifford Lerner

Recipe to something

Here's a great recipe I learned. It called the recipe to Something:

(Nothing) + You + You doing something about it = something.

I hope it helps all you people out there.

ize of the world

An egg to fertilize,
A pulse to stabilize,
A body to deodorize,
A life to scrutinize,
A child to criticize,
Young adults
to modernize,
Citizens to terrorize,
Generations to desensitize.

A desk to organize,
A product to advertise,
A market to monopolize,
Movie stars to idolize,
Leaders to scandalize,
Enemies to neutralize,
No time to apologize,
Fury to tranquilize,
Weapons to synchronize,
Cities to
vaporize.

-The Strokes, Ize of the world

limbo

Its Wednesday already? It feels like Wednesday was just yesterday.

Waiting. I wonder how many of us enjoy waiting? Sometimes I do, for starters. Right now, it feels like I am in a limbo. Waiting really discourages from taking any commitment, let alone do anything worthwhile. I was thinking of taking a part-time but I just don’t have the network to find me one that fits the time frame I have at the moment. Well, that’s just an excuse for someone who’s too lazy to go out there and be found. Or do anything to be exact. the set of skills we have can’t be put to good use if you don’t have the connections who need them.

Every semester break feels like walking in a limbo. I just can’t get myself to do anything worthwhile, rather than just indulging in favourite hobbies and pastimes. I think its this “waiting” thing. Like I said earlier, waiting discourages me from committing to anything. Maybe I’m just committed to this “waiting” thing. Or may be it’s the anticipation that the wait will be over (whether I want it or not). A new semester comes after every semester break. A new set of things to do. To accomplish. To endure. But now, there won’t be a new semester (except when I start teaching). But it still isn’t closure. I want to say I have graduated but the status still is certified and official (convocation, I guess?). Hmmm….closure? That’s a big word. Closure.

Closure? Its funny how we spent most of our lives looking for a closure, or make one. Does closure means ending? C’est finis? Speaking of language, closure does not necessarily imply ending. More accurately, I think it means “to close an opening”. To finish what we started. Hmm….I think it does shows that a closure is an ending. Like, is graduation a closure to our 6-year crusade? Crusade is a big word and it does sound like I’m exaggerating. Our quest for good grades, recognition and accomplishments. I don’t think there is such a thing as true closure (except for Judgment Day, that is). Everything that happens in the so called “end” are merely a transition. Even closure is a transition.

The end of a 6-year course is by no means an end. It is just a transition. This limbo I’m experiencing is probably a phase in that “transition”. This is me moving from being a student to a graduate. And then to a practitioner. Or a post-graduate. Or a parent. Or anything I’m trained (or not) to do. This is me moving towards something bigger. This is us preparing for roles and responsibilities. This is us being involved in matters of real importance.

So, closure is by no means the end. It may be the end of something, of course. This is where the over-used quote “the end is just the beginning” falls into place. And then, life moves on.

Another week and I’ll be back to do things. Important things. The only demotivating part of the teaching profession are the things

“Love is like a wonderfruit. One bite will have tens of flavours and sensations spreading across your senses. Sometimes it happens so fast you can’t tell in what order the come into you. Sometimes it happens simultaneously, making you think it’s all in one big flavour. I don’t know if there was ever such a fruit.”

Pedo-bear Platinum Sign of Approval

Who to blame? this poll gives you a list with who to start with.
(click to enlarge)

A bunch of skimpy dressed 7 years old dancing to Single Ladies is causing an uproar at the Escapist. Read the forum here. What do you think? Some may not see this as a problem. I am neutral at the moment of typing.

This the aforementioned video:

"Its just you and me. And nobody has to know"

quick update

so, a lot have been going on in the last few weeks. I can't decide on a decent topic to blog about. Did I mention that I had an awesome vacation? Yeah, I had awesome vacation with friends. In our farewell dinner, I was voted as "The Committed One" (whatever that means, I got a plaque to go with that). I think I am rather committed in being a total arse.

If I had to summarize what happened this post-semester, it would go something like this: a lot happened, a few didn't happen and a lot are going to happen. Is it possible to not hope but still look forward to something? I think I can make things right this time but a lot effort is in order. The best laid plans are meant to be ruined.

I just have to look forward to it, right now.

"Dirty Thunderstorm"

pic taken from msnbc.com

In Iceland, instead of glowing, hot, gooey, orangey lava, volcanoes erupts with lightning. A lightning-spewing volcano? How cool is that? Its way cooler than a flaming fart. Also less disgusting, more spectacle and WOW! Factor. Occurred last 19th April. Expert call this one a "dirty thunderstorm". The volcano had a funky name (it looks like someone decided to randomly run their fingers across the keyboard): Eyjafjallajoku, if my sources are reliable, means "icemountainglacier".


Europe could possibly be the coolest travel destination. Niagara Falls? Grand Canyon? They're great but Mother Nature's pyro(or electro) techiques is cooler.

On a related news, many flights in Europe had to be grounded because of the ash spat out from the eruption. I know I shouldn't be excited as this could be a prelude to a global phenomenon (i refuse to call it a disaster). Dirty thunderstorms are considered a rarity.

I swear it looks like straight out of a sci-fi.

Bollywood Halo

OMG.

OMG.

Man,

I'm just lost for words.

Children's Choir: Still

A school teacher decides to arrange a children's choir rendition of Still Alive from Portal. It turns out to be cute, especially with the neon dress. Another toast to the celebration of geek culture. So, where's the cake?

The teacher's blog, here.

It was easy

What made it so easy for me, despite being hopeful, in denial and pathetic?

First, it was easy for them so I don't see why it should be difficult for me.

Second, I have always believed that there are bigger things waiting for them and I am in the way.

Who am I to deny them what they deserve? So, I stood out of the way.

It may make me look like a flighty person, but I'm trying hard to do whats best for them and what's right for me.

People say I'm too naive and too nice for my own good. Let's keep it that way.

Riddles

I came across these two riddles when I was playing Silent Hill Homecoming few days back.

1. "What man loves more than life,
Fears more than death or mortal strife,
What poor men have, the rich acquire,
What misers spend, whats wastrels save,
and each man carries to the grave?"


2. "The man who devised it
does not want it,
the man who bought it does not use it,
the man who used it does not realize it".


Of course, I figured both out. And it was made easier because there were picture clues.

charcoal for diarrhoea

few months back i found out that charcoal can be used as a remedy for diarrhoea. im not sure which charcoal but it involves activated charcoal, charcoal made very porous with large surface area ideal for absorptions and chemical reactions. I saw a few charcoal tablets in farmacies but im really curious about those charcoal in its raw form. Are they on sale? Are they safe for consumption? Which ones are they?

I also heard they work wonders in reducing flatulence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activated_carbon

I'm rather curious and concern because I want to make sure its safe to grab a few from the barbeque pitt when the time comes.

meet the new rig

they say dreams really do come true. I've drooled on the pages of magazines. Now, I can drool on my own desk.

dreams requires great sacrifice: money (obviously) and not going out for "sushi and good times" with friends. It was unbelievable that i managed to round up enough cash, and unbelievable still, i had give it all away at once. Could be the boldest move yet this year and I will have to cut a lot of corners to make through the upcoming months. This better be worth it.





what to do after a big upgrade? Re-install some old games from the shelf and push all settings to maximum, hence the Nvidia tagline experience ("Play it the way its meant to be played", finally).

re-quote

those who read my blog may have read this quote before. I'm recycling this because this is what i feel right in this moment.

"...People are shit. Whenever I'm in a crowd I think "who left this shit all over the place?". I'm shit. You're shit. The world is shit. And if you're sitting there thinking "yes its true. Everybody is shit EXCEPT me"; then you're a double-bacon shit-with-large-fries, mr. shitface...

...Sorry, this reflects badly on me doesn't it? I should've said: Mr. OR Mrs. shitface."

-Bill "Yahtzee" Croshaw

...and this post reflects badly on me for re-quoting this quote. I am that bad in the first place.

Collectibles: Benchmade Knife

I got this one from an outdoor accessories shop at a bargain price (10%, CNY discount). All I know that it is a Benchmade(R) Black Class. I suspect that this is China-made imitation (well, it is) due to the absence of a model specification, a certificate of authenticity and the not-so-expensive price. At the time of shopping, there were a lot of other options such as the bali-song (butterfly knife), tanto, bowie and KA-BAR knives on display. I guess this one stood out after I try each one for a feel. its like a personal preference thing.

This knife somehow felt right compared to the others. The weight (pretty heavy for its size) feels right and give you that tactile feel of holding something in your hand. the hilt and finger groove feels right on. Being a folding knife, its has a locking-liner lock mechanism rather than a spring - convenient. Although it is a medium sized folding knife, it still felt big on my hands.

the other side (extended)

During handling, the knife felt really solid. there was no rattling which is a rather solid quality for an imitation. swivelling the blade from its retracted state to the extended felt right (i guess the screws were locked using a torque wrench, giving it the right amount of torque = tension).

retracted

retracted (reverse side)

the blade (with serrated edge)

It came with a black Benchmade box. Y'know, like those one-drop perfume boxes. Or that premium tie-clip box.

on a side note, Benchmade is a popular American manufacturer - alongside Spyderco, Boker and Kershaw Knives. Unfortunately, that still didnt change the fact this purchased article is an imitation. I bought it because it was in my price range.

changelog

26/01/10

the following changes have been made:

- added shoutbox to sidebar due to peer pressure.

- changed sidebar pictures

- removed pictures of breasts from sidebar, replaced by PSP Red.

- added new category: youtube of the day

- tried changing fonts. something went wrong. back to defaults.

- tried changing background colours. looked a bit gay. back to default.

- added music box. the page became annoying and increased load time.

- music box removed.

James@War - Owl City Parody

James@War is a youtube artist who has made a number of entertaining parodies, combining popular songs and pop-culture. like talking about bad grammar a la "the way I are" by timbaland. but sometimes "the message is more important than teh Lolz". When I first realized this video wasn't funny, i thought he just made another crap.

Well, he didn't. And it isn't. It wasn't meant to be funny. Its true.

It reminds me of the things I've seen in that celebrity channel. it reminds of those immoral, ungrateful, snobbish and unbelievably rich teenagers in My Sweet Sixteen. It reminds me of their parents. it reminds of how other people who talk about "keeping up with the latest fashion" and how it is making them insecure. And it reminds me of how famous people with ridiculous amount of money say what is cool for us and what is not. It reminds of how people today idolize celebrities, a bit too much, over people who have made significant contributions to their lives - but never earned enough airtime on television.

Above all, it reminds me of how very "material"(or materialistic) we are.

p/s: oh, just in case your audio goes "blarg-blarg", here are the lyrics:

You would not believe your eyes
If I got a big surprise
And I threw a fit on my sweet sixteen

Cause nothing is good enough
And plastic surgery is tough
But I need to look
Good when in the buff

Since Im a big celebrity
The Earth revolves around me
Your disdain for my arrogance
Wont squelch my vanity
Cause Im oblivious to all but me

To ten million twitter fans
Ill tweet about clothing brands
And about how none of you are in style

So youll go and buy my things
And Ill go and buy more bling
So while you get poor
I get richer all the while

Since Im a big celebrity
You simply must adore me
Subconsciously youll bow to my
Superiority
Cause Im the cream of this society
Celebrity

My perfect make-up and perfect hair
(They look pretty normal under there)
Will make you all think you cant compare
(But thats not the truth hope youre aware)
And since my fantastic lifes so full
(Of drugs, fights, divorce, and alcohol)
Youll place me up on a pedestal

So Ill tend to scandalize
And youll tend to idolize
And you think lifes just about things and wealth

A model for all our youth
Youll take what I say as truth
And not realize its best to just be yourself

Since I have more money than you
I matter more than you do
And you should do whatever I
Or my friends tell you to
Cause thinking for yourself is so uncool
Celebrity

Yeah, Id like to make you all believe
That you should be just like me
So dont aspire to live or think
Independently
And one day youll be empty just like me

butterfly effect

Humans are inquisitive beings. We question things and ask questions. We do insist, even when there are things that are not meant to be questioned. but you know how it goes: there will that isolated case where one does. if one really insists, one must be truly committed in finding the answers. Being half-hearted in pursuing those answer can lead to catastrophic consequences. Sometimes, so is when you finally found the answer.

i guess its nothing unusual to have secrets. everybody have secrets. there are things that you just can't tell others. And there some things in particular that you absolutely can't have anyone know, including those close and dear to you.

Ever had a secret you thought you must never tell anyone - no-one and everyone? A secret you thought might change your very life 180' on all 3 dimensions? A secret that cause ripples across the fabric of society itself, destroying not only you but all that everyone knew and ever believed in? Or a secret so unacceptable that it will only destroy you and all that is evidence to who you were and have been?

i hope that none who are reading this are carrying that burden.

hypocritic oath

"one may change his or her belief and principles whenever it is convenient"

at least hypocrites can have some sort of integrity.