Killer Instinct

Its just murder.

K-Orange Box

Everyone loves karaoke.

Karaoke mode on
map: 2fort 2furious
song: my heart will go on.

Sunday Afternoon

Sundays. I love sundays. I resent them too. Being the last few moments I had to do things I want and I love, and the next to be thrown into life's unrelenting challenges. Its hard to enjoy myself without having to think about those things.

I find this afternoon very ideal. I'm here sitting in front of my desk, behind the screen. Staring emptily into the bright sunlight every few minutes. Look at the beautiful blue and white sunny sky. I think I was just momentarily blinded, by the light.


Complains? I wish the good people here would improve their toilet accuracy, for both liquid and solids.

Other than that, I'm pretty much grateful for everything.
What are you grateful for today?

reflection

yeah.

i was thinking of writing about my school experience but I already have a reflective journal (no, they don't come with reflective surface.) courtesy of the good people from the faculty of education.


I wish I was a cat. I'd sleep 15 hours a day. People will admire me if I had beautiful fur. I'd roll over and spread myself on the floor to get some attention. And I can play with my food before I eat them.

The Dreamlife Of Rand Mcnally

Two dudes who really love what they do.



Catchy? Try the Ootmarsum Garden Party performance of the song here

Mind your step please. Please ah.

Its a lesson I've learned so many many times before. Yet, it still happens. damn!

I walked into my first class of the day they were all nice and quite so, with a posture like no other, said:

"OKAY STUDENTS! Before we start, I'd like you clear your table and...."

Then, all of them looked at me. I was like "wah so good. i got their attention and stuff...". one of them raised her hand and said:

"Eh, cikgu..."

"Yes?"

"(half-whispering) kami ujian ni sekarang..."





















SETAAAAAAAANNNNNNNn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ujian Setara 2 rupanya. That was very rude of me. Malu nak MAMPOS! Kalau mau, lama sudah aku bergolek-golek di lantai kerana ingin menahan malu tahap blackbelt. Excited punya pasal.

Pengajaran di sini?

"Lain kali tengok jadual betul-betul. Orang putih cakap: read instructions carefully."

Lets take a moment to...

In a few days,
I'll be entering a place where the expectations are high
A place where slobs like me feel so out of place.
A place where I will be tested,
intimidated,
challenged,
pushed,
and
drained.

I'll be the Iceman,
the assertive,
the efficient,
the smiling,
the hardworking
and
the obliging.

The five years spent
bottles up
like a bubbling champagne
waiting to pop
the cork
into the unsuspecting eye.

This is going to be that
EPIC moment
when we will
make or break,
rise and fall.

The nerves? Its there.
Excited? Its only a step forward into the future.
More than excited,
I'm anticipating...

...and stuff right?.


"Remember that fame is nothing but loving someone, and fortune is nothing more than loving what you do".

- Gypsy MC, Mraz.

Teh millionth word

The English Language has finally declared its one millionth word. "Web 2.0" has received the One Millionth Word honour, beating "Jai Ho", "slumdog" and "noob" off the top spot.. It is also my pleasure to announce that "noob" has finally been accepted as an English word. Look for it in a latest edition dictionary near you.

picture taken from here

"Austin, Texas June 10, 2009 – The Global Language Monitor today announced that Web 2.0 has bested Jai Ho, N00b and Slumdog as the 1,000,000^th English word or phrase. added to the codex of fourteen hundred-year-old language. Web 2.0 is a technical term meaning the next generation of World Wide Web products and services. It has crossed from technical jargon into far wider circulation in the last six months. Two terms from India, Jai Ho! and slumdog finished No. 2 and 4. Jai Ho! Is a Hindi exclamation signifying victory or accomplishment; Slumdog is an impolite term for children living in the slums. Just missing the top spot was n00b, a mixture of letters and numbers that is a derisive term for newcomer. It is also the only mainstream English word that contains within itself two numerals. Just missing the final five cut-off, was another technical term, cloud computing, meaning services that are delivered via the cloud. At its current rate, English generates about 14.7 words a day or one every 98 minutes."

extract taken from here.

In a related news, "Twitter" did not made Millionth Word race because it was already an English word, in relation to "tweet".

Damn. We sure complain a lot. Like, a LOT.


The government should avoid feeling proud from spending millions/billions for the people's benefit and we should not kiss their hands for it. It is our right to get what we are supposed to get and it is their duty to serve the people, regardless of which party rules the establishment.

Teachers are government servant. If a client keeps coming back to seek our services, we should never turn them down. It is our duty to serve.

Looters

Being the early ones back at the boarding quarters here in IPGaya has its perks. You get scavenge vacant rooms for stuff. You'll never what you could find. I found some shoes, a USB fan, a mice, dry food and even a TV! ITs a prosperous country we're living in.


I also found this next door to my room.

Its for keeps. LOL. I mean, WTH?

Rugi

Mereka yang rugi adalah mereka yang tidak pernah sedar dengan keuntungan yang diperoleh dan dimiliki sepanjang hidup mereka.

News @ TV3

WAIT. Don't exterminate the pigs. That doesnt sound like a good idea.

If they do, prices for poultry will rocket skyhigh. And that aint good. You dont want that. Imagine KFC snack plate at RM15-18 per serving.

Imagine more.

health related paranoia

H1N1 is all over the news. Like, everyday. Schools in Klang are closed. There's an increase in local transmission cases. Times like this, you just can't take chances.

I have been coughing for more than a month now. Even before I left Shah Alam. Worried, I went for a check-up. Well, two check-ups, exactly. the first doctor told me it was allergy I opted for an antibiotic shot. Problem not solved. The second doctor revealed that my tonsil was riddled with scars from previous infections and was surprised to why I haven't been operated to remove the dangling lump of skin. The truth, that wasn't the problem. The cough was caused by something inside the nasal cavity. Whew. That's reassuring.

Fears aside, the ministry is planning their move in this English campaign thing. More hours dedicated to the subject (extended teaching hours to teachers, something like that) and considerations to hire foreign teachers. Can this be good? We'll just have to wait and see.

Also, MJ has recently passed away. Frankly, he's hugely misunderstood. Poor dude.

Almost

While I was standing outside my late grandfather's house. Didn't see it coming and it almost had me. Like, really really close to sticking it into me. My dad came to neutralize the situations. He said that this was larger than what he often saw in the area.

Might seem cruel, because he renders it uncapable of performing survival tasks, my dad deems it necessary.

Down range

An improvised target. Air rifle, using .177 (4.5 mm) pellets. rifle not mine. Single pump action (chamber single pellet, pump for optimum pressure, lock, aim and fire. Entire action will take less than 20 secs if you're good enough.

Shots like these doesn't mean you suck. It just means you're consistent and accurate, if not precise. Everytime you load and pump, you leave your sights and then you just had to realign your eye to the iron sights. Those sights needs some tweaking.

Here's me attempting to do a Nut'n'fancy review, and i sucked. Nut'n'fancy did some excellent civilian tactical firearm reviews. Visit (and subscribe) his youtube channel here





Generation Kill is showing on Cinemax. I'm gonna wait for the full DVD set by the end of the season.

an update

Been offline for a few weeks there. Figure I was busy this holiday. So much for my holiday plans. A lot has been going on ever since I arrived home. I barely forgot what I wanted to do on my holiday. At least, before I go for my practicum this July.

Let's see. I'm caught with my home "duties" (chores, but I prefer to call that way). Had to eliminate weaver ants colonies (a post on that later).Working my late grandfather's house, got a close call with a scorpion (also later with that). Weddings. Family issues, some of my relatives are idiots and I'm not kidding about that one. And a bigger issue, imagine finding out one of your close relatives have been arrested because he was suspected to be the ringleader of an illegal syndicate (they're all illegal, right?) for, let's say, grand motorcycle theft. And I'm just saying. Plus, i'm seriously low on money and I can't get a job because I havent and didnt look for any.

The more reason to just keep myself locked in my room.

Here's a video of a wedding of a relative whom I've never met my entire life (surprising he knew me). Its like going to a cultural dance show. It reminds me that I belong to an ethnic group. Honestly, I thought I don't belong to any. I started to think that I'm ethnicless....I'd love that.




Btw, the theme colour of night was Blue. Even the colour of drinks was blue.

Brick wall

It is an entry I'd find best written in pen and paper - a habit long forgotten - rather than being lost among the insignificant masses of codes in the digital medium.

"Brick walls are there to stop you. Brick walls are there to stop other people. Brick walls are there to stop people who are not sure of what they want. Brick walls are there to stop those who don't want it badly enough"

- Randy Pausch

Often in our adventures through life we came upon these brick walls. These walls can be made of paper, or bricks, most of the time. We scale. We smash, if we're strong and reckless enough. We stayed, put some colours on them, draw something, then walk away. Or we simply leave and find another way around.

As life progresses, we became more adept in dealing with these walls. Like I did in my academic life. However, some walls will always stop you dead in tracks. Regardless of how many times you've been through the same it will always catch you unprepared and no matter how prepared you are it will always get around you. But smashing them is not always the case. They are there for a reason.

Not long ago, I came upon one of the most formidable brick wall I've yet to come across in my life. The formidable wall was around five feet, five inches tall, very special and absolutely beautiful. The brick wall did good stopping me in my tracks. But, as I came upon it, it reduced me to rubble, made me reevaluate my entire life and led me, in a helpless fit, searching for guidance on how to scale it. Again I was feeling like a little boy. I was lost in my own thoughts. Lost in all the questions I was asking myself. It felt like everything was reset. All of a sudden, I don't know what it was all over again. What am I supposed to do?

I admit I was scared. Not scared of what had happened. Not of what will happen but, rather, I was scared because I did not know what to do. Fear is actually not knowing what to do once something happens. It is the unknown that gets to you. Again, the wall was about five feet five inches tall, exceptionally unique and absolutely beautiful. As it progresses, I began to think (I'm not really a big fan of thinking), thinking of a lot of things. I began thinking what my life would be in five years time. I began thinking about the things I haven't done. I began thinking about what I have been doing all my life. I thought about how and where I am now are going lead me in the course 5 years. What was I really looking for? A long list of the things I should be doing flashed right in front of me.

It was a short period of time which proved to be overwhelming. Although sad, I'm glad it went down in a good way. I finally realized what this was all about. It was not mostly about fear of events repeating themselves. It was mostly about regrets. Not regrets for the things I did. It was regret of the things I never did. Turns out I have one big regret: being inarticulate. I spoke in fragments. I hate myself for being inarticulate right up to the big moment when I really to say things. I might have said the things I wished to say, or not, but I bet it wouldn't go out the way how I wanted to say them. Why couldn't I communicate when I depended on it the most?


I know I might have caused trouble. I did what I thought I had to do. If you had found something you have been looking for but you had never thought possible, would you let it slip away? I couldn't. I saw something I had never thought possible in a person. A paradox. A human paradox. You cannot afford to be scared. You have to muster every ounce of courage out of your pathetic self so would never have to wonder what could have been.

The wall taught me a lot of things (not directly, mostly, but just knowing the wall). Like, the things I could do a lot of things only if I am willing to learn. Seriously, I never thought of picking up a music instrument. I feel bolder. Bold to do things I wouldn't normally do. Its one of those rare moments when I thought about something and decided to go through all the way. Above all, I learned that the room only stays dark if you keep the light from coming in.

....everything I say seems redundant. I'm lost for words. I keep talking about myself. How selfish.

Sad? Yes. It saddens me greatly

Hurt? Yes. One way or another, it cannot be avoided. I knew the risks and what is coming to me. I took it. I knew the risks from the very beginning.

Upset? No. For it was a great episode that made life seem interesting.

Are we friends?. I don't think I could because I am already in too deep. Honestly, I never approached you as one. And I don't think I could. Maybe for now.

I apologize for the mess I made and for other wrongs I did.

I still have a lot to say. Even the things I don't have to.


"If you were me, I am like you". I understood. I pray that it will work out for you, even it is ironic and very contradictory.

I'm being redundant again. Its time to let the heart call it a day.


...honestly, I never counted them. I just picked them out.

mat saleh

Talk about christian missionaries, I remember a joke my dad told me. He said it was based on a real life event in the past.

He and a friend was in a crowded lift in some hotel. On the 5th floor, the lift stopped and a big foreigner (Western, of course) with a luggage bag made his way into the lift. At the same time, an annoyed patron blurted out, casually:

"Babi betul la omputeh ni".

He didn't say it out loud but people can still hear him - thinking that the foreigner would not have the slightest idea. When they reached ground floor, suddenly they heard someone say:

"Tepi tepi babi nak lalu."

Turns out it was the foreigner who said that. How embarrassing.

Dig this. very catchy.

Fear is a friend misunderstood. Life is good.

If you could be arrogant, optimistic and miserable all at the same time, then you just broke a record there my friend.

I think I might.

good news bad news screw this

Got word from our good ol' trusty Cohort 3 insider, Aimi, regarding details of our upcoming practicum. Word has it that I will be teaching in SM Convent St. Francis KK. Which is good news. First, it happens to be very close to IPGaya. I could walk there or get myself a bicycle and a raincoat, just in case. I probably don't have to borrow my mom's car, saves me a lot of trouble. Second, I could apply for the hostel in IPG. So, I have a place to stay. For RM 90 a month. Third, its an ALL-GIRL school. Yay!.....im not sure if this is good news or bad news. We'll see how this turns out. And my designated partner is of course Mdm. Khairiah Tadin - meaning that I can't fool around next semester with a big sister watching over me *sigh*. But that's a +1 in the team factor. YAY!!!

However, based on the approved calendar, our pre-practicum will start on 6th July and practicum commences on the 13th - a month later than the guys at Shah Alam will be going. So, lessee, I have another month to spare. Gosh, I think I should start working. Y'know, for money. Getting paid to do something. I've been giving people tech support for free all this time because I think I don't have the necessary qualifications and because of the average 60 percent success rate of my services. I'll think of something. Or I'll put my semi-awesome language skills to good use. Probably.

On a side note, I think I'm trouble. Not really the deep shit kinda stuff. We should avoid getting into trouble, but then again, you'd ask "why not?". I should start listening to people more - given that I'm a bad listener. A stubborn lil' prick I am. So, I think I'm gonna laugh this one off my mind. It was on basis of spontaneity. I should celebrate for being so free-spirited. WTH.



Internet connection is acting like biscuits and is it me? Or this house is turning into a sauna?

I hate sweating in bed. It leaves those organic salt residue on your pillows and bedsheet., like the one you get when you salivate profusely in your sleep. I'm a malaysian but I never got used to the warm all-year long summer climate.

"My entire life seems to have been dedicated to searching for the ultimate simplicity. So far, all I have is this kind of elegant messiness. I have a deep feeling that the overall picture would not be as beautiful as it seems. So....WTH."
- Zen, 2008

Old times

Insatiable by Darren Hayes.

For old times sake, I've uploaded the song on the sidebar. It reminds me a lot of being in school. Used to sing this when we took our baths around the water tank behind the school hall. If I'm not mistaken, Avril had her famous debut with Skaterboy at that time.

It was pathetic trying to sing this because I was an octave short but I sang anyway. Hey, it was "bath time". You just had to sing.

video log

Me and the guys when there's not much to do in the middle of the night.

(This is a test video.)

BERFOYA-FOYAAAA!!!! WOOT-WOOT!!!!!1111

(Asenmen Asian Literature berjaya disiapkan)

p/s: gotta check my bank first. Haish!

p/s/s: Kena set tajuk AE baru. Proposal baru la nampaknya. demmit!

Its amazing how small differences between body temperature and environment temperature can affect one's overall health. And the discomfort it causes - the coughing, the flu, the fever or just the headache - can be very disorienting and demoralizing.

Yet, its even amazing how the consistent intake of fluids can be an effective remedy (if not instant acting) to some ailments.

Maybe its the season.

A day out: I'm a geek

First off, girls wouldn't probably be interested with the things I am about to type about. but you're still welcome to read. If you don't belong in the stereotype, I'd applause you for your open-mindedness (WTH am I saying?)

Went to the big city for a breather recently. Looked for some shoes and did some window shopping. Mostly on things I could not afford. It turns out that I'm still blown away at how much some high-end product costs. For example, take a look at this humble looking keyboard with the simplistic design:

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Steelseries 7G. Gaming keyboard.

Looks pretty much like your run-of-the-mill keyboard right? Guess what: this keyboard is going to set you back around RM 700. I can't believe it myself. The spec boasts 18 K GOLD(!)-plated connectors, for quick response input, no-click mechanical keys, 50 million keystrokes lifetime and "anti-ghosting" - which means you can press as many keys available on the board simultaneously (conventional keyboards only allow 4-6 keys). I know that regular people, like you...or me, find that RM 700 does not make any effing sense whatsoever but there are enthusiasts willing to get these shiznits. People will never guess the price of the things and they would rather not touch it if they do.

Steelseries Ikari 4G mouse

This little mice here is another one of those gadgets with a mind-blowing price. Any mice boasting 4Gs means that they are capable of operating up to 4000 dpi (worth of sensitivity). How fast is that? Imagine: that regular mice you bought for below RM 50 (or the mice used in the INTEC library) is operating around 800 (1200 at most) dpi. Not recommended for those who use their PC's and laptops for performing regular tasks. Y'know: facebooking, blogging and that casual Popcap/Reflexive Arcade/Playmore game you're playing. You'll have a hard time tracking your cursor. So, how much will it set you back? Around RM 400+.

Razer Megalodon

Another product in the Razer gaming-grade-for-the-connoiseur lineup. Comfortable design with SUPERHUGE earcups. You'll be wearing this thing for hours. Superb noice cancelling mic. The main highlight: its audio processing unit (that box-thing connected to its cord). It is a master volume control for front, side and back speakers - also controls bass levels, mic-sensitivity and other stuff. Sounds a mouthful isn't it? Did I mention that this headset boasts 7.1 audio? Its going to sound like there are 7 speakers surrounding your head. Positional audio. This one is going to set you back for RM 400+.

Even, if you're not a gamer (or geek), I'd recommend you get this one if you have the money. Good all-round audio (music and movies), not to mention supercomfortable. It won't squeeze your head and your ears would hardly sweat even after hours. But if it still looks geeky for you, try this one instead:

Grado GS1000

In case you didn't know, this (Grado's) is one the world's best in headphones. These things are handcrafted. Notice the drums are made of wood? It is. Its one the main features contributing to its holy audio quality. Its mahogany. The company have been making these things for 50 years. It may lack that fashionista look but you're looking at a world's best. So far, I haven't done much research on the company and its products. In addition, I have yet to see one of these things in local audio stores.


Thats all for now.

Fillers

Until I find something better to do or write, this video will do. O yea, some of the guys took us out for some game of pool in SS 15. Only empty times like these we could live the young life. We got back home around 4.30 a.m. Not much of a night life. Just an innocent night out.

So...until then.

Iron Stomach Challenge LIVES!!!!
the caption says: "Mayonnaise LOOKS kind of yogurt. That counts, right?"

Brick wall

It is an entry I'd find best written in pen and paper - a habit long forgotten - rather than being lost among the insignificant masses of codes in the digital medium.

"Brick walls are there to stop you. Brick walls are there to stop other people. Brick walls are there to stop people who are not sure of what they want. Brick walls are there to stop those who don't want it badly enough"

- Randy Pausch

Often in our adventures through life we came upon these brick walls. These walls can be made of paper, or bricks, most of the time. We scale. We smash, if we're strong and reckless enough. We stayed, put some colours on them, draw something, then walk away. Or we simply leave and find another way around.

As life progresses, we became more adept in dealing with these walls. Like I did in my academic life. However, some walls will always stop you dead in tracks. Regardless of how many times you've been through the same it will always catch you unprepared and no matter how prepared you are it will always get around you. But smashing them is not always the case. They are there for a reason.

Not long ago, I came upon one of the most formidable brick wall I've yet to come across in my life. The formidable wall was around five feet, five inches tall, very special and absolutely beautiful. The brick wall did good stopping me in my tracks. But, as I came upon it, it reduced me to rubble, made me reevaluate my entire life and led me, in a helpless fit, searching for guidance on how to scale it. Again I was feeling like a little boy. I was lost in my own thoughts. Lost in all the questions I was asking myself. It felt like everything was reset. All of a sudden, I don't know what it was all over again. What am I supposed to do?

I admit I was scared. Not scared of what had happened. Not of what will happen but, rather, I was scared because I did not know what to do. Fear is actually not knowing what to do once something happens. It is the unknown that gets to you. Again, the wall was about five feet five inches tall, exceptionally unique and absolutely beautiful. As it progresses, I began to think (I'm not really a big fan of thinking), thinking of a lot of things. I began thinking what my life would be in five years time. I began thinking about the things I haven't done. I began thinking about what I have been doing all my life. I thought about how and where I am now are going lead me in the course 5 years. What was I really looking for? A long list of the things I should be doing flashed right in front of me.

It was a short period of time which proved to be overwhelming. Although sad, I'm glad it went down in a good way. I finally realized what this was all about. It was not mostly about fear of events repeating themselves. It was mostly about regrets. Not regrets for the things I did. It was regret of the things I never did. Turns out I have one big regret: being inarticulate. I spoke in fragments. I hate myself for being inarticulate right up to the big moment when I really to say things. I might have said the things I wished to say, or not, but I bet it wouldn't go out the way how I wanted to say them. Why couldn't I communicate when I depended on it the most?


I know I might have caused trouble. I did what I thought I had to do. If you had found something you have been looking for but you had never thought possible, would you let it slip away? I couldn't. I saw something I had never thought possible in a person. A paradox. A human paradox. You cannot afford to be scared. You have to muster every ounce of courage out of your pathetic self so would never have to wonder what could have been.

The wall taught me a lot of things (not directly, mostly, but just knowing the wall). Like, the things I could do a lot of things only if I am willing to learn. Seriously, I never thought of picking up a music instrument. I feel bolder. Bold to do things I wouldn't normally do. Its one of those rare moments when I thought about something and decided to go through all the way. Above all, I learned that the room only stays dark if you keep the light from coming in.

....everything I say seems redundant. I'm lost for words. I keep talking about myself. How selfish.

Sad? Yes. It saddens me greatly

Hurt? Yes. One way or another, it cannot be avoided. I knew the risks and what is coming to me. I took it. I knew the risks from the very beginning.

Upset? No. For it was a great episode that made life seem interesting.

Are we friends?. I don't think I could because I am already in too deep. Honestly, I never approached you as one. And I don't think I could. Maybe for now.

I apologize for the mess I made and for other wrongs I did.

I still have a lot to say. Even the things I don't have to.


"If you were me, I am like you". I understood. I pray that it will work out for you, even it is ironic and very contradictory.

I'm being redundant again.


...honestly, I never counted them. I just picked them out.

an update

.........


























Ah. The exam.


*cue rock guitar solo ala Zero Punctuation*

Yes, I will whine about how ridiculous the exam was this afternoon. It was ridiculous because there were terms that we were not aware of and it costs us both 10 and 5 marks each. I understand that this is a uni paper, and we are supposed to learn on our own but that was totally unprecedented (and I'm not really sure what unprecedented means. I dont have a dictionary).

What I want to say is: for the first time in years, I felt very nervous about and exam. The last time was during the first day of PMR and the first day of SPM - the later papers, I didn't really cared much. Back to SLA. Is it because the paper is very difficult? Is it because I didn't know what to expect from it? I think its hugely because I had terrible assessment scores throughout the semester. Not to mention making a terrible impression on the lecturer: Being late, sleeping in class, submitting assignments, half-assed presentations and all.

To me, failing is not a big issue. Its still an issue but its doesnt really bother me much, its not like I rarely failed in my studies. My concern is to maintain a minimum 3.00 average. I need that minimum average for my future plans. Also, its not like parents didn't really care. They just don't yap about how badly I did for my grades. However, what bothers me is that look on their face. That disappointed look. And that tone. I had it coming to me when I got my first grade pointer:

"Just 2.8?" *berkata dengan selamba sambil mengambil selekoh ke kiri*

"Yeah. 2.8. But I passed all subjects" *desperately trying to justify my complacency*

"ok"

And I get it. I'll try to do better next, which I did. You can't imagine how much power your parents have over you. How do I justify myself this time? I have 3 potential fails in my pockets. How do I deal with that?

Pray that I will not fail those 3. If you're reading this, pray for me too. I'd be very grateful.

("ooh, suddenly Huzen cares about his grades. How surprising for something who is very apathetic and pessimistic about everything. Sarcastic applause".
F- you buddy!)

What we do

Out of nowhere, I remembered an argument I had with a friend not long ago. I was about to make a decision (which I am not at liberty to disclose, but its kinda important and decisive). This is as close as I can remember, the way our argument goes:

"Why? Can't you see? Listen to me: You're going to regret this if you don't"

"Then let me regret."

"Do you realize what're you doing?"

"Yes."

"Then why? Its a big mistake."

"I'm young. Mistakes. That's what I do."

"That's not an excuse"

"Its NOT an excuse. I make mistakes. Its what I want to do."

"What?! (Agitated)"

"C'mon. I'm young. I'm not getting younger. If what I do is going to end being miserable and sad, so be it. Let it. I don't have to listen to - no offense - you and your advice. Yours is different. Yours maybe worked wonders but this is my experience. I can't let you, or anyone, define them for me. If its going to get fucked up, then let it. I'll learn. I'm gonna keep making these mistakes."

"...until you get it right?"

"Yes. And no. I'm doing it as long as I feel like making them."

"huh? WHY? (again)"

"I'm hoping to find meaning. I fail to see any in yours. If anything wants to happen, let it. I'll recover. "

"ya la. Whatever la. (annoyed and puzzled)"


So, its one of those (very) rare occasions where I feel like a total badass. I guess this is one of the things my friends hate about me: If I'd say I want to do something, there's no amount of warning and advice can change my mind. Unless, I see the reason to not do so myself.

Nothing beats being young. Being young, you take risks. You make mistakes. Thats what is great about it. Don't let other tell you what your experiences should be like. Forget self-help books, forget motivationals, forget role models. Its your story. There's a lot still left untold for you to write. I really hate being told what to do and being told to be like other people (hate this the most). Don't you?

The biggest regret I have is that I spent my younger years sitting in the background as I watched others flinging gaily up in the air with no safety on.

Regrets? I'll take care of that later.

not a real post

I have never felt so distracted, so confused, so restless, heart-rend yet calm in my entire life. Its the kind of feeling that makes you wanna lay down and stare at the ceiling. I was so spaced out when my mom called last nite, I didn't pick it up (called her the next morning). I saw her name on the caller ID but I just can't respond. Fortunately, the knuckleheads at home help me break the space-out with their nerves. Im gonna beat them up.

I'm so distracted that everything I do is half-assed. Like my last minute assignments. Like this post. Like how I'm gonna write less in a post with a video.

"For you. The clue is: there are seven voices. One is not as good as the other six. Or all seven won't sound as good."


oh, yeah. Here's a vid:


THE STATE SEES ALL. ENJOY.

no guarantees

I think I should set a day to celebrate stupidity. Can't think of when and how. I'll figure it out, soon. Or later. Or maybe never. (picture is from Zero Punctuation. Bill Yahtzee, you're my hero.)




Its all about the "balls first" approach. Yes, Aishah. I love that word.
Success is when you don't get killed in the process.

red riding

red riding hood: is it a fairy tale or just a bedtime story?


When you think about it, there's a little Red in all of us. Hood or no hood. We are the little Red in the hood. And all of us we're told by Mother to send a basket to Grandmother. Before leaving, mother told us to not stray away from the path. Just follow the path. You'll be at Grandma's in no time.

Unfortunately, the woods can be very tempting for little Red. The flowers. The animals. The waters. The unknown. Its just too tempting. Inevitably, little Red will go astray. And hey, little Red don't play by the rules. Are you going to take the path all the way to Grandma's or would you take the time to get dirty in the woods? Is Grandma really sick? Why the hell is Grandma living all alone in the middle in the woods? Is there something wrong between Mother and Grandma? What's it going to be, little Red?

And then, there is the Wolf. There is a wolf in the woods. There are wolves in the woods. If little Red follows the path, she could probably beat the wolf to Grandma's. Saves the trouble and the woodchuck could go on chucking woods peacefully. Or little Red could wander into the woods and run into the Wolf. Instant drama, if you'd ask me. These wolves, they don't always have sharp, teeth, sharp claws, long ears and always hairy. We all have our own wolves. Our very own personal wolves. We will encounter these wolves someday. We will deal with these wolves. Do we depend on the woodchuck to be there in time for a heroic rescue? Do fight these wolves ourselves? Do we make friends with them? Do these wolves bargain with us? What do we have to bargain?

The path Mother told us to go through sounds ideal. Sounds safe. Sounds boring. We are bound to go into the woods. We are bound to meet these wolves. We must face these wolves. We, little Red, need to learn lessons only can be learned from a journey in the woods. I recognize the fact that many might not be able to return to the path. Many might not survive the encounter with the wolf. Many might question how Grandma come to be the way she is now. Many will question the path.

The next time you're going to Grandma's, take a detour into the woods. Why not? What do you have to lose? Are we not curious of what adventure lies ahead? Go. Our wolves are waiting for us.

Tread lightly, Red dearest.

Inspired by The Path from Tale of Tales

Making Mistakes

An original by Haley Bop. Sounds like a cross between Regina Spektor and Ingrid Michaelson.




Each night i compromise what i want, what i dont, whose by my side, and i can never be alone
I dream of you while im next to him, in this stale love life im livin in and its not fair to anyone.
I need to get away if only for today, im playin games.

I call you up, to meet me out, in the park after dark everybodys out, just us and thoughts of this is so bad.
Feels good at first but its quickly worse, now all i think is loves a curse and why am i always so selfish

i need to get away if only for today, im playing games...making mistakes, taking this love for granted i have with you today, but theres tomorrow, and its left untold but you swear ill always have you to hold.
I need to get away if only for today, im playing games

I see your face and im filled with guilt from tearin down this love weve built, but im holding on to strings that were left there.
Ill try and sew them back together but im afraid that we will never seem the same way as before I was playin these games.

Nightmares: Soft Pillows and Annoying Narratives

Ever woke up to a nightmare? Or, have you ever woke up into a nightmare?

I think I just did. I woke up this morning just to find that I have only done 3 pages for my SLA mini-research. And its due during her class, which ends at 10.30 this morning. I woke up at 8.00. Do the math.

I screamed.

No. Let's rephrase that:

I was screaming.

Talk about last minute. Its all thanks to that "I think I'll have that 30 min powernap". 30 mins? Cheh. Konon. ...but I did managed to submit it directly to her 3 minutes after 10.30. Earned the label "famous people" in her class. I'm a problem student now? Its been years since that incident with my social studies lecturer. AWESOME.


When will we learn our lesson? *sigh*


On a side note, one of the guys in the house started watching Gossip Girl....




...GOD SAVE US ALL.

Come check our calendars

All three microteachings suffered badly from my complacency and lack of concern for developing teaching aids. Failing subjects is not a distinct possibility. The only thing I did right this semester was the movie review for Asian Literature. Its "Water" by Deepa Mehta. Its an awesome Indian movie. Its really deep. I recommend you to watch it. And then I was also desperate to prove to my Class Management instructor that I am doing my work. Thanks to Tatie and Pie for giving me something to talk about, even though it was just verbatim and a little bit of paraphrasing on my part. I am, like everyone else, concerned about my grades too.

And, since everyone is bitching about being super busy, I have dedicated some time to develop some visual aids to help explain the situation that my fellow coursemates and I are going through:


To illustrate the situation, I've selected two essential activities for the discerning undergrad student. They're very important, for sure. You can't deny and I can't stress more on how important these two are. THEY ARE EFFING IMPORTANT! Plus, I've placed them inside coloured rectangles for presentation purposes.



This how the schedule would look like for the normal busy student. This is how it usually looks. Notice how they are tightly packed. Sticking. No hairlines. Totally compact.


Now, this is how our timetable looks like. Notice how the pressure of time and lack of initiative have compacted both activities that they start to forcefully overlap to accomodate the time constraint enforced upon us. Its like the skin of a chronic couch potato has naturally melded into the couch itself. The TR stand for toilet reading which means we have to study for tests even during "business" hours. However, I don't see how Toilet Reading is going to make any difference to me. I do it all the time!


In fact, the time allocated for posting this post overlaps with the time allocated to eat the chips I've bought a week ago, the time for me complete my 6-8 page Second Language research (due tomorrow) and the time for me pick my nose clean.


This requires shit serious time management skills, essential to any student who has great concern over efficiency, and unfortunately, I'm not one of those students. I have a fairly impressive "bitching" skill, if that helps.


Even now, I can still hear them bitch about it.

That's rite! keep singing it, people!!! Oh, yea. Uh-huh, uh-huh!

Acting on impulse and spontaneity

Have you ever imagined if it was possible being stupid beyond stupid itself? Have you ever wondered why did you let your guts and impulses let you take over? How you ever wondered whatever happened to that mantra you're always held with you, "Slow and Smooth, Smooth is Fast"?

Have you felt so stupid because you forgot that YOU HAVE A PHONE? And you can just give a call or a text, and save you from looking like an idiot in front of people that matter?

Slow and smooth, smooth is fast.


Quote of the week

"If its wise to see the good in the bad,
Then it must be fair to see the bad in the good".
-huzen, 2007

Jason at the Nobel Peace Prize Concert 2008

Beautiful Mess, with accompaniment. Live at the Nobel Peace Prize Concert 2008.

Breach and Clear (Clean?)

Bored soldiers applying urban combat "breach and clear" tactics to clean the laundry room.

Its quite funny but cool at the same time. Guess this is what they mean when they say "War come and go, but the soldier stays forever".

To whom it may concern

I feel like writing beautiful words tonight. Need to get some things of my chest and I hope this small act of positivity may relieve the tension I had from this week's work and, hopefully, help put a smile on your face as well as mine.

Here goes,

To Whom It May Concern

Lovely,
That breathless charm.
The tenderness that shows
from the laugh that wrinkles your nose,
it tickles this foolish heart.
Lovely,
Never ever change.
Keep that breathless charm,
It makes one breathless and weak
for a brief moment.
willing able and ready
the next.
Lovely,
What lies would I tell,
when all I tell is the truth.
The need to be brave,
when beauty can be even seen by the blind.
Lovely,
They say
Its beautiful only after the acquaintance.
I say (as I stood on my ground)
Its beautiful on that very moment I saw.

If these words be lies,
Then let all the other words I say
be lies.


Something didn't sound right. I might have figured it out but I don't know how to make it better. Writing nice things is kinda hard when you're used to being a dick about everything.
Change should be gradual as well as consistent. What better time than now?

Frantic Fortnight: The Ultimate Pile-up

The fever's catching up. I'm not gonna whine about how its really busy and how I missed having my free time. Yeah, so why procrastinate in the first place?

p/s: Cock punching should be used in self-defense. Using it as a form of banter is highly unethical. Please take note.

Prettiest Friend

this is what i look like today
and i'm trying not to pull out my hair
i'm trying not to show it cause i'm far too shy to grow it back there
that's probably why i like wearing hats
there's no denying i'm deferring the facts
avoiding confrontation
lacks tact in a situation
behind every line is a lesson yet to learn

but if you ask me
the feeling that i'm feeling is overwhelming
and oh it goes to show
i've so much to know

i wrote this for my prettiest friend
who while trying not to prove that i care
trying not to make all my moves in one motion and scare her away
well she can't see she's making me crazy now
i don't believe she knows she's amazing how
she has me holding my breath
so i'd never guess that i'm a none such unsuitable, suitable for her

but if you ask me
the feeling that i'm feeling is complimentary
and oh it goes to show
the moral of the story is boy loves girl
and so on the way that it unfolds is yet to be told

i know that i should be brave
even pretty can be seen by the blind
i know that i cannot wait
until the day we finally learn how to find each other
redefining open minds

and if you ask me
the feeling that i'm feeling is overjoyed
and it's golden, it goes to show then
the ending of this song should be left alone
and so on cause the way it unfolds is yet to be told

March Mayhem: It starts

Got a new name for it:

Its the "March Mayhem".

Although it doesn't sound there yet, but its close and its better than the previous.

Another few months, we'll be facing the "September Crunch".

End Hip Hop for world peace.

"Readers of my online journal - I refuse to use the word "blog" sounds like something that lives on the riverbed and communicates through farts...."

Propulsion

I foresee great times ahead.

I had an euphoric rush that propels into a state of "run Forrest run!" for something I hardly believe I would do. Yes, I am a total loser.

And then,

I managed to go through a Shakespeare lecture without FALLING ASLEEP, while being fully alert and paying attention for the first time this semester. Taming of the Shrew covered in one 3-hour session and I was "there".

I really need this kind of energy. Rough times ahead calls for the extra enthusiasm. I wish you the same.

p/s: No, I'm not crazy. If you are as pathetic as I am, it would propel you higher maybe higher than I did. I love those things I said.

Why?

Another post, another step towards being a pretentiously smart twit.

Went to Sunway last saturday, in the Pyramid. To unwind (konon la). Ate at glutton's hangout Hartz Chicken buffet. I think my calorie count and cholesterol levels skyrocketed to the moon and back. If my parents knew, they'd be furious. They also had a nice salad bar - they have celery which was awesome, if only they have peanut butter to go with it. Exercise is in order.

As went stroll around the mall, it reminds of 1Borneo back at home. It claims to be the largest hypermall in the region but it didn't look like the largest. The thought of it saddens me. Designer, labels and stuff. Is this what we want? Wait, the use of the word "we" is nothing but a selfish masking of the personal interest. Is this what I want? Is this what you want? "Yes and no" is a safe answer.

Yes:

1. Boosts economy - generating trade, revenue and stuff like that.
2. Provides employment.
3. Welcoming tourists, they love shopping havens.
4. For stability, by providing people something to entertain themselves with.
5. Image development - whatever that means.

No:

1. We want first class mentality. Not just first class facilities.
2. Cost of living increases.
3. Capitalism. Free market stuff like that.
4. Vanity...don't get me started on that.
5. My general contempt towards our fellow man...yeah, I'm just nit-picking.

Yeah, I'm being narrow minded and apathetic at best. Conservative is the best word for it. Keeping up with the latest fashion? I'm sorry, you lost me. I am the epitome of the typical retrosexual male. If I was famous, other retros would worship me. People like me just couldn't be bothered with these things. The only times where I would dress up properly (never extravagant) are on protocol-run events, special occasions and those rather special occasions. I would groom myself fitting to the minimum requirements needed to make contact with another human being. The point of dressing up grew from the need to attract the opposite sex. This means that I am the most undesirable person in town. Hell, I'm not even sexually appealing and I cannot imagine any female in the right mind would think so (you realize a lot of things when you look in the mirror often). But I do keep myself clean, and its doing wonders to my self-esteem. Well, maybe I'm just bitter because I can't afford the grandeur, extravagant things in life (but I can still afford the good ones). After all, I'm just a simple young man raised in by simple parents in a simple family.

The guys wanted to see Dragonball the movie, until we met Pie, Syud and her sisters - they happen to be in the mall that day. Pie told us the movie sucked, which I could already tell. So, we opted to watch Watchmen (that sounded redundant) . I should make this clear: I'm not a fan of superheroes and comic based movies. Sure I watch on HBO. In a cinema? Not likely. Its not because I hate them. Its because......well, let's just say "No". Since its from the director of 300, I kept an open mind (there was a lot of gritty violence). And...whaddaya know? It blew me away. I liked it. It turns out that the movie was not about superheroes, it was about people. Us. Or just them. The movie was very philosophical and brimming with symbolism here and there. There was no good guys bad guys. Just everyone. The end was plain but still a good surprise - a good plain I-think-I've-seen-that-before kind of surprise.
My only complain was Dr. Manhattan. His inclusion to the group of Watchmen is just too much. Over-the-top. Imagine: A group of superheroes consisting of normal people (except they are agile and stronger than usual) then here come the God-like superhero with abilities such bending matter, make people blow their asses off, teleport to any point in the solar system, totally immortal and infinitely powerful - to join in the fight for justice among regular, weak, bleedable and breakable twits. I guess he's there to symbolize something. Ok, I'm not going to give a review of the movie. I should leave that task to the respective people who do reviews. I'll only say: its a good movie. The superhero theme is there just to attract people to watch it.

After the movie, spent time loitering around the mall. I remembered my mom kept telling me to go get myself a wrist watch. "Oh yeah", I said to myself. Its been like - what? - 3 or 4 years since I've worn one. My wrist watches have trouble lasting long enough for me. My last watch had its strap replaced 2 or 3 times. Its frame also had to be knock with a jeweler's hammer because it was bent slightly out of shape (it was steel!). My mom always told "What kind of man who does not wear a watch?" I dunno. A man who has a good sense of time and doesn't a piece of expensive ornamental instrument to prove it? You see, sunshine means morning. Sun on top of my head and its hot, means its afternoon. Sun fading away, its evening. When its dark, it means its already night. I'm good. Biological clock still ok. I know when I'm hungry, when I'm sleepy and when I should take a bath.

Ok, so I did get one anyway. Finally. A decent one. As I walked into the shop that sells watches (whats the name for it again?), I looked around and had a realization. I always had this bad impression of men who often bought expensive gifts for their women - as if they were trying to buy themselves to love. I realized that they (or just some) did so because they had this overflowing feeling of love inside them. Men just had to let those feelings show. Men are creatures who express themselves throught their actions rather than words. So, back to my quest of getting a wrist watch. I was taking a long time trying them on, comparing and deciding which one best fits me. Then the sales assistant came and said,

"Why don't you ask your friend if it looks good on you?"

So, I realized that it means "your self-image is determined by other people". I guess that's what fashion is all about. I rebel. I think this is one of the ideas that I have rebelling and running away from all this time - which was very difficult and almost impossible.

Yeah.

So that's it.







Here's another lesson: don't burden yourself with overanalysis. Its going to hinder you from actual progress and you're going to miss life's experiences.





I like this cover of one of Michael Buble's song.

staying positive

By now,





I should know what must be done. I shall press on. Keep going.
Everything's going to be alright. I hope.


Have faith.

Cinta: chance and unforeseen variables

Let's start with some quotes. Everyone likes putting up quotes in their posts. Its kinda easier that way, i guess. Taking up someone's ideas to clarify your own. Saves time and it makes you appear more intelligent and cultured (with the impression that you read a lot).

"If you think that the dance don't fit your style, well, just remember this: Don't let your mind stop you from having a good time" - Jason Mraz, Live in Kuala Lumpur.

"Wise men say, Only fools rush in" - Elvis, Can't Help Falling in Love.

"You make the wrong mistake!" - Eric Gapang, one of my favourite all-star quotes.

"If you think your life is a sugar-coated strawberry, then mine is just the strawberry" - oh, yeah. That was me. On "Pathetic Twits Who Can't Enjoy Strawberries without the Sugar-Coating".

Now, to the real post. Evening classes were canceled so it means I have a little bit of free time. It also means I missed a class with the lovely Miss Norhashima. Having her as the teaching grammar instructor is a good thing. I am no longer feeling sleepy or falling asleep in class - like I always do in my other classes (presentation groups: I deeply apologize). Now, I rotate between feeling sleepy and gawking at her....oh yeah, I still learn something in Teaching Grammar, mind you.

Yesterday was one of those rare occasions when I watched a Malay movie. A Malay Love Movie to be exact. Cinta. Honestly (an overrated word and overused), it blew my expectations. It was unlike any other Malay movies I've seen. The Sembilu series (stereotypical example, ha) was unbearable to watch due to its super-unbearable mucky corniness which always leaves in a state of a crouching-rigor-mortis. There were other corny movies I refuse to mention. They are so corny and lame that I wished that they should be placed under the rating of 18PG - where the PG stands for "Pretentious Gits". Maybe my scathing criticism is inappropriate and does injustice to our local industry but those kind of movies could only impress generations of those up to 10 years ago. I could only wish for the best for our local movie industry. May the magical fairies descend from the tree of wishes and bring chocolate smiles to every boy and girl in the land. (Haven't watched Puteri Gunung Ledang, so can't say if its actually good).

Cinta is a love movie with a fresh twist in its storytelling - 5 different relationships converge on the same setting and the same timeline. Let's skip on the Love part and go straight to business. What caught my attention is: in the opening scene, Taufik is seen walking in an alley when a bag of discarded food landed right in front of him. He picked it up and went to the nearest rubbish bin. Here comes the interesting part: as stood in front of the bin he decides whether he should just put the bag on top of the bin or in it, given that the lid is covered with shit. He did the right thing by putting it in and having his hand smeared with shit. As he walks away, another discarded food fell from above. This scene really means a big deal to the movie and the modern life in general.

Doing the right thing is difficult and results are often undesirable. Experience has taught me the same thing. Trying to do the right thing can often result in a situation where you lose. Being righteous has often been dismissed as naive, stupid and...stupid. People tell me that all the time.

"Eh, tak payah la buang masa. Biarkan saja."
"Ha, tengok! Bukan jadi apa-apa pun"
"Apa yang kamu dapat?"
"Skema betul la kamu ni"

Familiar? Of course, but I had to do those things because my system will bother me throughout the day if I don't. I do recall the first time I came to Shah Alam. Everyone was pushing, elbowing and other verbs - trying to get on a rapid bus on a busy afternoon at the main campus. Seeing it crammed to it's limit, I stood back. A friend dashed and pushed himself into the bus, squashing that little guy in front. As he was climbing, clambering on the sea of people he looked back at me (trip macho la konon) and said,

"This is life".

Bullshit, dude. If this is really life, I'm not living it. Its not worth it. I can wait for another bus. I have always been the non-conformist. Being "skema" (or what other things you mortal may call it) is futile but it is how I rebel against our social beliefs. Call me naive and stupidly innocent. I'll take it. Think about it: "Peace, Not War"?. Is it really possible? As long as we realize our differences, there's no way we (people) could get along totally - without the minor discomfort which sparks one conflict after another. Here's another: "Save our planet"? Its a statement of narrow self-interest. Let me rephrase that: "Let's us save the environment to save ourselves". The planet does not need to be saved because it couldnt die. Meteorite showers, toxic clouds, turbulent climates million years ago happened yet the planet still lives. Being a non-conformist also explains my almost non-existent fashions consciousness. I can't imagine myself doing the "ketam-ketam" in the morning so I can apply excessive amount of hair gel for that spiky sharkhead look like EVERYBODY ELSE IS DOING. Just because everyone is doing it and its the "in" thing doesn't mean I have to hop on board. I have beautiful silky hair, just so you know.

BTW, Izza did mentioned that Capricorns like me are born pessimists. True. However, its not all that bad. Sometimes, I think myself as a sadistic super pessimists. I take a look something and the first thing to come into mind? A worst case scenario. I always think of the worst case possible that can occur to another fellow man, not that I hate other people. For example, a man on a motorbike - 90-100 km/h - one mistake - use your imagination. Pessimism is my optimism. It keeps me on my toes. I'm aware of potential drawbacks and dangers, for which I am to prepare myself. It gives me the benefit of forward thinking. I could always keep one feet on the ground, while propping my head upwards - for positive thinking.

Ok, that was quite a side-track. Back to the movie Cinta, there is something that it says about love that I find compatible with what I believe about the damn thing. To most people, love is all about "winning". To me? Its about keeping it alive. To keep on going. Unconditionally. Friends kept pushing me and putting thoughts in my head:

"Hold her hand"
"Assault! Assault" (WTF? Seriously)
"There she is sitting with some friends. Go tell her now"
"Kiss her. KISS HER. On the lips, eh? Must!" (Oh, I'd love to do that. Really do. But WTH, dude?)

It brings me to the question: does being in love mean you must make that person yours, at all costs? To own them? Is it about "winning"? Then what? I may not know the answer because I just a young man unfamiliar with the art of love. Again, being the non-conformist that I am, I'm always trying to define my own experiences in life. I love it when the experience leave me between these two: 1) leaving me in a state of flushing euphoria or 2) feeling stupid about myself for being tongue-tied and downright silly. I'm always struggle trying to be sincere and unconditional in my conquest. Again, being righteous is a difficult thing. I'm always seeking ways to make one feel appreciated but often I fail. I'm still working on this.

The movie also tells us that this "love" thing is very unpredictable. Really? Is love all about chance? Unpredictable, it is. Life is a constant bombardment of unforeseen variables. Chance just sets the stage for us and the rest is what make of it. You'll get nowhere if you fail to take action because of fear for the variables.

Time unpermitting, I have to end this post. Conclusively, Cinta has earned its place in my all-star favourite Malay movies - along with movies such as Sepet and Ghubra.

I still havent thought of what to post about my recent attendance to the first Jason Mraz concert in Kuala Lumpur. The newspaper said a total of 9000 fans attended the 1 hour and a half show that night. Malaysia loves Jason, apparently.

Till then.

What he gave

A strange man uses holographic tools to build a world for the woman he loves. This is a short film by Bruce Branit. Its romantic yet sad.

I wish I have those tools.

Sexiness

I'm still working on the new posts for this blog. In the meantime, let's talk about the F-22 Raptor. It sleek and sexy. Sexiest aircraft ever (next to the Comanche) and I like it. Costs USD 191 million a unit. The first stealth all-round capability fighter jet in its class.

Maintenance team

Sketch

The cockpit's like a bubble...of the future!

Classy

The only reason why I bought Discovery Magazine issue 7.

Gosh, SO SEXY. hurr hurr.....

"Hey, its YOUR song!"

Dats rite! Beautiful Mess it is. I'll update the rest later.

(Digicam batteries went out in the middle of the concert. DAMMIT! This is from my phone)






Gosh. It feels SO good (note - Awesome!).

Immolation: Slow Painful

I've read that people say the stench of a burned victim is awful. Those fire victims. It makes me wonder when a human is burnt to death, he/she gives out an awful stench. Does it only smell awful to other humans as well? Exclusively to human beings? Or do animals feel the same way?

If animal meat was burnt, we wouldn't normally say its give a haunting stench. We would just say it smells "cooked", "overcooked" or "burnt". Maybe its our perception of death. An animal's, for example: poultry, death means that food is being prepared. A man burning to death is man's death. Another hypothesis I've came up with is the bowels and organs. Based on my readings, dead bodies are preserved for funeral by removing the bowels and organs. Removing them slows down the decomposition process because our stomach and bowels stores fermented food and bacterium while organs contains blood and bile which decomposes quickly. Animals that are cooked usually have been gutted and have their bowels removed which explains the presence of the "awful" stench.

Death by immolation is the most painful way to die I can imagine. Compared to drowning and asphyxiation. Think about: Hell is depicted to be full of flames. Flames so divinely hot that they could be burning black in colour. Death by heat: can be explained through how a man could die from being stranded in the middle of a desert. The hypothalamus regulates body functions including body temperature. When the heat is extreme and we start running out of bodily fluids (water and sweat) to cool the body, our bodily functions starts to go haywire - we start seeing things (this can be further explained in hallucinations caused by the brain shutting down to conserve energy@resources). The hypothalamus gets fucked up. Temperature gets out of control. The brain boils. You die. Death by immolation is almost similar, except that it is faster and far more painful. I've burned my finger accidentally with a matchstick when I was 8. It was awfully painful. Imagine a burn on your finger, multiply the pain by a hundred- to a thousand-fold and then, imagine that pain is felt on every inch of your skin. However, that is just an approximation.....



This is horrible. I should stop. I'm going watch some Pixar or Disney movies. If this had occurred when i was ten years younger, I could be a potential serial killer. Thank god for my parents...Oh, dear God. Rid me of these thoughts...

moods

I don't really know but this must be how it feels to be a girl going through the golden time of the month.

I've been moody since last week. There's also a huge amount of rage going through I could beat the crap out of the next asshole who looks at me funny. Evidently, I've been biting heads of the guys at home all week long (most of the time, they deserve it. No worries there).

I can't help it. This anger. Its very consuming. Hope its just a phase and pray it will pass.


I am angry.

I am very angry.