when you're used to being healthy all year long, a simple fever can bring all sorts of pain and suffering.
we fear death. as evident in a recurring dream, where a small bonfire is like an oasis in a cold snowy field. it gets further as i walk towards the warmth. like a mirage. the bonechilling cold never subsides. nothing i do makes it go away.
december. I am reduced to a penniless hobo trying to make little go a long way. a little can go a long way.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
remember that word people say to be the longest word in English? that supercalifra-something-something? tongue-twisting.
I can't actually remember the name of the movie which introduced the word but I'm guessing it must have something to do with Mary Poppins.
While I was browsing the Net in search of famous internet memes, for personal research purposes (y'know memes like "all your base are belong to us", "O RLY?" and things like that), I found this.
I know what most of you might think before you even want to click that PLAY button: "This is another one of those internet remixes, which will be silly and I don't to waste 3 minutes 11 seconds of life as I have wasted the last 4 minutes visiting this blog". It might not be up to the tastes of most people but let me assure you that. I find this remix very....very....i don't know the word for it. "Good", probably. "Surprisingly catchy", yes. It has that feel of a Euro-Pop mix. Kinda like one of those Euro trance music those guys in Europe make.
If you like it, the author have generously provided a link to a free download of the mp3, here.
Or directly, here
I can't actually remember the name of the movie which introduced the word but I'm guessing it must have something to do with Mary Poppins.
While I was browsing the Net in search of famous internet memes, for personal research purposes (y'know memes like "all your base are belong to us", "O RLY?" and things like that), I found this.
I know what most of you might think before you even want to click that PLAY button: "This is another one of those internet remixes, which will be silly and I don't to waste 3 minutes 11 seconds of life as I have wasted the last 4 minutes visiting this blog". It might not be up to the tastes of most people but let me assure you that. I find this remix very....very....i don't know the word for it. "Good", probably. "Surprisingly catchy", yes. It has that feel of a Euro-Pop mix. Kinda like one of those Euro trance music those guys in Europe make.
If you like it, the author have generously provided a link to a free download of the mp3, here.
Or directly, here
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
death toll
the heat of H1N1 seems to have died down a bit. I think the whole nation was pretty terrified by then. A strain of flu capable of transmitting through physical contact. I think the people responsible did a great job keeping the flu from blowing out into epidemic proportions.
However, there are things more terrifying than a strain of animal flu: the road. So far, there are only 77 fatalities recorded for H1N1 within a period of almost a year after it struck. I admit 77 is a big number, I'll give you that. In the recent Ops Sikap conducted during the Raya season, death has reached up to 210 deaths - within 2-3 weeks. This number easily overshadows the H1N1 death toll.
H1N1 suggests a death rate of 6.41 people every month - scary number!
Get this: this means that death rate on the road during Ops Sikap (2-3 weeks) is 70 people per week, 10 people daily. Which is really terrifying. H1N1's death toll has been made insignificant in comparison.
H1N1 is fatal to those who belong in the high risk population: children, seniors, pregnant women, diabetics, low immunities and those who have serious ilnesses. Other than that, your chances of hitting it are close to none. what about roadkill? Just about anyone has a chance - as long as you're on a road or a highway. Sometimes, it doesn't matter whether you are a careful driver or not. Some accidents happen because of someone else's recklessness.
What bothers the most is not many realize the danger they are going through while on the road. Some people fail to realize the amount of carnage that is bound to happen when two tonnes of steel collide. there are opinions that suggests that the disturbing death rate roots from our attitude on the road. I have no objections there. Some attribute the quality of vehicles (especially local brands, lacking safety features and such) and poor maintenance of the vehicle itself. All the opinions points out that ignorance is the leading cause of death. I wouldn't argue with that.
Some might say that death is fate and there is nothing we could do to stop them. I beg to differ. Yes, I know when its "time", its "time". No stopping that, I believe. I believe that we can decide how we would like to "go". I mean, if not then how did the phrase "mati dalam kekufuran/keimanan" exist in the first place? it clearly shows that some parts of fate can be changed, even death. death is inevitable. but how do we "go" is something we can change.
If the time should ever come, let it be because of fate. Not of ignorance.
Ignorance should be considered as a natural cause of things to happen, like fire and stuff. Because it comes naturally.
However, there are things more terrifying than a strain of animal flu: the road. So far, there are only 77 fatalities recorded for H1N1 within a period of almost a year after it struck. I admit 77 is a big number, I'll give you that. In the recent Ops Sikap conducted during the Raya season, death has reached up to 210 deaths - within 2-3 weeks. This number easily overshadows the H1N1 death toll.
H1N1 suggests a death rate of 6.41 people every month - scary number!
Get this: this means that death rate on the road during Ops Sikap (2-3 weeks) is 70 people per week, 10 people daily. Which is really terrifying. H1N1's death toll has been made insignificant in comparison.
H1N1 is fatal to those who belong in the high risk population: children, seniors, pregnant women, diabetics, low immunities and those who have serious ilnesses. Other than that, your chances of hitting it are close to none. what about roadkill? Just about anyone has a chance - as long as you're on a road or a highway. Sometimes, it doesn't matter whether you are a careful driver or not. Some accidents happen because of someone else's recklessness.
What bothers the most is not many realize the danger they are going through while on the road. Some people fail to realize the amount of carnage that is bound to happen when two tonnes of steel collide. there are opinions that suggests that the disturbing death rate roots from our attitude on the road. I have no objections there. Some attribute the quality of vehicles (especially local brands, lacking safety features and such) and poor maintenance of the vehicle itself. All the opinions points out that ignorance is the leading cause of death. I wouldn't argue with that.
Some might say that death is fate and there is nothing we could do to stop them. I beg to differ. Yes, I know when its "time", its "time". No stopping that, I believe. I believe that we can decide how we would like to "go". I mean, if not then how did the phrase "mati dalam kekufuran/keimanan" exist in the first place? it clearly shows that some parts of fate can be changed, even death. death is inevitable. but how do we "go" is something we can change.
If the time should ever come, let it be because of fate. Not of ignorance.
Ignorance should be considered as a natural cause of things to happen, like fire and stuff. Because it comes naturally.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Gamer discussion: FPSes and some comments on REALISM. And also FANBOYISM.
hi. Im pretty simultaneously busy and lazy to write anything thoughtful or useful to anyone or myself lately. So...lately, I have a crush on just about every cute girl i meet.
nah, im just playing with you. I can guess that hook didn't work too well.
Between this year and next year, there's going to be a number of great games I'm really looking forward to. Most of them are FPSes (first person shooters). Let me tell you: teasers, trailers and live demos are great marketing strategies. It helps to keep the consumer base salivating and wondering about whats more to the product. The mind would be playing simulations of what fun gaming possibilities are possible based on what they have seen and that fuels the curiousity and desire to obtain the specific product. There's going to a lot of competition next year for game companies.
Theories aside, whenever I watch videos or read of communities sites I can't help but notice user are badmouthing each other because of several differences that didn't really matter at all. For example, which platform (XBOX360, PS3, PC and stuff like that) is better? It doesn't really matter if yours is the best. I guess the reason people keep flaming other platform users while trying to prove their point is that deep down inside they felt disappointed that they are stuck to playing on the same platform. They lack opportunities to explore other platforms and see what others are talking about.
My point is: if you really think a particular platform is better, please try to avoid condemning (do the words fit? thats like 3 verbs in a row) others. Yes, I understand your enthusiasm trying to convert others into joining your beloved platform. But these people might just be like you. Most people can't afford to enjoy more than one platform. I mean, I couldn't and probably won't have enough financial stability to do so for years to come. Its at least fair to let us enjoy what we have. I think its ok if we could try to politely convince (again: verbs 3 in a row) others if the current platform is just pure marketing bullshit and people are getting their money stolen under their noses.
i could go on and on but lets move on to: REALISM.
Another major topic discussed by gamers everywhere. Realism in graphics: realistic graphics seems to be a major appeal for most gamers (or people who think they are gamers. Well, I'll discuss on what is a real gamer and types of gamers in another post). there are occasions where some of my friends saw me playing classic vintages I've grabbed from abandonware (google it) or bootleg game sites (I'm still buying originals, though. If wallet permits - another topic to consider: Piracy. Later posts i guess). They were disgusted and appalled at the sight of me playing them. y'know games like metroid, doom 2, planescape torment and warcraft 2. They said: "Eww, the graphics are ugly" or "Buruk juga dia pny grafik".
"Yeah, if you notice, these games date back to the 80's and 90's. I guess you weren't a gamer back then" i thought. i became a gamer somewhere in the 90's (how that came to be is a slightly interesting story - save that for later posts). I understand that visual and audio appeal are important but i doesn't translate to real value. Shooting the same stuff and walk through the same artistically and beautifully designed landscape can get dry real quick.
Let's see the realism aspect of gameplay. Most gamers whine how unrealistic games can be. Like, how you run, jump while gunning and still hit a target. how you can be revived from a quick zap with a defibrillator. How you can survived a grenade blast. It goes on and on. Let's get the facts straight: when there's a high degree of realism, it is called a simulation game. Face it, simulators are boring if you're not into that shit. they are the least fun for gamers who think of 2D graphics like girls with no "feminine" features (but they still make up with their personality. All the time). If you think realism is they way to go, try playing Armed Assault 2, Operation Flashpoint or America's Army. I might enjoy them because partly maybe I am a military geek.
I'm not sure how many would enjoy playing shooters with no crosshairs, no ammo count, no HUD notification of where a shot is coming from, no health bars, no minimaps, how equipment weight severely affects performance, one hit kill and other stuff that happens in real life. Like weapons malfunctioning when sand and water gets into the bolt mechanism. Then, you would have to play a minigame where you desperately do a takedown on your weapon and clean vital parts - all during a firefight. Like thats possible.
America's Army 3 for example. Your soldiers are bound to the Rules of Engagement, ROE (google that too), which means you cant be shooting every all moving object you could put a round into it. you'll have to identify it as threat. Do they carry weapons? Are the colours hostile? What are the circumstances? Do you have orders to engage? Where is your superior officer in the situation? Are they retreating (according to the Geneva convention, you can't shoot combatants in the back or when they are retreating)? For the average gamer, its all too overwhelming. Face it: most gamers are a shallow bunch. they gawk at hot beach girls with fake titties (ok, well. not all of them).
what I'm trying to say is: most real-life-like games are given unrealistic features because they have been tested by playtesters and proven to provide optimum excitement to players. Or in simple terms: because they are FUN. Face it: You come back home from work to unwind. Real-life involves huge amount of stress. You play games to get away from all of that shit (plus The Sims 3 is an evil game. YOU ARE THE REAL PUPPET). Unrealism can help give players through those "holy shit!" "Ahahah! Whoa that was wicked shit AWESOME!" moments we could remember and retell like a grizzled, bitter war veteran.
Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate realism. It takes real effort for developers to create a game with those minute details of realism. It can be exciting if you are genuinely interested. To me, a game is a product we buy with cold hard cash. It represents the investment and effort made by the hardworking people in a company. It is the fruit of their long brainstorming sessions finding ways to deliver us the excitement not remotely possible in real life. I am often put off by money making ploys of companies trying to make quick bucks. For example, games based on a movie franchise and one of those Chinese MMOs - little production values and the company owners posted in my PCGamer pretending like they know enjoy or give a damn about this whole gaming thing, if you know what I mean.
Finally, my take on realism: games provide you with the right amount of the right stimulus, your brain generates FUN. It doesnt get simpler than that. Im going to talk about political sensitivities in games but I'll save that for later.
And my take on FANBOYISM: well, maybe I won't say more on the matter but I would like comment on game famously known as DOTA. I don't hate the game. its fun. Its exciting. when played with friends. What disgusts the most is when someone plays DOTA a lot starts claiming themselves as hardcore gamers (like "DOTA is the best game ever in the universe" bullshit". Its a mod goddammit. Why Warcraft III didnt get any credit?). These people walk around like they're SO hardcore and start l33t-speaking about how they PWN the game and shit. Yes, your unmatched skill and vast insightful knowledge all the characters and item combo are valuable assets to the gaming community. "Oh, you do play other games? Oh, like what? Bejeweled? Diner Dash? Jojo's Fashion Show? Bejeweled 2?" Oh oh, and probably the only shooter you've played, other than CS, would be a game about a frog shooting colored BALLS out of its mouth which consequently blows up other matching color balls if they are 3 in a row (take a guess what game it is. Haha). I guess I am humbled because these games can't compared to the awesome skill requirement, which you possess, in DOTA.
here's a teaser video, on a game time proven to be fun (I hope):
I like what they did to the audio. the sound effects are awesome and spot on, especially the part during the deafening shellshock. Its been done before but its still awesome. the weapons have a satisfying feedback. multiplayer seems to be very exciting. Definitely something to look forward to.
nah, im just playing with you. I can guess that hook didn't work too well.
Between this year and next year, there's going to be a number of great games I'm really looking forward to. Most of them are FPSes (first person shooters). Let me tell you: teasers, trailers and live demos are great marketing strategies. It helps to keep the consumer base salivating and wondering about whats more to the product. The mind would be playing simulations of what fun gaming possibilities are possible based on what they have seen and that fuels the curiousity and desire to obtain the specific product. There's going to a lot of competition next year for game companies.
Theories aside, whenever I watch videos or read of communities sites I can't help but notice user are badmouthing each other because of several differences that didn't really matter at all. For example, which platform (XBOX360, PS3, PC and stuff like that) is better? It doesn't really matter if yours is the best. I guess the reason people keep flaming other platform users while trying to prove their point is that deep down inside they felt disappointed that they are stuck to playing on the same platform. They lack opportunities to explore other platforms and see what others are talking about.
My point is: if you really think a particular platform is better, please try to avoid condemning (do the words fit? thats like 3 verbs in a row) others. Yes, I understand your enthusiasm trying to convert others into joining your beloved platform. But these people might just be like you. Most people can't afford to enjoy more than one platform. I mean, I couldn't and probably won't have enough financial stability to do so for years to come. Its at least fair to let us enjoy what we have. I think its ok if we could try to politely convince (again: verbs 3 in a row) others if the current platform is just pure marketing bullshit and people are getting their money stolen under their noses.
i could go on and on but lets move on to: REALISM.
Another major topic discussed by gamers everywhere. Realism in graphics: realistic graphics seems to be a major appeal for most gamers (or people who think they are gamers. Well, I'll discuss on what is a real gamer and types of gamers in another post). there are occasions where some of my friends saw me playing classic vintages I've grabbed from abandonware (google it) or bootleg game sites (I'm still buying originals, though. If wallet permits - another topic to consider: Piracy. Later posts i guess). They were disgusted and appalled at the sight of me playing them. y'know games like metroid, doom 2, planescape torment and warcraft 2. They said: "Eww, the graphics are ugly" or "Buruk juga dia pny grafik".
"Yeah, if you notice, these games date back to the 80's and 90's. I guess you weren't a gamer back then" i thought. i became a gamer somewhere in the 90's (how that came to be is a slightly interesting story - save that for later posts). I understand that visual and audio appeal are important but i doesn't translate to real value. Shooting the same stuff and walk through the same artistically and beautifully designed landscape can get dry real quick.
Let's see the realism aspect of gameplay. Most gamers whine how unrealistic games can be. Like, how you run, jump while gunning and still hit a target. how you can be revived from a quick zap with a defibrillator. How you can survived a grenade blast. It goes on and on. Let's get the facts straight: when there's a high degree of realism, it is called a simulation game. Face it, simulators are boring if you're not into that shit. they are the least fun for gamers who think of 2D graphics like girls with no "feminine" features (but they still make up with their personality. All the time). If you think realism is they way to go, try playing Armed Assault 2, Operation Flashpoint or America's Army. I might enjoy them because partly maybe I am a military geek.
I'm not sure how many would enjoy playing shooters with no crosshairs, no ammo count, no HUD notification of where a shot is coming from, no health bars, no minimaps, how equipment weight severely affects performance, one hit kill and other stuff that happens in real life. Like weapons malfunctioning when sand and water gets into the bolt mechanism. Then, you would have to play a minigame where you desperately do a takedown on your weapon and clean vital parts - all during a firefight. Like thats possible.
America's Army 3 for example. Your soldiers are bound to the Rules of Engagement, ROE (google that too), which means you cant be shooting every all moving object you could put a round into it. you'll have to identify it as threat. Do they carry weapons? Are the colours hostile? What are the circumstances? Do you have orders to engage? Where is your superior officer in the situation? Are they retreating (according to the Geneva convention, you can't shoot combatants in the back or when they are retreating)? For the average gamer, its all too overwhelming. Face it: most gamers are a shallow bunch. they gawk at hot beach girls with fake titties (ok, well. not all of them).
what I'm trying to say is: most real-life-like games are given unrealistic features because they have been tested by playtesters and proven to provide optimum excitement to players. Or in simple terms: because they are FUN. Face it: You come back home from work to unwind. Real-life involves huge amount of stress. You play games to get away from all of that shit (plus The Sims 3 is an evil game. YOU ARE THE REAL PUPPET). Unrealism can help give players through those "holy shit!" "Ahahah! Whoa that was wicked shit AWESOME!" moments we could remember and retell like a grizzled, bitter war veteran.
Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate realism. It takes real effort for developers to create a game with those minute details of realism. It can be exciting if you are genuinely interested. To me, a game is a product we buy with cold hard cash. It represents the investment and effort made by the hardworking people in a company. It is the fruit of their long brainstorming sessions finding ways to deliver us the excitement not remotely possible in real life. I am often put off by money making ploys of companies trying to make quick bucks. For example, games based on a movie franchise and one of those Chinese MMOs - little production values and the company owners posted in my PCGamer pretending like they know enjoy or give a damn about this whole gaming thing, if you know what I mean.
Finally, my take on realism: games provide you with the right amount of the right stimulus, your brain generates FUN. It doesnt get simpler than that. Im going to talk about political sensitivities in games but I'll save that for later.
And my take on FANBOYISM: well, maybe I won't say more on the matter but I would like comment on game famously known as DOTA. I don't hate the game. its fun. Its exciting. when played with friends. What disgusts the most is when someone plays DOTA a lot starts claiming themselves as hardcore gamers (like "DOTA is the best game ever in the universe" bullshit". Its a mod goddammit. Why Warcraft III didnt get any credit?). These people walk around like they're SO hardcore and start l33t-speaking about how they PWN the game and shit. Yes, your unmatched skill and vast insightful knowledge all the characters and item combo are valuable assets to the gaming community. "Oh, you do play other games? Oh, like what? Bejeweled? Diner Dash? Jojo's Fashion Show? Bejeweled 2?" Oh oh, and probably the only shooter you've played, other than CS, would be a game about a frog shooting colored BALLS out of its mouth which consequently blows up other matching color balls if they are 3 in a row (take a guess what game it is. Haha). I guess I am humbled because these games can't compared to the awesome skill requirement, which you possess, in DOTA.
here's a teaser video, on a game time proven to be fun (I hope):
I like what they did to the audio. the sound effects are awesome and spot on, especially the part during the deafening shellshock. Its been done before but its still awesome. the weapons have a satisfying feedback. multiplayer seems to be very exciting. Definitely something to look forward to.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
anti-social
"...People are shit. Whenever I'm in a crowd I think "who left this shit all over the place?". I'm shit. You're shit. The world is shit. And if you're sitting there thinking "yes its true. Everybody is shit EXCEPT me"; then you're a double-bacon shit-with-large-fries, mr. shitface...
...Sorry, this reflects badly on me doesn't it? I should've said: Mr. OR Mrs. shitface."
...Sorry, this reflects badly on me doesn't it? I should've said: Mr. OR Mrs. shitface."
-Bill "Yahtzee" Croshaw
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Two clouds and a rainbow
amazingsuperpowers.com
"What do those two clouds look like to you?" "They look like total pricks to me."
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
double kill
The scorpion had the centipede, but someone's treads got the both of them. Then, they were sun-baked to crispiness. Quite close. Quite tragic.*Note: Double kill is actually of a reference from Unreal Tournament 2003 and 2004, FYI to those who play Defense of the Ancients (you mortals call it DotA). All the kill announcements are taken from the same game.
Friday, September 04, 2009
"What comes after one? Two comes after one!"
You'll have to agree with me that this is going to be a potential Hollywood movie. It combines the dark, serious tone of war with comedy elements of its characters. I really hope someone makes a movie out of this.
Can you see the potential?
"So you're suggesting the rainbow sprinkles is the way forward with the donuts?"
And the cinema trailer would go like this:
the backstory
Its just begging to be made a movie.
Can you see the potential?
"So you're suggesting the rainbow sprinkles is the way forward with the donuts?"
And the cinema trailer would go like this:
the backstory
Its just begging to be made a movie.
Wrist-Mounted Flamethrower
You are a liar if you say don't want one. I want one. This is so AWESOME.
I want to mount one on my bike so no one would dare follow me from behind.
I want to mount one on my bike so no one would dare follow me from behind.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
where did sleep gone to?
I embrace the still silence and the cold humid night.
I sway with dizzyness and lethargy.
I play with words in an awkward manner, making mistakes on purpose. Or not.
I am glad I chose headphones over a set of satellite speakers. Late night playlists blaring on 70% and I'm the only one doing the jives.
I love it when the cat curls up in a fetal position on my lap as I struggle to plan my next lesson.
I find it amusing how a simple act of procrastination is capable of such grief and depression.
Yet, I keep repeating them like a dose of nicotine I can't get out of my veins.
Sleep has become irregular. Giving me an excuse to whine to my students about how my eyes are burning. It hurts.
Bad habits die hard. Real hard.
I might go deaf.
I sway with dizzyness and lethargy.
I play with words in an awkward manner, making mistakes on purpose. Or not.
I am glad I chose headphones over a set of satellite speakers. Late night playlists blaring on 70% and I'm the only one doing the jives.
I love it when the cat curls up in a fetal position on my lap as I struggle to plan my next lesson.
I find it amusing how a simple act of procrastination is capable of such grief and depression.
Yet, I keep repeating them like a dose of nicotine I can't get out of my veins.
Sleep has become irregular. Giving me an excuse to whine to my students about how my eyes are burning. It hurts.
Bad habits die hard. Real hard.
I might go deaf.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Do you want to date my avatar?
the super viral hit music video on Youtube, scoring over a quarter million views 6 hours after its release. It features Felicia Day - from Buffy the Vampslayer and other shows. She's currently writing and acting in the webseries, "The Guild". Gotta admit the chorus is pretty catchy
The true geek fantasy.
The true geek fantasy.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
good news bad news and stuff
Having to go through a series fortunes and misfortunes can often throw your mind off-balance.
First, I found out that I had a new nickname given to me by the afternoon classes. Unfortunately, I'm not the most I'm the teacher "with the random stories". Come to think of it: I do tell them random stories during relief classes. I began to notice this after I had a long chat at the cafeteria and a student came to me telling me that I'm late for a relief class (?). Yea, so I went la. I was relieving a science teacher. As I came in, they greeted me, and they go:
"Teacher, tell us more random stories. Like last week."
And they'll be staring at me, waiting. I'll be staring outside the window (or the ceiling) for like 5 minutes and then, I abruptly go - "Hey, did you know that......etc etc?" I was a bit flattered when those kids were following me like some cosmetic/massage chair/special offer saleswomen, trying to get me into their class. A lot of teachers were out this week because they had to attend so many workshops and meetings. I should go out do more stuff or read more. I think I'm beginning to run out of stuff to talk about.
On the flipside, my random numbskullery with Dewi and Nurhayati at the cafeteria did cost me a bit of my reputation as a teacher. Some were shaking their heads listening to my idiotic disgusting jokes. They will NEVER see me the same way again. Didn't really matter though. They were from the morning session. Ha, won't be teaching them anyway. I made fun of their names and stuff. Fraternizing with girls, I also found out a secret about some girl named Margaret. So, I was like "yea, that's cool".
Above all, I realized how I was not really behaving like a teacher should. I would have to fix that someday. For the time being, screw it.
Bad news. yea, bad news. Someone broke into my room last nite and stole my phone. And my roomate's phone. And his phone charger. And his new pack of cigarettes. This is going to cause some financial headache. Thankfully that was all he took. I was glad he didn't took my laptop, or worse, my car keys.
Thank god for that.
First, I found out that I had a new nickname given to me by the afternoon classes. Unfortunately, I'm not the most I'm the teacher "with the random stories". Come to think of it: I do tell them random stories during relief classes. I began to notice this after I had a long chat at the cafeteria and a student came to me telling me that I'm late for a relief class (?). Yea, so I went la. I was relieving a science teacher. As I came in, they greeted me, and they go:
"Teacher, tell us more random stories. Like last week."
And they'll be staring at me, waiting. I'll be staring outside the window (or the ceiling) for like 5 minutes and then, I abruptly go - "Hey, did you know that......etc etc?" I was a bit flattered when those kids were following me like some cosmetic/massage chair/special offer saleswomen, trying to get me into their class. A lot of teachers were out this week because they had to attend so many workshops and meetings. I should go out do more stuff or read more. I think I'm beginning to run out of stuff to talk about.
On the flipside, my random numbskullery with Dewi and Nurhayati at the cafeteria did cost me a bit of my reputation as a teacher. Some were shaking their heads listening to my idiotic disgusting jokes. They will NEVER see me the same way again. Didn't really matter though. They were from the morning session. Ha, won't be teaching them anyway. I made fun of their names and stuff. Fraternizing with girls, I also found out a secret about some girl named Margaret. So, I was like "yea, that's cool".
Above all, I realized how I was not really behaving like a teacher should. I would have to fix that someday. For the time being, screw it.
Bad news. yea, bad news. Someone broke into my room last nite and stole my phone. And my roomate's phone. And his phone charger. And his new pack of cigarettes. This is going to cause some financial headache. Thankfully that was all he took. I was glad he didn't took my laptop, or worse, my car keys.
Thank god for that.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Honorable Mentions: Best Photo
This goes to Nur Hanna Hassan @ Kedek, for this awesome photo of me. Her awesome timing with the digital camera has helped made this "probably-the-best-photo-of-me-ever-probably" possible.
This photo somehow gave me the feeling of being a super youth, or something like that.
Whatev's it is, its awesome.
View photo here.
Or the full photo, here.
Friday, August 07, 2009
blue screens and being grateful
Its, like, the umpteenth bajilion times this had happened today. A consequence of my efforts trying to squeeze out every single drop of performance out of the poor machine. Hardware and driver tweaks have lead to incompatibilities and other mishaps - hence the blue terror you see before you. They say you haven't squeezed out every single drop if you haven't used them for less than five years. This machine here has only made it halfway.
Sometimes I wish a kind soul would sent an M17 my way. I'd skip practicum for that to happen.
Nevertheless (or however), I'm still (very) grateful with having this piece with me. It has done me great service. And it can still do awesome things for me; burning awesome music on the awesome CDs, keep important (and not-so-important) stuff, play some wonderful music, good movies and read insightful articles, learn awesome stuff fro Youtube, web surfing - including writing this post rite here. I guess its going to keep serving me for a couple more years. Until its time to do what has to be done.
*kisses the LCD screen*
I'm going to stop squeezing juice out of the machine. For now. It deserves to perform the way it wants to perform.
What are you grateful for today?
Monday, August 03, 2009
How do I deal with this?
I'll admit that I'm desperate for help.
There's this girl in a class I teach. I suspect that she's dyslexic. Sometimes I observe her doing her own work. What I saw: she was doing her geography homework - and she was copying the textbook. Word by word. Everytime I gave these girls some individual work, I noticed her friends are actually the ones doing the writing for her.
It calls for an investigation. I asked her friends about her, but I still haven't asked the teachers. I found out she had trouble reading. She had trouble distinguishing sounds and making sense of spellings. Dyslexic? There is a probability that may be so.
I found out even more beyond her impaired ability to read. It was test week during my first arrival at school. I was assigned to invigilate the Maths and Science test for this particular class. As I was doing my rounds, I noticed her arms. They were riddled with scars. There were some short and thick ones. But most were long thin lines criss-crossing her arms. A friend of hers told me that she had family problems. I was also informed that earlier this year she cut herself on her arms; she explains the reason for the long thin scars which caresses along her arms like a slithering snake making its way up a fair and smooth branch.
She didn't seem depressed. She was smiling a lot. She participated (and interrupted) during my teaching session. Well, she's quiet most of the time. Somehow, the more I look at her the more I saw. In her eyes I saw a quiet struggle. A struggle she took her sweet time fighting. She pushed forward but did not pushed hard. It felt like there's something big on top her - trying to crush her - but she's only holding it off where it only stops inches away from crushing her into singularity.
I have little experience with these kind of troubles. I live a normal happy life; to tell them I can help them would be a tad too difficult. I was also informed that she went in and out of counseling.
What do I do? How do I deal with this?
There's this girl in a class I teach. I suspect that she's dyslexic. Sometimes I observe her doing her own work. What I saw: she was doing her geography homework - and she was copying the textbook. Word by word. Everytime I gave these girls some individual work, I noticed her friends are actually the ones doing the writing for her.
It calls for an investigation. I asked her friends about her, but I still haven't asked the teachers. I found out she had trouble reading. She had trouble distinguishing sounds and making sense of spellings. Dyslexic? There is a probability that may be so.
I found out even more beyond her impaired ability to read. It was test week during my first arrival at school. I was assigned to invigilate the Maths and Science test for this particular class. As I was doing my rounds, I noticed her arms. They were riddled with scars. There were some short and thick ones. But most were long thin lines criss-crossing her arms. A friend of hers told me that she had family problems. I was also informed that earlier this year she cut herself on her arms; she explains the reason for the long thin scars which caresses along her arms like a slithering snake making its way up a fair and smooth branch.
She didn't seem depressed. She was smiling a lot. She participated (and interrupted) during my teaching session. Well, she's quiet most of the time. Somehow, the more I look at her the more I saw. In her eyes I saw a quiet struggle. A struggle she took her sweet time fighting. She pushed forward but did not pushed hard. It felt like there's something big on top her - trying to crush her - but she's only holding it off where it only stops inches away from crushing her into singularity.
I have little experience with these kind of troubles. I live a normal happy life; to tell them I can help them would be a tad too difficult. I was also informed that she went in and out of counseling.
What do I do? How do I deal with this?
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sunday Afternoon
Sundays. I love sundays. I resent them too. Being the last few moments I had to do things I want and I love, and the next to be thrown into life's unrelenting challenges. Its hard to enjoy myself without having to think about those things.
I find this afternoon very ideal. I'm here sitting in front of my desk, behind the screen. Staring emptily into the bright sunlight every few minutes. Look at the beautiful blue and white sunny sky. I think I was just momentarily blinded, by the light.
Complains? I wish the good people here would improve their toilet accuracy, for both liquid and solids.
Other than that, I'm pretty much grateful for everything.
What are you grateful for today?
reflection
yeah.
i was thinking of writing about my school experience but I already have a reflective journal (no, they don't come with reflective surface.) courtesy of the good people from the faculty of education.
I wish I was a cat. I'd sleep 15 hours a day. People will admire me if I had beautiful fur. I'd roll over and spread myself on the floor to get some attention. And I can play with my food before I eat them.
i was thinking of writing about my school experience but I already have a reflective journal (no, they don't come with reflective surface.) courtesy of the good people from the faculty of education.
I wish I was a cat. I'd sleep 15 hours a day. People will admire me if I had beautiful fur. I'd roll over and spread myself on the floor to get some attention. And I can play with my food before I eat them.
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