listen

One of the things I hate the most is when people telling what I should do and what I should care about. This might make sound arrogant, selfish and all but that's how it is. Even more irritating, I usually listen to their advice and just nod back (my way of showing approval, "yeah, I hear you"). Most people have the nerve to "insist" their ideas on me (read: shoving them down my throat).

All my life I felt everyone is trying to assert some amount of control over me.Like I said, telling me what to do and what I should be concerned about. Sometimes, even putting words in my mouth (even though I don't have a lot of words to go around with). I really hate that.

I just want someone who listens. I mean, someone who would listen without being judgemental. Someone who wouldn't force an advice when I don't ask for any. I need someone who listens. And people who really "listen" are very hard to find.

Ini adalah tokek.
Beliau sangat femes di pulau ini.
Beliau merupakan penghuni asal(tetap) di kediaman saya.
Beliau gemar mengeluarkan bunyi aneh ketika senja berlabuh dan jauh di tengah malam.
Beliau juga merupakan seorang yang pemalu.
Beliau tidak seperti cicak yang lain
kerana beliau adalah seekor tokek.

home is where the heart is

what really pains is the fact that i find it difficult to adjust myself socially. Its hard for me to be myself here: the part of me who is totally unfit to be a teacher. even more, this is a place where teachers are respected individuals and people know who you are. It wouldnt be smart to start being myself right away.

I have always been away from home for the most part in my life. So, im used to not missing people so much. Yup, you guessed it. Im starting to miss people. I miss the people who I am comfortable with. I miss the people who are more accepting of who I am. I know I should not be judging people but I know the people here are the kind who would not be as accepting. I just know it. Oh well. Time will tell.

but really. I miss the people who mind me goofing, perving, and dicking around. even in their faces. Oh, how i really have to grow up. I had to get out of my comfort zone sooner or later, which is now. but i REALLY hate being what people expect me to be. what they had in their minds how i should be. Oh, how individualistic i am.

for the time being, the best i could do is to be committed in getting the job done. Our lecturer, Mr. Bala, once advised that we avoid going all out in the first few years of teaching. Or we might risk total burnout. true. but like i said before in a previous post, commitment is difficult for me because I am like that of a gypsy. I am never in one place for too long. I have been on the move for the most part of my life. now that my family had settled on a permanent address, I am not always home. And i know i wouldnt be long here.

I have a home to come back to. and this is not home.


p/s: omg, look at the time!

to all,

you have no idea how i miss the old days.

an update: the island

yes, now im teaching on an island. sounds like im making a big deal out of it. probably i am. the island is pretty nice. the seaside is scenic and beautiful. its an hour ferry ride from the mainland, far far towards the ocean (no way you can swim back, smaller boats are in a hell of a ride if the weather's shitty.

the people's nice. the students still have respect for teachers. the principal is stern (really really stern) but he's a nice guy underneath. so, the people, in a nutshell, are okay. I have a lot of complaints but hey, i should learn to count my blessings because some of my friends are having it way way shittier. hell, what proof of a man i have if i cant overcome these challenges.

so, im gonna cut my complaints short. we're having problems regarding getting a place to stay. as of right now we are staying in the principal's home. ooh, staying with the boss. there are some suggested places: one is at reasonable price with 4 rooms but, there is catch, it is haunted. many have tried and left. so, i'll take their word for it: respect the locals and the environment you live in. one is on the seaside. during the monsoon it will be flooded by high rising seawater.

ok, thats it for now. To everyone this may concern, I kinda miss you all and I sometimes love you all.

I got a long day tomorrow. see ya.


p/s: i'll post some pics of the island the next chance i get on FB.

before the jump

Marina Court and Promenade Apartments is a swell place to stay in. The rooms are sweet. the bathrooms are superstandard. Dinner in Promenade. Promenade is not the best in terms of its hotel rooms but the food is legendary across KK. We are totally spoiled.

..............

I've read of situations like this in a book once. A regiment of 101st Airborne troopers was fed spaghetti and ice cream the afternoon before they went for a mass jump near St. Mere Eglise for Operation Market Garden. Many, I mean MANY, did not make it through the night jump. Many were mowed down as they land on the ground. Some even died before they hit the ground. Some did not even make it out of the plane.

Analogies. I hope where they're sendng me is not half as bad as I worry them to be.

so thats it?

last nite, there was noise (probably laughter) next door.

today, there was none.

The silence was not eerie. it was rather solemn.

in the entire top floor, there is only me now.

it feels odd. It feels like a loss.

I'm all (always) come and go but this is odd.

It feels like loss.

so thats it?

yeah, i guess this is it. and i think its my turn to go.

verbatim: facebook irony

social network sites such as facebook, friendster, myspace and etc. are meant to bring/connect people together - some use that as their slogan.

An article from The Escapist reveals a recent study, almost 25 percent of facebook users have been dumped through the site. Most of them did not realize they were being dumped until they read a status update.

the M.O.: Change your status to "single", never return calls, wall posts and private messages. and wait.

You can read the rest here.

For those of you who had the privilege of having a person-to-person breakup/rejection, this should make you feel good considering that the other person still has the respect/guts give the news to your sorry face.

"Facebook can be a wonderful tool to manipulate a person's image for dating purposes as well as providing an easy way out when it comes to doing the dirty work." - Clifford Lerner

Recipe to something

Here's a great recipe I learned. It called the recipe to Something:

(Nothing) + You + You doing something about it = something.

I hope it helps all you people out there.

ize of the world

An egg to fertilize,
A pulse to stabilize,
A body to deodorize,
A life to scrutinize,
A child to criticize,
Young adults
to modernize,
Citizens to terrorize,
Generations to desensitize.

A desk to organize,
A product to advertise,
A market to monopolize,
Movie stars to idolize,
Leaders to scandalize,
Enemies to neutralize,
No time to apologize,
Fury to tranquilize,
Weapons to synchronize,
Cities to
vaporize.

-The Strokes, Ize of the world

limbo

Its Wednesday already? It feels like Wednesday was just yesterday.

Waiting. I wonder how many of us enjoy waiting? Sometimes I do, for starters. Right now, it feels like I am in a limbo. Waiting really discourages from taking any commitment, let alone do anything worthwhile. I was thinking of taking a part-time but I just don’t have the network to find me one that fits the time frame I have at the moment. Well, that’s just an excuse for someone who’s too lazy to go out there and be found. Or do anything to be exact. the set of skills we have can’t be put to good use if you don’t have the connections who need them.

Every semester break feels like walking in a limbo. I just can’t get myself to do anything worthwhile, rather than just indulging in favourite hobbies and pastimes. I think its this “waiting” thing. Like I said earlier, waiting discourages me from committing to anything. Maybe I’m just committed to this “waiting” thing. Or may be it’s the anticipation that the wait will be over (whether I want it or not). A new semester comes after every semester break. A new set of things to do. To accomplish. To endure. But now, there won’t be a new semester (except when I start teaching). But it still isn’t closure. I want to say I have graduated but the status still is certified and official (convocation, I guess?). Hmmm….closure? That’s a big word. Closure.

Closure? Its funny how we spent most of our lives looking for a closure, or make one. Does closure means ending? C’est finis? Speaking of language, closure does not necessarily imply ending. More accurately, I think it means “to close an opening”. To finish what we started. Hmm….I think it does shows that a closure is an ending. Like, is graduation a closure to our 6-year crusade? Crusade is a big word and it does sound like I’m exaggerating. Our quest for good grades, recognition and accomplishments. I don’t think there is such a thing as true closure (except for Judgment Day, that is). Everything that happens in the so called “end” are merely a transition. Even closure is a transition.

The end of a 6-year course is by no means an end. It is just a transition. This limbo I’m experiencing is probably a phase in that “transition”. This is me moving from being a student to a graduate. And then to a practitioner. Or a post-graduate. Or a parent. Or anything I’m trained (or not) to do. This is me moving towards something bigger. This is us preparing for roles and responsibilities. This is us being involved in matters of real importance.

So, closure is by no means the end. It may be the end of something, of course. This is where the over-used quote “the end is just the beginning” falls into place. And then, life moves on.

Another week and I’ll be back to do things. Important things. The only demotivating part of the teaching profession are the things

“Love is like a wonderfruit. One bite will have tens of flavours and sensations spreading across your senses. Sometimes it happens so fast you can’t tell in what order the come into you. Sometimes it happens simultaneously, making you think it’s all in one big flavour. I don’t know if there was ever such a fruit.”

Pedo-bear Platinum Sign of Approval

Who to blame? this poll gives you a list with who to start with.
(click to enlarge)

A bunch of skimpy dressed 7 years old dancing to Single Ladies is causing an uproar at the Escapist. Read the forum here. What do you think? Some may not see this as a problem. I am neutral at the moment of typing.

This the aforementioned video:

"Its just you and me. And nobody has to know"

quick update

so, a lot have been going on in the last few weeks. I can't decide on a decent topic to blog about. Did I mention that I had an awesome vacation? Yeah, I had awesome vacation with friends. In our farewell dinner, I was voted as "The Committed One" (whatever that means, I got a plaque to go with that). I think I am rather committed in being a total arse.

If I had to summarize what happened this post-semester, it would go something like this: a lot happened, a few didn't happen and a lot are going to happen. Is it possible to not hope but still look forward to something? I think I can make things right this time but a lot effort is in order. The best laid plans are meant to be ruined.

I just have to look forward to it, right now.

"Dirty Thunderstorm"

pic taken from msnbc.com

In Iceland, instead of glowing, hot, gooey, orangey lava, volcanoes erupts with lightning. A lightning-spewing volcano? How cool is that? Its way cooler than a flaming fart. Also less disgusting, more spectacle and WOW! Factor. Occurred last 19th April. Expert call this one a "dirty thunderstorm". The volcano had a funky name (it looks like someone decided to randomly run their fingers across the keyboard): Eyjafjallajoku, if my sources are reliable, means "icemountainglacier".


Europe could possibly be the coolest travel destination. Niagara Falls? Grand Canyon? They're great but Mother Nature's pyro(or electro) techiques is cooler.

On a related news, many flights in Europe had to be grounded because of the ash spat out from the eruption. I know I shouldn't be excited as this could be a prelude to a global phenomenon (i refuse to call it a disaster). Dirty thunderstorms are considered a rarity.

I swear it looks like straight out of a sci-fi.

Bollywood Halo

OMG.

OMG.

Man,

I'm just lost for words.

Children's Choir: Still

A school teacher decides to arrange a children's choir rendition of Still Alive from Portal. It turns out to be cute, especially with the neon dress. Another toast to the celebration of geek culture. So, where's the cake?

The teacher's blog, here.

It was easy

What made it so easy for me, despite being hopeful, in denial and pathetic?

First, it was easy for them so I don't see why it should be difficult for me.

Second, I have always believed that there are bigger things waiting for them and I am in the way.

Who am I to deny them what they deserve? So, I stood out of the way.

It may make me look like a flighty person, but I'm trying hard to do whats best for them and what's right for me.

People say I'm too naive and too nice for my own good. Let's keep it that way.

Riddles

I came across these two riddles when I was playing Silent Hill Homecoming few days back.

1. "What man loves more than life,
Fears more than death or mortal strife,
What poor men have, the rich acquire,
What misers spend, whats wastrels save,
and each man carries to the grave?"


2. "The man who devised it
does not want it,
the man who bought it does not use it,
the man who used it does not realize it".


Of course, I figured both out. And it was made easier because there were picture clues.

charcoal for diarrhoea

few months back i found out that charcoal can be used as a remedy for diarrhoea. im not sure which charcoal but it involves activated charcoal, charcoal made very porous with large surface area ideal for absorptions and chemical reactions. I saw a few charcoal tablets in farmacies but im really curious about those charcoal in its raw form. Are they on sale? Are they safe for consumption? Which ones are they?

I also heard they work wonders in reducing flatulence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activated_carbon

I'm rather curious and concern because I want to make sure its safe to grab a few from the barbeque pitt when the time comes.

meet the new rig

they say dreams really do come true. I've drooled on the pages of magazines. Now, I can drool on my own desk.

dreams requires great sacrifice: money (obviously) and not going out for "sushi and good times" with friends. It was unbelievable that i managed to round up enough cash, and unbelievable still, i had give it all away at once. Could be the boldest move yet this year and I will have to cut a lot of corners to make through the upcoming months. This better be worth it.





what to do after a big upgrade? Re-install some old games from the shelf and push all settings to maximum, hence the Nvidia tagline experience ("Play it the way its meant to be played", finally).