I've just read Yasmin Ahmad's film. It is mentioned that Anthony Burgess wrote a book called the Malayan Trilogy. Really? He, THE writer of A Clockwork Orange? That IS a surprise. In his book, he stated that he is not proud of it despite it being his most famous publishing.
I love Clockwork. It dwells on what it means to be human. Good and evil is a choice. Depriving one that choice, depending on how you look at it, is rather inhumane - regardless of intention. However, that is no reason to stop convincing people to choose good over the other. Persuasion rather than forcing an ideal is in order, fortunately.
On a train bound for Penang. I'm sitting next to the window. As I watch the change of scene outside, I can think of one thing: cue soundtrack - Gypsy MC.
"Fame is nothing more than loving someone, Fortune is nothing more than loving what you do"
now, would be a good time to reflect everything that has happened these past few months. Or read a book. Or get some sleep. Or whatever.
yep, another random post. hmm...went into a restroom/locker room in sutera just now. saw some old dude walking around in his birthday suit. that was probably things that would definitely go into my "must-not-see-ever" list. I bet these guys aren't from around here. there goes cultural sensitivity.
yeah, the title was a direct rip-off from a Mraz song. but here's a story i found from Disenchanted.com via Mightyinteresting.com:
“I had a vision this morning” the boy said to his father, “while throwing stones into a pond and watching the ripples. I saw another little boy on the furthest end of the Universe, on a planet so far away that if you’d shone a light in its direction on the second the Big Bang happened, the light still wouldn’t have reached it by now. And he was throwing stones into a pond just like me, and the circles were exactly the same.”
“They’re the same everywhere,” his father replied.
“So how do they know to be? Where did they learn their shape from?”
“Do you know what Pi is?”
“Yeah, we learned it in school last month.”
“Well Pi doesn’t have to be told what it is, just like 4 doesn’t need to be told it’s the sum of 2 + 2. And as long as Pi is what it is, every circle is the same everywhere.”
“But where do Pi and 4 come from?”
“They don’t come from anywhere, we just discover them whenever something happens. Numbers were always there, even if we never bothered to look for them, even if nobody ever drew a circle, or nobody ever threw a stone into a pond.”
Its the universe through the eyes of mathematical philosophy. From where I'm standing (or sitting and reading this), this is a discussion on the existence of God (that's Allah to you, if you are a Muslim). Regardless of what we do we, where we are and what we see - faith is always there with us.
4 and Pi is always the same everywhere and it is there even if we did not discover it or even more, look for it. so is God. the only difference is in how we look at it, only the concept being constant across different understandings. For atheists, the inner workings of science and maths is the act of God. the probabilities, multiple variables, and the one in a billion chances.
Concepts such as luck, fluke and coincidences: that is proof He exists. despite being dismissed as a mathematical chance. but how do numbers exists? how and why do we perceive numbers? there are differences of faith because that what is because human is all about. That is what sets up apart: capable of sentient thought and being totally random:
"You can have 3 geths argue in the same room and you get 3 different opinions. You put 3 humans in a room and you get 6 different opinions. Or more." - Geth, Mass Effect 2
It is our strength. Sadly, that could also lead to our downfall.
"To win a championship, you must have APM (actions per minute) between 200 and 300". That is fast. the normal person could probably do 60. I could hardly do 40 (an estimate, did really measured the thing).
And, "you can be fast, but not too fast". WTH, 200+ APM isnt fast enough? and you say not too fast? I'd replace my hands with a spasmic spider and still wouldn't go that fast. Its mind-boggling.
I am quite bogged by work and everything lately. I have my holding-everything-off until-they-dangle-precariously-at-the-edge attitude to thank for. there's the postgrad proposal due this monday, some holiday-trip planning (which loses direction, but i'll fix that soon) and of course, marking those DREADED exam papers. One of the teachers here said: "If they had to answer one paper, we had to answer, like, [one paper times number of students times number of classes]. yeah, those white-haired dudes weren't kidding when they say being a teacher is a whole lot of shitstorm going on all the time.
This afternoon, during lunch, the principal reminded me to prepare a paperwork on next year's six months English intensive programme. By next week. You see, there's thing between me and paperwork. We never get along. Like my blog here. I noticed my posts have become shorter every time compared to when first got into this blogging thing. Even this blog lacks direction! Posts are random, hardly inspiring and whiny at best! I do have a plan though: to blog about independent games and how I explore their value.
I just woke up from an early sleep (8pm, earliest ever!). And now i find hard to focus on whatever work I have to do.
Over these past few months, I've come to realize that I am all that I don't wish to be: I am vain, materialistic, arrogant and ignorant. But for once, let me live the dream. I'm no saint.
p/s: If the trip does not go as planned, we might have to do it the real backpacking adventure way.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
I have learned:
That you can have faith but you can never be too hopeful. No matter how promising something may be, always keep at least a few toes on the ground. Beating around the bush is bad for you. You will never see it coming until its right there staring at you. Always know that you have everything to be thankful for.
If forgetting these lessons don't kill you, it would definitely tear you apart.
p/s: a bit emo tonight. I need motivation. I am pathetic.
a phone with powerful hardware but paired with somewhat lacking software. SE recently announced they're releasing an update: upgrading the buggy 1.6 android to vers. 2.1.
i hope it fixes whatever problems the phone is having at the moment. I'm looking forward to that because I'm thinking of getting one someday. And please do not suggest me the iPhone. It is SO mainstream. everybody wants an iPhone. Its such a waste for a sexy device like this to not get the recognition it deserves. Hold that thought: recognition will make it mainstream. better not.
Celebrated mom's belated birthday this week. Treated her to dinner at Secret Recipe (along with dad, my little brother and sister) and let her order whatever she wanted. There was slices of cake, some pastry with chicken and such. It does cost a lot but not really a dent in the bank. I've spent way more money on ridiculous stuff. Take my Razer Lachesis, for example. 9 out of 10 of the people I've shown it to tell me I'm ridiculous because I could get a slightly better one for 3/4 the price. Hey, it was sleek and sexy! (Doy! I am vain).
The next day I spent outing with some of the people I miss the most. We did a lot of catching up. Stories were shared. Jokes were told. Gossips were...uh....gossiped. Debts were settled. Feelings reaffirmed - well, not really really reaffirmed but i felt somewhat fulfilled and some unspoken promises were made and shown. Well, it felt like there a lot of promise. Love can't be rushed.
All in all. I felt really good tonight. I can really feel the difference made by my improving mood. I am totally psyched up. I think I've just found the kind of morale support I needed all along to get through the difficult days ahead. I just need to pray that I won't lose it.
I think I'm ready to go back to work this Monday.
p/s: that Xperia X10 looks really sleek and sexy! Since i'm not going to get an iPhone4 (it is SO mainstream), it'll be in my wishlist this end of the year.
p/p/s: Oh yeah. This is Jason Mraz's cover of Carlos Olmeda's Dear Anna. The lyrics' kinda cheesy but i think it was well-written. Dig.
Being alive is one big hypocrisy by itself. Some of the things we do to ourselves; our way of life, how our "needs" ravages the world around and etc etc, justifies that we're better off dead. However, i'm not going to talk about some confusing, over-complicated existentialism crap (because I often confuse myself. Often.)
I'd like to rant about our hypocrisy as consumers (don't worry, this includes me). Often I came upon people who claim to be big fans of some music band. They wear their t-shirts, have their mp3s on the portable players, dress like them, always talking about how awesome the band is and simply being hardcore fans. the problem? try asking them if they ever bought an album. an original album. I always use this fact as my favourite counterpoint whenever someone compares and questions my preference for music.
"So, you're a die hard _____ fan, huh? When was the last time you bought their album?". Snap!
I always tried buying originals whenever it is convenient. I got myself legit CDs back when I was a fan of Mariah Carey (embarassing confession!) but now she sucks hard, and im not just talking about her music. When I got into Silverchair, I bought a cassette. Living in Shah Alam, I had access to original PC games which cost me an arm and leg (a full-blown gaming PC cost me my soul).
Its sad and funny how we often steal from the people we love to see grow into something awesome. I guess this could possibly be the reason why local artists are very desperate in the first place.
In a related topic, I recently made my own Paypal account. Its amazing how convenient this thing is. I don't have fill in my CC details (no., billing address, mother's name, name on card, security number, online pin, etc etc) for every purchase. all i have to do is login into my account and your purchase detail is automatically filled in - total price in foreign currency and MYR. I dont even have to reveal my credit card information.
Being a gamer does not necessarily means you have to break the bank to enjoy games. I'm showing my support for the indie games (they are the pc gaming equivalent of indie music) industry. You have garage bands, we have bedroom coders. Its a great way to enjoy gaming without the need to own bank-busting PCs (im playing on a recently outdated laptop). Plus, they're really cheap!!
VVVVVV (or theletterVsixtimes)
On paper, the premise of this game is TOTALLY BORING: You flip your character up and down in order to avoid obstacles. In the hands of untalented designers, it is. That's not the case with Terry Cavanaugh. He made it very exhilirating. Flawless execution of moves is the greatest satisfaction in Cavanaugh's world. Here is the promo from Youtube:
I'm against advertising stuff in my post but i felt guilty for downloading this awesome piece via torrent. Its available via http://thelettervsixtim.es/ and Steam for the price of USD 4.99 (MYR 16.29). If you're (a nerd like me, or appreciate music in general) into 8-bit chiptunes be sure to check http://www.souleye.se/ for the full soundtrack (bought the full album for 4 bucks, best deal ever. the techno/electronica beat is awesome).
pro-tip: after you bought the album, let Souleye know by email that you saw his post in a thread from ThePiratebay. He'll acknowledge that by giving you a download to one of his exclusive unreleased mp3. Hell, you dont even have to buy his album for that.
Minecraft
Remember Farmville (or any one of those Facebook crap)? Remember how you spent hours slaving away trying to reach the next level so you unlock higher tier items? How spending hours, days, weeks and getting rewarded by some useless decorative ornament? Those days are totally over. Minecraft lets you do everything in real time and its nowhere close to those facebook crap you've been playing.
Its THE real sandbox game. its like a big ass virtual LEGO box. you don't wait for items to be accessible and you don't have to earn virtual money. you work your ass for that and there's a whole lot fun in that. even single equipment is manufactured. You can dig underground as far as you want. I had fun making a stone cottage on top and an elaborate labyrinth beneath. you can try fabricating almost everything imaginable. this video below shows how someone made a rollercoaster using the tools given:
Available from Minecraft.net for €9.95 EUR (MYR 44.15, totally bought it. you know me.). If that costs too much, you can play it for FREE in you web browser. There's multiplayer too!. Its still in alpha stage but for paying gamers, always know that you will always get updates for no extra charge.
warning: It is G-DAMN addictive. take my word for it.
hmm....this post has turned into an ad. and don't get paid for it. Let just say this is how I show my support for my favourite industry.
p/s: Its getting late and I have work tomorrow. See ya.
For every acquaintance made, parted with, they gave me a small piece to add to myself. And to swap the pieces i need to let go. This is dedicated to those people.
I thank the boys who kicked my a-s when I was 17 I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean I thank the bullies for body slams and accidents and then some They shaped my life; they made me like who I've become
I thank the girls who gave a hand and showed me how to dance I thank the ones who passed who never gave a second glance I learned that it's okay for some to go and some to stay They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today
thank the captains of the boats who brave the sea I thank the farmers for the sowing of the seeds I thank the men who paved the roads I'm travelling on They shaped my life, they took me down the path I've gone
I thank the volunteers for giving up their time for free I thank the engineers; all those who keep our water clean I thank the janitors for all their years behind the scenes They shaped my life they taught me generosity They shaped my life they let me see who I could be
Thank the boys who kicked my a-s when I was 17 I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean I thank the bullies for all the names they called along the way They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today
You shape my life. You make me love who I am today.
My entire love life is like a cross between chasing rainbows and shooting for the stars (while hardly landing on any moon). Faced with so many awkward and "oh-shit-this-burns" moments, one might ask why would anyone put themselves through all that again?
I admit it is exciting every time and I do not compare one experience with another. Each one is great in its own right. Another reason is that I am just plain stubborn ("tubal" some people call it).
Best of all, I'd do it all over again just for the sake of keeping dreams alive. Its something like optimism or just having something to look forward to.
p/s: probably the cheesiest post ever. like XXtra Cheese on the Crust cheesy. No shit.
got a lot of ideas on what to write lately but unable to realize them due to the lack of willpower and just being plain complacent. I probably wanted to say i had a very "ideal" day last week. It was a wednesday.
Came to work. Sat down and did some paperwork. Went to class, lesson went particularly smooth (not that it was successful, though). Right after that, went to join with the other teachers at the cafeteria. Updated on recent events and gossips along with some drinks and morsels. went back to the staff room. continued writing LP for the next 4 days. Watched and laughed at the other wackier teachers while waiting for the final bell to ring. Punched out. went home with the boys. got online for an hour and took an afternoon nap afterwards. Took a bicycle ride for at least 7km.
It felt perfect. I wish everyday felt that way.
So, that aside, here is the latest to do list:
1. Read at least 2 articles per week. Dr. Ros been breathing down our necks for this 30 Sept deadline. 2. Save money for a netbook. I totally need it. 3.Save money for graduation-vacation. can't wait can't wait can't wait. 4. Buy a smartphone (NO HUZEN NO! *slap*) 5. Settle outstanding credit card debt. 6. Pay Dad. 7. Give younger sister some money (hmm..., DENIED! HAHA!) 8. Wash socks. Seriously. Wash socks.
So, I'd better get on with my proposal. Then, procrastinate some more. Maybe not.
One of the things I hate the most is when people telling what I should do and what I should care about. This might make sound arrogant, selfish and all but that's how it is. Even more irritating, I usually listen to their advice and just nod back (my way of showing approval, "yeah, I hear you"). Most people have the nerve to "insist" their ideas on me (read: shoving them down my throat).
All my life I felt everyone is trying to assert some amount of control over me.Like I said, telling me what to do and what I should be concerned about. Sometimes, even putting words in my mouth (even though I don't have a lot of words to go around with). I really hate that.
I just want someone who listens. I mean, someone who would listen without being judgemental. Someone who wouldn't force an advice when I don't ask for any. I need someone who listens. And people who really "listen" are very hard to find.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Ini adalah tokek. Beliau sangat femes di pulau ini. Beliau merupakan penghuni asal(tetap) di kediaman saya. Beliau gemar mengeluarkan bunyi aneh ketika senja berlabuh dan jauh di tengah malam. Beliau juga merupakan seorang yang pemalu. Beliau tidak seperti cicak yang lain kerana beliau adalah seekor tokek.
what really pains is the fact that i find it difficult to adjust myself socially. Its hard for me to be myself here: the part of me who is totally unfit to be a teacher. even more, this is a place where teachers are respected individuals and people know who you are. It wouldnt be smart to start being myself right away.
I have always been away from home for the most part in my life. So, im used to not missing people so much. Yup, you guessed it. Im starting to miss people. I miss the people who I am comfortable with. I miss the people who are more accepting of who I am. I know I should not be judging people but I know the people here are the kind who would not be as accepting. I just know it. Oh well. Time will tell.
but really. I miss the people who mind me goofing, perving, and dicking around. even in their faces. Oh, how i really have to grow up. I had to get out of my comfort zone sooner or later, which is now. but i REALLY hate being what people expect me to be. what they had in their minds how i should be. Oh, how individualistic i am.
for the time being, the best i could do is to be committed in getting the job done. Our lecturer, Mr. Bala, once advised that we avoid going all out in the first few years of teaching. Or we might risk total burnout. true. but like i said before in a previous post, commitment is difficult for me because I am like that of a gypsy. I am never in one place for too long. I have been on the move for the most part of my life. now that my family had settled on a permanent address, I am not always home. And i know i wouldnt be long here.
I have a home to come back to. and this is not home.
yes, now im teaching on an island. sounds like im making a big deal out of it. probably i am. the island is pretty nice. the seaside is scenic and beautiful. its an hour ferry ride from the mainland, far far towards the ocean (no way you can swim back, smaller boats are in a hell of a ride if the weather's shitty.
the people's nice. the students still have respect for teachers. the principal is stern (really really stern) but he's a nice guy underneath. so, the people, in a nutshell, are okay. I have a lot of complaints but hey, i should learn to count my blessings because some of my friends are having it way way shittier. hell, what proof of a man i have if i cant overcome these challenges.
so, im gonna cut my complaints short. we're having problems regarding getting a place to stay. as of right now we are staying in the principal's home. ooh, staying with the boss. there are some suggested places: one is at reasonable price with 4 rooms but, there is catch, it is haunted. many have tried and left. so, i'll take their word for it: respect the locals and the environment you live in. one is on the seaside. during the monsoon it will be flooded by high rising seawater.
ok, thats it for now. To everyone this may concern, I kinda miss you all and I sometimes love you all.
I got a long day tomorrow. see ya.
p/s: i'll post some pics of the island the next chance i get on FB.
Marina Court and Promenade Apartments is a swell place to stay in. The rooms are sweet. the bathrooms are superstandard. Dinner in Promenade. Promenade is not the best in terms of its hotel rooms but the food is legendary across KK. We are totally spoiled.
..............
I've read of situations like this in a book once. A regiment of 101st Airborne troopers was fed spaghetti and ice cream the afternoon before they went for a mass jump near St. Mere Eglise for Operation Market Garden. Many, I mean MANY, did not make it through the night jump. Many were mowed down as they land on the ground. Some even died before they hit the ground. Some did not even make it out of the plane.
Analogies. I hope where they're sendng me is not half as bad as I worry them to be.
