maintenance underway

im gonna take some time to update the blog's layout. the size of pics are quite limited, even when set to large. when i tried manually modded its pixel count in the design html, image quality and sharpness was compromised despite being its actual pixel count.

i guess its time to iron out the blog's design for once.

measure of a man

From the way i see it, the measure of a man is based on these things: how much money he makes annually, his car(s) and his connections with important and famous people.

If this is the case, i can guess where i stand on the scale. If there is such scale. An obvious indicator would be the way how people extend their hand to you and how they greet you (or if they didn't).

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look at you

truthfully, i should never freak out whenever i look at myself in the mirror. i am bloody handsome, mind you (i like to think i am). thing is, the longer i look the more creepy it gets. I start to see beyond the blemishes, the fatness and such. I see all the things i did wrong and i did not correct. I imagine how my face would look like when i have wronged others. I see how my lack of exercise and unhealthy lifestyle has led to how i look today. I see...

...you can see how a piece of reflective surface can cause so much obsession and insecurities.
I have to start losing a few pounds.



on a side note, did you getting hit by grenades in COD: Black Ops can really hurt you? I mean, not by its explostions but by being directly smacked by a thrown grenade. Did you? I didn't.

See what I mean, here

(The Escapist Magazine is the only online news bulletin I frequent. Its pathetic, I know. World news just keeps getting depressing every day.)

rabies

This is a serious concern. Played with a pubescent cat at cousin's house. Suddenly, it got agitated and bit me twice. I mean like REALLY biting me. 2 hours later, there was quite a racket behind the furniture. The cat was having seizures and it peed all over the place.

Rabies? The kitty recovered 30 mins later. But whats going to happen to me? Based on previous cases, diseases carried by animals double their potency as they jump species (i.e. bird flu). I am genuinely worried.

Im seeing the doctor asap.

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hanna the haggler

On November 25th, witnessed Hanzie in a negotiation between her and a stallkeeper in Batu Feringghi. I was about to check out a stall when I saw her. The stall was selling table lanterns, the pretty very asian ones. She was ruthless and adamant. Stood her ground trying bargain the price to the lowest possible (as always, we try to get the best items at the lowest price imaginable.

Just like our Hanzie, the salesperson was pretty stiff too. By stiff, i mean, sticking to her "final offer". Thus, i am proud to say that the success of the purchase can be attributed not just to her ruthless bargaining ethic but also with the help of her accomplices. That would be me, taza, elvie and serra (i kinda like the idea of the mutual benefit we gained. I dont have to do anything but watch). We came into the scene as potential buyers, in hopes of success in Hanzie's negotiation thus getting a joint discount benefit.

The salesgirl finally gave in to her "awesome" bargaining skillz and we all walk away happy with our purchases. She managed to get away with almost half off of the original price - the stuff didn't actually cost that much in the first place. They were selling it with "tourist" prices.

Later, she explained it was only a matter of what you know. Or what she knew: the Chinese had this belief that you should refuse the first and last customer of the day. They bring you "ong" (Chinese term for fortune or luck, i dunno).

One more thing I've learned: Hanzie is an exploiter. In a practical way, though. The photo above is her looking smug (muka puas) right after the transaction.

In a related, Penang is a great place for a vacation, especially Georgetown. However, it is a very tourist-oriented location that prices are a tad bit costly for the average student budget. But there are still places where you can get things a lot cheaper, im sure.

I had a great convo-vacation and will write more about it later. Until then, that's all for now.

I wonder where's my next vacation gonna be? Will i be able to have enough to afford it? Will I have the time?

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anthony burgess and malaya

I've just read Yasmin Ahmad's film. It is mentioned that Anthony Burgess wrote a book called the Malayan Trilogy. Really? He, THE writer of A Clockwork Orange? That IS a surprise. In his book, he stated that he is not proud of it despite it being his most famous publishing.

I love Clockwork. It dwells on what it means to be human. Good and evil is a choice. Depriving one that choice, depending on how you look at it, is rather inhumane - regardless of intention. However, that is no reason to stop convincing people to choose good over the other. Persuasion rather than forcing an ideal is in order, fortunately.

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train ride

On a train bound for Penang. I'm sitting next to the window. As I watch the change of scene outside, I can think of one thing: cue soundtrack - Gypsy MC.

"Fame is nothing more than loving someone,
Fortune is nothing more than loving what you do"

now, would be a good time to reflect everything that has happened these past few months. Or read a book. Or get some sleep. Or whatever.

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indecent exposure?

yep, another random post. hmm...went into a restroom/locker room in sutera just now. saw some old dude walking around in his birthday suit. that was probably things that would definitely go into my "must-not-see-ever" list. I bet these guys aren't from around here. there goes cultural sensitivity.

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i take my liberties whenever i can

God Rests in Reason

yeah, the title was a direct rip-off from a Mraz song. but here's a story i found from Disenchanted.com via Mightyinteresting.com:

“I had a vision this morning” the boy said to his father, “while throwing stones into a pond and watching the ripples. I saw another little boy on the furthest end of the Universe, on a planet so far away that if you’d shone a light in its direction on the second the Big Bang happened, the light still wouldn’t have reached it by now. And he was throwing stones into a pond just like me, and the circles were exactly the same.”

“They’re the same everywhere,” his father replied.

“So how do they know to be? Where did they learn their shape from?”

“Do you know what Pi is?”

“Yeah, we learned it in school last month.”

“Well Pi doesn’t have to be told what it is, just like 4 doesn’t need to be told it’s the sum of 2 + 2. And as long as Pi is what it is, every circle is the same everywhere.”

“But where do Pi and 4 come from?”

“They don’t come from anywhere, we just discover them whenever something happens. Numbers were always there, even if we never bothered to look for them, even if nobody ever drew a circle, or nobody ever threw a stone into a pond.”

Its the universe through the eyes of mathematical philosophy. From where I'm standing (or sitting and reading this), this is a discussion on the existence of God (that's Allah to you, if you are a Muslim). Regardless of what we do we, where we are and what we see - faith is always there with us.

4 and Pi is always the same everywhere and it is there even if we did not discover it or even more, look for it. so is God. the only difference is in how we look at it, only the concept being constant across different understandings. For atheists, the inner workings of science and maths is the act of God. the probabilities, multiple variables, and the one in a billion chances.

Concepts such as luck, fluke and coincidences: that is proof He exists. despite being dismissed as a mathematical chance. but how do numbers exists? how and why do we perceive numbers? there are differences of faith because that what is because human is all about. That is what sets up apart: capable of sentient thought and being totally random:

"You can have 3 geths argue in the same room and you get 3 different opinions. You put 3 humans in a room and you get 6 different opinions. Or more."
- Geth, Mass Effect 2

It is our strength. Sadly, that could also lead to our downfall.

Korean Cyberathletes

"To win a championship, you must have APM (actions per minute) between 200 and 300". That is fast. the normal person could probably do 60. I could hardly do 40 (an estimate, did really measured the thing).

And, "you can be fast, but not too fast". WTH, 200+ APM isnt fast enough? and you say not too fast? I'd replace my hands with a spasmic spider and still wouldn't go that fast. Its mind-boggling.

unproductive counterproductive

I am quite bogged by work and everything lately. I have my holding-everything-off until-they-dangle-precariously-at-the-edge attitude to thank for. there's the postgrad proposal due this monday, some holiday-trip planning (which loses direction, but i'll fix that soon) and of course, marking those DREADED exam papers. One of the teachers here said: "If they had to answer one paper, we had to answer, like, [one paper times number of students times number of classes]. yeah, those white-haired dudes weren't kidding when they say being a teacher is a whole lot of shitstorm going on all the time.

This afternoon, during lunch, the principal reminded me to prepare a paperwork on next year's six months English intensive programme. By next week. You see, there's thing between me and paperwork. We never get along. Like my blog here. I noticed my posts have become shorter every time compared to when first got into this blogging thing. Even this blog lacks direction! Posts are random, hardly inspiring and whiny at best! I do have a plan though: to blog about independent games and how I explore their value.

I just woke up from an early sleep (8pm, earliest ever!). And now i find hard to focus on whatever work I have to do.

Over these past few months, I've come to realize that I am all that I don't wish to be: I am vain, materialistic, arrogant and ignorant. But for once, let me live the dream. I'm no saint.


p/s: If the trip does not go as planned, we might have to do it the real backpacking adventure way.

I have learned:

That you can have faith but you can never be too hopeful.
No matter how promising something may be, always keep at least a few toes on the ground.
Beating around the bush is bad for you.
You will never see it coming until its right there staring at you.
Always know that you have everything to be thankful for.



If forgetting these lessons don't kill you, it would definitely tear you apart.

p/s: a bit emo tonight. I need motivation. I am pathetic.

xperia x10 gets an update

a phone with powerful hardware but paired with somewhat lacking software. SE recently announced they're releasing an update: upgrading the buggy 1.6 android to vers. 2.1.

read here

i hope it fixes whatever problems the phone is having at the moment. I'm looking forward to that because I'm thinking of getting one someday. And please do not suggest me the iPhone. It is SO mainstream. everybody wants an iPhone. Its such a waste for a sexy device like this to not get the recognition it deserves. Hold that thought: recognition will make it mainstream. better not.

Mood: ^__^

Celebrated mom's belated birthday this week. Treated her to dinner at Secret Recipe (along with dad, my little brother and sister) and let her order whatever she wanted. There was slices of cake, some pastry with chicken and such. It does cost a lot but not really a dent in the bank. I've spent way more money on ridiculous stuff. Take my Razer Lachesis, for example. 9 out of 10 of the people I've shown it to tell me I'm ridiculous because I could get a slightly better one for 3/4 the price. Hey, it was sleek and sexy! (Doy! I am vain).


The next day I spent outing with some of the people I miss the most. We did a lot of catching up. Stories were shared. Jokes were told. Gossips were...uh....gossiped. Debts were settled. Feelings reaffirmed - well, not really really reaffirmed but i felt somewhat fulfilled and some unspoken promises were made and shown. Well, it felt like there a lot of promise. Love can't be rushed.

All in all. I felt really good tonight. I can really feel the difference made by my improving mood. I am totally psyched up. I think I've just found the kind of morale support I needed all along to get through the difficult days ahead. I just need to pray that I won't lose it.


I think I'm ready to go back to work this Monday.

p/s: that Xperia X10 looks really sleek and sexy! Since i'm not going to get an iPhone4 (it is SO mainstream), it'll be in my wishlist this end of the year.

p/p/s: Oh yeah. This is Jason Mraz's cover of Carlos Olmeda's Dear Anna. The lyrics' kinda cheesy but i think it was well-written. Dig.

supporting your favorite industry

Being alive is one big hypocrisy by itself. Some of the things we do to ourselves; our way of life, how our "needs" ravages the world around and etc etc, justifies that we're better off dead. However, i'm not going to talk about some confusing, over-complicated existentialism crap (because I often confuse myself. Often.)

I'd like to rant about our hypocrisy as consumers (don't worry, this includes me). Often I came upon people who claim to be big fans of some music band. They wear their t-shirts, have their mp3s on the portable players, dress like them, always talking about how awesome the band is and simply being hardcore fans. the problem? try asking them if they ever bought an album. an original album. I always use this fact as my favourite counterpoint whenever someone compares and questions my preference for music.

"So, you're a die hard _____ fan, huh? When was the last time you bought their album?". Snap!

I always tried buying originals whenever it is convenient. I got myself legit CDs back when I was a fan of Mariah Carey (embarassing confession!) but now she sucks hard, and im not just talking about her music. When I got into Silverchair, I bought a cassette. Living in Shah Alam, I had access to original PC games which cost me an arm and leg (a full-blown gaming PC cost me my soul).

Its sad and funny how we often steal from the people we love to see grow into something awesome. I guess this could possibly be the reason why local artists are very desperate in the first place.

In a related topic, I recently made my own Paypal account. Its amazing how convenient this thing is. I don't have fill in my CC details (no., billing address, mother's name, name on card, security number, online pin, etc etc) for every purchase. all i have to do is login into my account and your purchase detail is automatically filled in - total price in foreign currency and MYR. I dont even have to reveal my credit card information.

Being a gamer does not necessarily means you have to break the bank to enjoy games. I'm showing my support for the indie games (they are the pc gaming equivalent of indie music) industry. You have garage bands, we have bedroom coders. Its a great way to enjoy gaming without the need to own bank-busting PCs (im playing on a recently outdated laptop). Plus, they're really cheap!!

VVVVVV (or theletterVsixtimes)

On paper, the premise of this game is TOTALLY BORING: You flip your character up and down in order to avoid obstacles. In the hands of untalented designers, it is. That's not the case with Terry Cavanaugh. He made it very exhilirating. Flawless execution of moves is the greatest satisfaction in Cavanaugh's world. Here is the promo from Youtube:




I'm against advertising stuff in my post but i felt guilty for downloading this awesome piece via torrent. Its available via http://thelettervsixtim.es/ and Steam for the price of USD 4.99 (MYR 16.29). If you're (a nerd like me, or appreciate music in general) into 8-bit chiptunes be sure to check http://www.souleye.se/ for the full soundtrack (bought the full album for 4 bucks, best deal ever. the techno/electronica beat is awesome).

pro-tip: after you bought the album, let Souleye know by email that you saw his post in a thread from ThePiratebay. He'll acknowledge that by giving you a download to one of his exclusive unreleased mp3. Hell, you dont even have to buy his album for that.


Minecraft

Remember Farmville (or any one of those Facebook crap)? Remember how you spent hours slaving away trying to reach the next level so you unlock higher tier items? How spending hours, days, weeks and getting rewarded by some useless decorative ornament? Those days are totally over. Minecraft lets you do everything in real time and its nowhere close to those facebook crap you've been playing.

Its THE real sandbox game. its like a big ass virtual LEGO box. you don't wait for items to be accessible and you don't have to earn virtual money. you work your ass for that and there's a whole lot fun in that. even single equipment is manufactured. You can dig underground as far as you want. I had fun making a stone cottage on top and an elaborate labyrinth beneath. you can try fabricating almost everything imaginable. this video below shows how someone made a rollercoaster using the tools given:




Available from Minecraft.net for €9.95 EUR (MYR 44.15, totally bought it. you know me.). If that costs too much, you can play it for FREE in you web browser. There's multiplayer too!. Its still in alpha stage but for paying gamers, always know that you will always get updates for no extra charge.

warning: It is G-DAMN addictive. take my word for it.


hmm....this post has turned into an ad. and don't get paid for it. Let just say this is how I show my support for my favourite industry.


p/s: Its getting late and I have work tomorrow. See ya.

Kek

Cerita ini berdasarkan keterangan seorang saksi yang berada di tempat kejadian.


Setting: Dalam pejabat. Tengahari.


Cikgu A: "Puan. Suka. Makan. Kek apa?" *dengan gaya ala cheerleader*

PK HEM: "STRAWBERRY! STRAWBERRY!" *sambil menari*



keesokan harinya, Puan membelanja guru-guru di kantin makan kek yg ditempah khas (bukan kek strawberi seperti yg diharapkan).

hahahahaha! WTH man!

Who I am Today

For every acquaintance made, parted with, they gave me a small piece to add to myself. And to swap the pieces i need to let go. This is dedicated to those people.

I thank the boys who kicked my a-s when I was 17
I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean
I thank the bullies for body slams and accidents and then some
They shaped my life; they made me like who I've become

I thank the girls who gave a hand and showed me how to dance
I thank the ones who passed who never gave a second glance
I learned that it's okay for some to go and some to stay
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today

thank the captains of the boats who brave the sea
I thank the farmers for the sowing of the seeds
I thank the men who paved the roads I'm travelling on
They shaped my life, they took me down the path I've gone

I thank the volunteers for giving up their time for free
I thank the engineers; all those who keep our water clean
I thank the janitors for all their years behind the scenes
They shaped my life they taught me generosity
They shaped my life they let me see who I could be

Thank the boys who kicked my a-s when I was 17
I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean
I thank the bullies for all the names they called along the way
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today

You shape my life. You make me love who I am today.


-Jason Mraz, Who I am Today


Life is Good.

next up: unicorns!

My entire love life is like a cross between chasing rainbows and shooting for the stars (while hardly landing on any moon). Faced with so many awkward and "oh-shit-this-burns" moments, one might ask why would anyone put themselves through all that again?

I admit it is exciting every time and I do not compare one experience with another. Each one is great in its own right. Another reason is that I am just plain stubborn ("tubal" some people call it).

Best of all, I'd do it all over again just for the sake of keeping dreams alive. Its something like optimism or just having something to look forward to.

p/s: probably the cheesiest post ever. like XXtra Cheese on the Crust cheesy. No shit.

(unauthorized image from Google Images)

quick update

got a lot of ideas on what to write lately but unable to realize them due to the lack of willpower and just being plain complacent. I probably wanted to say i had a very "ideal" day last week. It was a wednesday.

Came to work. Sat down and did some paperwork. Went to class, lesson went particularly smooth (not that it was successful, though). Right after that, went to join with the other teachers at the cafeteria. Updated on recent events and gossips along with some drinks and morsels. went back to the staff room. continued writing LP for the next 4 days. Watched and laughed at the other wackier teachers while waiting for the final bell to ring. Punched out. went home with the boys. got online for an hour and took an afternoon nap afterwards. Took a bicycle ride for at least 7km.

It felt perfect. I wish everyday felt that way.

So, that aside, here is the latest to do list:

1. Read at least 2 articles per week. Dr. Ros been breathing down our necks for this 30 Sept deadline.
2. Save money for a netbook. I totally need it.
3.Save money for graduation-vacation. can't wait can't wait can't wait.
4. Buy a smartphone (NO HUZEN NO! *slap*)
5. Settle outstanding credit card debt.
6. Pay Dad.
7. Give younger sister some money (hmm..., DENIED! HAHA!)
8. Wash socks. Seriously. Wash socks.

So, I'd better get on with my proposal. Then, procrastinate some more. Maybe not.