Imagine working all your life, clawing your way to the top, putting in long hours, neglecting the family, stabbing people in the back and generally being thoughy a shit by everyone you come in contact with, just to have a highway bridge named after you.

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A way to remember me + Rescue (Never Let You Down)

I'm not really sure about the title but I'm sure its "a way to remember me". Superb performance by the man.
he made a lot of songs since the his last album was released. his songs will appeal to vocal power aficionados and casual listeners the same.

Try listening to his other songs from the same show here. (Don't worry they're perfectly legal downloads, courtesy of www.archive.org. you will need to have Winamp 5.6 to play them because they're in FLAC format - full lossless audio codec).

Or if converting awesome music between format is too much hassle for you, here another awesome song to help you justify the effort: Rescue (Never let you down). Jazzy with a hint of reggae. the [perfectly legal] mp3, here.

alternative: be a grown up on working days. revert to an overgrown teenager on weekends and holiday breaks.


getting married is a worse case scenario for the time being. but from the way things are going, I dont see that happening anytime soon. I'm good for another few years.

I am so whiny and immature.

It takes practice

when you're in love with something, its really hard to let go. even if letting go will do you so much good.

I love being young. I love being an undergrad (despite the whining during crunch seasons). I miss goofing off at times I shouldn't. But now I really really have to grow up. I work in a place full of grown ups. Everyone seems busy being a grown up. Juggling responsibilities. Making future plans. Thinking about ways of making more money. Marriage. Politics. World news. Cars. Sports. the economy.

back then it was so simple. but now, its like the whole world is on my shoulders. I held a share of public responsibilities. I had grades to improve (not mine), postgrad progress to report, financing, paperwork, documents to sort and stuff like that.

holding on means i wont be going anywhere. I need to go somewhere. it will a matter of time before this leads to regression.

Ultimatum: I must grow up. FAST.

Right now, I'm still a young and whiny little boy. I always thought this growing up thing is something that happens gradually over time. I would ease into it and wouldn't realize I did. Unfortunately, it happens right now. An active and conscious process.


I'm not ready but i will soon be. It takes practice, just like everything else. the sooner i get over this, the better (nooo!)

Regardless of the stupidity and vulgarity turns a lot of people off, that Stepbrothers movie made perfect sense.

made some minor adjustments to blog. page width has been modified to fully utilize the available space. in the previous width, i had to resize youtube videos so they can fit in without skooching over to the sidebars. HTML previous seemed like a diarrhoea of source codes, but thanks to this very helpful post, problem solved. there was so much real estate wasted back then.

fashionable gloves

pics from Mechanix

A pair of tactical gloves would be really fashionable. I'm thinking of getting those kevlar ones or those fireproof Nomex(tm) kind of deals. So they wouldn't be just for looks because you can totally rely on them to protect your fleshy hands. They would be totally great if I were to go for outdoor activities.

Skin tight jeans. I mean, why would anyone do that to themselves? Those things aren't even elastic or whatever. I understand the need for skin tight clothing but there must some other comfortable fabrics out there. Right? Right?

There are people close to me who keep bugging me to buy a pair new jeans: I just did, like, last November. So, I'm good for another year. Or two. Mom kept telling me to buy new clothes. Nice and fashionable ones. Not like the bland, plain ones I prefer. 

btw, i totally dig the desert-colored mechanix gloves.

life after varsity

 

strip taken from here

I think this comic probably describes best what i am feeling right now. the only difference is that my work demands a lot from me, so i decided to take my own sweet time. and not work like a dog.

maintenance underway

im gonna take some time to update the blog's layout. the size of pics are quite limited, even when set to large. when i tried manually modded its pixel count in the design html, image quality and sharpness was compromised despite being its actual pixel count.

i guess its time to iron out the blog's design for once.

measure of a man

From the way i see it, the measure of a man is based on these things: how much money he makes annually, his car(s) and his connections with important and famous people.

If this is the case, i can guess where i stand on the scale. If there is such scale. An obvious indicator would be the way how people extend their hand to you and how they greet you (or if they didn't).

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look at you

truthfully, i should never freak out whenever i look at myself in the mirror. i am bloody handsome, mind you (i like to think i am). thing is, the longer i look the more creepy it gets. I start to see beyond the blemishes, the fatness and such. I see all the things i did wrong and i did not correct. I imagine how my face would look like when i have wronged others. I see how my lack of exercise and unhealthy lifestyle has led to how i look today. I see...

...you can see how a piece of reflective surface can cause so much obsession and insecurities.
I have to start losing a few pounds.



on a side note, did you getting hit by grenades in COD: Black Ops can really hurt you? I mean, not by its explostions but by being directly smacked by a thrown grenade. Did you? I didn't.

See what I mean, here

(The Escapist Magazine is the only online news bulletin I frequent. Its pathetic, I know. World news just keeps getting depressing every day.)

rabies

This is a serious concern. Played with a pubescent cat at cousin's house. Suddenly, it got agitated and bit me twice. I mean like REALLY biting me. 2 hours later, there was quite a racket behind the furniture. The cat was having seizures and it peed all over the place.

Rabies? The kitty recovered 30 mins later. But whats going to happen to me? Based on previous cases, diseases carried by animals double their potency as they jump species (i.e. bird flu). I am genuinely worried.

Im seeing the doctor asap.

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hanna the haggler

On November 25th, witnessed Hanzie in a negotiation between her and a stallkeeper in Batu Feringghi. I was about to check out a stall when I saw her. The stall was selling table lanterns, the pretty very asian ones. She was ruthless and adamant. Stood her ground trying bargain the price to the lowest possible (as always, we try to get the best items at the lowest price imaginable.

Just like our Hanzie, the salesperson was pretty stiff too. By stiff, i mean, sticking to her "final offer". Thus, i am proud to say that the success of the purchase can be attributed not just to her ruthless bargaining ethic but also with the help of her accomplices. That would be me, taza, elvie and serra (i kinda like the idea of the mutual benefit we gained. I dont have to do anything but watch). We came into the scene as potential buyers, in hopes of success in Hanzie's negotiation thus getting a joint discount benefit.

The salesgirl finally gave in to her "awesome" bargaining skillz and we all walk away happy with our purchases. She managed to get away with almost half off of the original price - the stuff didn't actually cost that much in the first place. They were selling it with "tourist" prices.

Later, she explained it was only a matter of what you know. Or what she knew: the Chinese had this belief that you should refuse the first and last customer of the day. They bring you "ong" (Chinese term for fortune or luck, i dunno).

One more thing I've learned: Hanzie is an exploiter. In a practical way, though. The photo above is her looking smug (muka puas) right after the transaction.

In a related, Penang is a great place for a vacation, especially Georgetown. However, it is a very tourist-oriented location that prices are a tad bit costly for the average student budget. But there are still places where you can get things a lot cheaper, im sure.

I had a great convo-vacation and will write more about it later. Until then, that's all for now.

I wonder where's my next vacation gonna be? Will i be able to have enough to afford it? Will I have the time?

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anthony burgess and malaya

I've just read Yasmin Ahmad's film. It is mentioned that Anthony Burgess wrote a book called the Malayan Trilogy. Really? He, THE writer of A Clockwork Orange? That IS a surprise. In his book, he stated that he is not proud of it despite it being his most famous publishing.

I love Clockwork. It dwells on what it means to be human. Good and evil is a choice. Depriving one that choice, depending on how you look at it, is rather inhumane - regardless of intention. However, that is no reason to stop convincing people to choose good over the other. Persuasion rather than forcing an ideal is in order, fortunately.

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train ride

On a train bound for Penang. I'm sitting next to the window. As I watch the change of scene outside, I can think of one thing: cue soundtrack - Gypsy MC.

"Fame is nothing more than loving someone,
Fortune is nothing more than loving what you do"

now, would be a good time to reflect everything that has happened these past few months. Or read a book. Or get some sleep. Or whatever.

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indecent exposure?

yep, another random post. hmm...went into a restroom/locker room in sutera just now. saw some old dude walking around in his birthday suit. that was probably things that would definitely go into my "must-not-see-ever" list. I bet these guys aren't from around here. there goes cultural sensitivity.

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i take my liberties whenever i can

God Rests in Reason

yeah, the title was a direct rip-off from a Mraz song. but here's a story i found from Disenchanted.com via Mightyinteresting.com:

“I had a vision this morning” the boy said to his father, “while throwing stones into a pond and watching the ripples. I saw another little boy on the furthest end of the Universe, on a planet so far away that if you’d shone a light in its direction on the second the Big Bang happened, the light still wouldn’t have reached it by now. And he was throwing stones into a pond just like me, and the circles were exactly the same.”

“They’re the same everywhere,” his father replied.

“So how do they know to be? Where did they learn their shape from?”

“Do you know what Pi is?”

“Yeah, we learned it in school last month.”

“Well Pi doesn’t have to be told what it is, just like 4 doesn’t need to be told it’s the sum of 2 + 2. And as long as Pi is what it is, every circle is the same everywhere.”

“But where do Pi and 4 come from?”

“They don’t come from anywhere, we just discover them whenever something happens. Numbers were always there, even if we never bothered to look for them, even if nobody ever drew a circle, or nobody ever threw a stone into a pond.”

Its the universe through the eyes of mathematical philosophy. From where I'm standing (or sitting and reading this), this is a discussion on the existence of God (that's Allah to you, if you are a Muslim). Regardless of what we do we, where we are and what we see - faith is always there with us.

4 and Pi is always the same everywhere and it is there even if we did not discover it or even more, look for it. so is God. the only difference is in how we look at it, only the concept being constant across different understandings. For atheists, the inner workings of science and maths is the act of God. the probabilities, multiple variables, and the one in a billion chances.

Concepts such as luck, fluke and coincidences: that is proof He exists. despite being dismissed as a mathematical chance. but how do numbers exists? how and why do we perceive numbers? there are differences of faith because that what is because human is all about. That is what sets up apart: capable of sentient thought and being totally random:

"You can have 3 geths argue in the same room and you get 3 different opinions. You put 3 humans in a room and you get 6 different opinions. Or more."
- Geth, Mass Effect 2

It is our strength. Sadly, that could also lead to our downfall.

Korean Cyberathletes

"To win a championship, you must have APM (actions per minute) between 200 and 300". That is fast. the normal person could probably do 60. I could hardly do 40 (an estimate, did really measured the thing).

And, "you can be fast, but not too fast". WTH, 200+ APM isnt fast enough? and you say not too fast? I'd replace my hands with a spasmic spider and still wouldn't go that fast. Its mind-boggling.

unproductive counterproductive

I am quite bogged by work and everything lately. I have my holding-everything-off until-they-dangle-precariously-at-the-edge attitude to thank for. there's the postgrad proposal due this monday, some holiday-trip planning (which loses direction, but i'll fix that soon) and of course, marking those DREADED exam papers. One of the teachers here said: "If they had to answer one paper, we had to answer, like, [one paper times number of students times number of classes]. yeah, those white-haired dudes weren't kidding when they say being a teacher is a whole lot of shitstorm going on all the time.

This afternoon, during lunch, the principal reminded me to prepare a paperwork on next year's six months English intensive programme. By next week. You see, there's thing between me and paperwork. We never get along. Like my blog here. I noticed my posts have become shorter every time compared to when first got into this blogging thing. Even this blog lacks direction! Posts are random, hardly inspiring and whiny at best! I do have a plan though: to blog about independent games and how I explore their value.

I just woke up from an early sleep (8pm, earliest ever!). And now i find hard to focus on whatever work I have to do.

Over these past few months, I've come to realize that I am all that I don't wish to be: I am vain, materialistic, arrogant and ignorant. But for once, let me live the dream. I'm no saint.


p/s: If the trip does not go as planned, we might have to do it the real backpacking adventure way.

I have learned:

That you can have faith but you can never be too hopeful.
No matter how promising something may be, always keep at least a few toes on the ground.
Beating around the bush is bad for you.
You will never see it coming until its right there staring at you.
Always know that you have everything to be thankful for.



If forgetting these lessons don't kill you, it would definitely tear you apart.

p/s: a bit emo tonight. I need motivation. I am pathetic.