Black Wednesdays

2012-01-20T00:23:00.001+08:00

at this rate, i should just sign up for tumblr.

yup mondays

2012-01-10T00:09:00.000+08:00

fluttershy is not pleased.

I don't have elevator rides on my way work nor elevator music to mock at a weekend past. Monday is now out of the way and its time to get to business.

2012-01-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

i woke up to a sweet dream last night. it was pumpkin pie sweet when i woke up i can feel myself blush in the dark and then fell back asleep, smiling.
woke up early in the morning. today everything went a-okay. i enjoyed teaching Civics. Class went okay. Work was okay. some suit from the ministry came visiting and I was seen at my best. Had a good discussion.

up until now, i still wonder: could that dream really will happen? It was so everything about it was so real. so vivid. I really wish it does. I haven't had a sweet dream like that in, like, years.

something everypony can relate to

2012-01-03T23:13:00.002+08:00

i like the duality theme in these pics. they accurately represent the insecurities and neurotism of the neurotic ponies in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Everypony knows some of the fun episodes are the ones that focuses on a pony and how they experience mental/nervous breakdowns (see Season 1 Episode 24, Season 2 Episode 3). How's that for a kids show? (photos taken from bronies.memebase.com)

pinkie pie on 0:43 is freaky as shit.

creepy on 0:06 and 0:23

the dragonborn comes (cover) by Malukah

2012-01-03T21:14:00.000+08:00

this is a beautiful cover on Skyrim's dragonborn comes. i like the part where she sings in dragon tongue. wispy and beautifully haunting. download the mp3 here. More on Malukah herself, here. Turns out this cover took her popularity several notches higher.

2012-01-01T01:03:00.000+08:00

the dichotomy of my life: boring, uneventful vs. batshit crazy.

became a Brony last October.

plus: this guy's got quite the talent. he's like an English Eminem.

2011's been some crazy year. there were ups and downs. and no resolutions for new years. just goals. very important goals.

in the dark

2011-11-14T21:40:00.001+08:00

counting today, its been, like, 2 weeks and a half without electricity. Well, not exactly 2 weeks. there were blackouts varying 3 to 4 days in length. Then, interrupted by the electricity turning back on for, also, varying lengths of time - from 5 minutes to 30 minutes. From 1 to 3 hours but never close to 24 hours. Its like they are toying with your feelings. this is breaking my heart.

from what i heard, there's a major problem with the island's generator causing all three of them unable to run. Auxiliary generators included. The cause: some say due to someone cutting corners, someone took a cut on the fuels, they were second-hand generators, the generators somehow blew their compressors. Damn, i heard a lot of rumors. as of right now, i am depending on the electricity provided by the school's independent power generators, which are available at a particular period of time. So, we are seizing those opportune times to charge the devices we city-dwellers so depend on.

What's worse: Me and my housemate were so busy we TOTALLY forgot about our fridge. We were eating by the jetty (beautiful view. for REAL. there are colourful fishies swimming below as we have our meals. Will post something on that.) every evening. When we got back we were so tired and it was really dark. We noticed it last sunday afternoon, when we returned from our sleepover at the office. to our despair, we left the meat we got from a "korban" for a week in the fridge. Allah is Merciful as He is Gracious! I've handled rotten chicken meat but this defecation hits the oscillation. the meat was practically rotten its falling off as i carried it. Like its melting. I am a trained professional when it comes to handling rotting wastes - at home the duty was trash, handling dead animals, cleaning where the animal died, burying dead animals, disposing of maggot, fungus ridden things, to name some - but this hits my gag reflex. I gagged. I even tried my usual technique - inhale deeply and accept the odour into my system - which failed. threw it away, the dogs took it away, problem solved.

but cleaning the fridge is another challenge. We had to clear everything as there were maggots in every shelf and every compartment. It was literally an infestation. and infestation you can't do away with a flamethrower. So, we got our hands dirty started cleaning. We were so methodical and structured in our cleaning efforts. i had maggot bits in my finger nails and some even landed near my mouth. but the day was won and now we only had find a way to get rid of the lingering odour.

night time is another challenge. usually we would hang out at the school trying to get some paperwork done. when we were tired or it is raining or the night is just too dark and scary to navigate, we would just sit in the dark being bored. occasionally filled it with gossip, jokes and whatnot. for dinner we had, if we did not feel like hitting the jetty, we would resort to dry foods. Instant noodles, canned food, crackers and junk food. The usual stuff, just like back in varsity. heh, memories. couldn't have the good stuff cuz the fridge is useless without electric juice.

today, my housemate had to leave the island for a meeting. tonight, i realized something worse than eating by yourself (well, i'm quite used to eating by myself. but just trying to get the point across). It is eating instant noodles by yourself in the dark, at a distance from civilization. Somehow, the dark acutely increases your perception. I can hear all sorts of noises. the sound of geckos tangling with each other. dogs howling from the edge of the village (seriously, dogs here can really do the horror movie howls, fo' shizz!). Water dripping from the tap. the wind. something walking on the roof (oh snap! for real). and most of time, absolute silence. your mind can't help but hoping and wanting to hear, or to see, something. anything. it makes the untrained mind desperate for stimulus. Despite of it being so, I have my DSi to keep me company (if i get to charge the thing).

I have to admit: being a guy who used to live with all the modern amenities, the absence of electricity can leave you dazed, baffled and confused. We are just so used to live with electricity and all gadgets that depend on it. the engineers that came into the island didn't really solve the problem. as long as they were in here, electricity was okay. as soon as they leave, power's gone. Don't you smell something suspicious? So far, I'm adjusting. the darkness and silence leaves with so much time for introspection: about my personal life so far. about other people. about my actions. about love and relationships. about my personal economy. and stuff like that. Apart from that, i don't see the power supply returning to normal anytime this month.

on another note, in a recent broadband spike (due to declining numbers of users online), i got to test out the multiplayer side of Battlefield 3. IT. IS. AWESOME. its far from the usual run and gun affair of other shooters. teamwork is key. you can really contribute to your team's victory even if you are not fastest gunner of them all. even if you have bad reflexes and aiming skills, you can still provide covering fire from a fixed position - suppressing the enemy while your mates get into position and you don't have to hit the enemy! now thats authentic combat tactics. getting kills doesn't matter. you and your mates will work to achieve the objectives. in fact, chasing after kills can be the reason that brings your team to defeat.

ok i will cover on that in a later post. probably will do a Battlefield 3 VS Call of Duty MW3 discussion. So, yeah. I hope you are all having the time of your lives. Here's to presevering in the name of moral obligation. Night.

the vet and the n00b (a MW3 trailer)

2011-11-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

the expression on the noob's face is totally priceless. i think the trailer has managed to catch some of the multiplayer essence of COD:MW. how newbies tend to wantonly fire the grenade launcher for easy kills and how most forget to aim down the sights (ADS) for accurate and efficient kills.

Despite the awesome trailer, I still remain skeptical towards MW3. will wailt for the reviews and youtube gameplay footages. the usual retailer have notified of limited copies of the games prior to release but i'm not gonna let that influence my purchase decisions. There's also TES:Skyrim coming this november.

2011: the year of unaccomplishments

2011-10-10T00:22:00.000+08:00

just browsed through facebook. rummaging the old photos, by me and from friends. I miss the old times. everything was great (well, everythings kinda great now). youth is a wonderful thing. i miss the life. i miss the old friends. and i miss the joy of being able to accomplish something.

this year, i have adopted several bad work ethics. a lot did not get done. some things did not go well as expected. I am going to lose some important things. I am going to lose my postgraduate status. I might lose the trust of several people. i might as well stop whining about work now. gotta keep a positive, right?

you have to admit. at this age, you could feel the pressure to be tying the knot. the other workmates have been bugging the still-single ones about getting married. One may goes as far as trying to be a matchmaker. I have nothing against, and its great, but I hate to be forced into anything. but yes, i am currently interested in someone - is it mutual? now that is something i cant answer. i wouldn't make a bold step anytime within this year or the next. I don't know if i can handle the outcome - good and bad.

I'm taking too much unnecessary precautions. I avoid being nice to the opposite gender. I usually limit eye contact when talking to them. i try to keep conversations as brief as possible while trying to be polite. Heck, even when I'm in the mood of flirting I'm calculating the risks of actually getting serious its-crazy-i-know. I don't actually lead a tragic love life. I'm pretty tragic at relationships. I would bomb it out crazy nowhere. sometimes, i would bomb a relationship even before it has begun. i'm suicide-bombing my own love life. I wish i could have it normal like other people do. Introduce ourselves. Go out. Get to know other and stuff like that.

oh, yeah. I've just downloaded Bastion on Steam. Its huge fun. The colour palette in this game is very lush and dazzling, in an arty kinda way. get an XBox360 controller for Windows. its goes pretty well with a lot of games these days.

p/s: I've also picked up a Warhammer 40k's Assault on Black Reach miniature set. the paint set was rather expensive. Will be doing some assembling and miniature painting with the sister this coming holiday. I would probably let my little brother paint the Orks. Im watching and downloading some lessons on miniature painting techniques. Check out awesome paint vids by Les Burley on youtube and his site on http://www.awesomepaintjob.com/. His brush control is totally wicked.

she has a well-rounded personality

2011-09-23T14:28:00.000+08:00

the world as i see it.

i have just listened to his latest single this week. its a pretty good song. the lyrics are pretty well thought out and i love how the lyrics have more than one layer of interpretation. One, describing how the world is loveable. Two, using the same words to comparing the loveable wonders of the world to describe a loveable loved one.

Songs like this are the reason why I really love performances by Jason. Its an escape from the American Idol and Akademi Fantasia norms (or trend) in singing and music in general - over-the-top, overly vain and critical emphasis on one's vocal power with on-stage choreography; rather than the enjoying the song the way it is written. Jason's music reminded how live music can be much more enjoyable through his organic performances. There's no need for blinding blazing lights with every color in the spectrum. No need for glittering snazzy clothes, changed in between every two songs. No need for group of dancers, who dance moves sometimes have no coherence with the song performed.

When I say organic, I don't mean its "natural". You can be natural but not be organic. To me, natural is when you can pull a song off or made it enjoyable to listen with little effort. By organic I mean that the performance is natural and it does not feel highly choreographed. Its full of simplicity, like how Jason has a beerstein of tea on stage with him onstage. Its all so relaxed, warm and comfortable. just like singing around a campfire. I like to be reminded how simple can be enjoyed from time to time.

magic the gathering

2011-09-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

Hay everybody! watsup? Been away for quite some time now. yeah, there's much to talk about but, as always, I'm putting them away for later. Being a working a man, I am able to afford to pick up new hobbies (hobbies that cost money. a significant amount). One of them is Magic the Gathering.

I've picked up Magic: The Gathering as a pastime recently. Its one of those trading card games except its not any of those trading cards in the market. MtG is the oldest trading card game there is (or at least the one that i can think of.

It was founded by Richard Garfield (deceased) back in the 90s. Back when I was in my studies, I used to see Magic the Gathering at a friend's place. Didn't quite get it on how it was played and such. Back then it was quite an expensive hobby as it is today.

Backstory: So, how did I come to pick MtG up? I frequent this tumblr a lot: pocketfulofgeek. Long story short, I saw several card showcased in many of the author's post and I was rather intrigued. Intrigued by the admirable artwork in the cards and intrigued by its play mechanics. Thus, I began my google quest looking to procure myself some MtG. Stumbled on a local game shop in the Peninsular: CCEGames and found out they take delivery orders. And that was that. Want to find out more about MtG? head on to: wizards.com\magic.

For its price point, its quite discouraging to get into. It is. My personal justification is that Magic is an economy. These paper cards, like them baseball cards, will fetch a fine present in the future. Even in the near future. The most expensive card I heard to date is the Black Lotus (1995), going for USD 1000(!) a piece. Collectors paid USD 15k for that! Even present day cards like Jace is worth RM 200 a piece. But all this is just secondary, I'm in it for the fun and I find them kinda cool. Just be sure to sleeve the cards before I play them.

From my starting experience the best way to start getting into Magic is by purchasing a Fat Pack:

My favourite expansion so far cuz they're full of Horror themed cards. Like the Hellraiser-like Elesh Norn

I find fat packs to be the best value deal Magic has to offer. It suits starters and old-timers alike. Each will usually cost you RM 100 (ouch! but wait, it isn't that bad). What you get: 9 booster packs, 80 land card, a life counter (its a 20-sided die. A TWENTY. SIDED. DIE. How awesome is that?!! eeeeeee), a booklet/catalog thingy, 2 deck boxes and a box with box art. A booster contains fifteen random cards and to make sure buyers don't feel ripped off each pack will contain 1 mythic/rare card, 3 uncommon and other commons.

Individually each booster will cost you RM 12. For RM 100, you'll get 135 + 80 cards. I find the fat packs come in packaging and extras of exceptional quality. I really admire the quality materials used in their products.

On a side note, MtG also offers intro packs and event decks. Intro packs are themed decks offered to introduce new play mechanics and style that comes with each expansion, i.e. poison, illusion, aggro. Event decks are themed decks that are constructed ready for competitive play from the get go and usually come in 2 flavors with every expansion. If you'd like to skip the hassle for arranging cards and play, for the sake of playing, with your style of choice, go with intro decks. If you'd like to start out with an edge, go with event decks. Of course, you can customize your set with your existing cards.

As of right now, I find it difficult to find people who are interested in playing a game of Magic. I can't find people who are existing players. Others think its too complicated and immediately turned off. Some has just moved on from these kinds of things. So, I'm only playing Magic with my sister. And recently, I found a shop in Karamunsing Capitol called Just Wargames. They specialize in Warhammer 40k (which i am also interested in getting into) but they also sell MtG on the side. And host Friday Night Magic every week.

p/s: yes, i know being a Magic (or Warhammer 40k) player doesn't make you a lady magnet. I'm sick and tired of being expected that everything I do has to be related with winning the hearts of the ladies. I don't have to. Yes, I'm single. I'm a loser. Yes, I'm hopeless with the ladies. But, please, I just want to indulge in my "geeky" interests. BTW, one of my favorite cards from the New Phyrexia block is this:

(images are property of Wizards of the Coast)

the HUMBLE INDIE BUNDLE pack!!!

2011-07-28T01:33:00.000+08:00

here's an opportunity: to buy 5 of the hippest indie games at dirt cheap prices and, wait for it, contribute to charity. Humble Bundle has recently collaborated with several indie gaming's renowned developers and got together for the 3rd Humble Bundle (means there were 2 bundles i did not know of). Games included in the bundle: VVVVVV (catchy 8-bit soundtrack), Crayon Physics Deluxe (doodle to win FTW), Cogs (great puzzles FTW), Hammerfight and And Yet It Moves.

What makes this sale so special? For starters, YOU GET TO DECIDE HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO PAY FOR THE FIVE GAMES. Seriously I could not believe it myself, at first. $10. $1. you can even opt to pay for just 50 cents (and it can go even lower than that, you shameless cheapskate). Non-promotion price for all five may range from $40 - $50. Even better you have the privilege to determine how much of your payment goes to the developer, how much goes to the charity funds (Child's Play , Electronic Frontier Foundation) and how much you'd like to tip Humble Bundle. Now that's power to the buyer.

To sweeten the deal, the 5 games you're getting will be DRM-free (that's Digital Rights Management for you). Meaning? Once you buy it, the games are yours. No internet connection required, no time limit for downloads, install them anywhere and as many times as you like, make copies, make backups and even redeem them from your existing STEAM and DESURA accounts. the amount freedom you're getting is as good as owning a pirated copy (but better, IMO. You're eligible for online support from the devs). You'll not only feel good for not stealing the labour of love from generous indie devs - you'll also feel good about yourself for contributing to charity.

As the time of typing this post, there's about 13 days left before the bundle ends.

p/s: a revelation. statistics shown in the site shows that Windows users are a bunch of cheap ass gamers. The average purchase price for Linux users: $11.00. Mac users: $6.33. Windows users: $3.83. Well, it is for charity after all.

via the escapist

photos. i got them photos

2011-07-25T16:57:00.000+08:00

any title i can think of for this post would end up sounding pretentious and would detract a bit from the overall theme. I'd like to say: i had quite a sublime weekend. Sitting on the platform having lunch while watching the schools of colourful fishies swimming below. took some photo while fiddling around with my housemate's D7000. Above is a picture taken from a beach on the island. the fence in the left contains an isolated grave. its quite romantic to have been buried on the beach. However, the lighting makes it extra creepy. its like we were going to notice some ghostly image after a while looking at it.

Took the chance to test them Cold Steel folders, Left: Rajah III, mini kukri in your pocket. Right: Recon 1 tanto, extremely durable and highly recommended. Yeah, I knot the lanyard myself. DIY. Or DIM, to be exact.

I think the view in this photo is awesome. Is it me, the photographer, who is awesome? Or is it just the camera? (sad horn)

In the night, I had the opportunity to witness a spider successfully stalking and preying on a mole cricket. It feels like I'm doing some NatGeo footage.

I think this the time when it finally noticed me prying on its privacy. Shame on me. then, it slowly moved backwards to make away with its prize.

with stuff like this, it makes one wonder why so many people want out of this island. I don't plan on settling down here in this island. well, i figured if I'm going to be stuck here for a while I might as well enjoy it.

FYI, photos are raw. Peace out.

relationships

2011-07-17T23:32:00.000+08:00

hey peeps. been away for some time. been busy i can tell ya that.

i suck at a lot of things. one of them is relationships. i'm not gonna talk about how i suck at keeping a relationship. i totally suck at starting one.

there's, like, a pattern: i hit on a girl and i'm all charming-like. We start out ok, getting to know each other and stuff. Then, as the momentum builds up, i started acting weird. she freaks out. i freak out. it goes downhill from there. its all jumbled up in a mixed-feelings du jour. it seems as if i couldn't stay likeable long enough to make it through the early phases.

just last week i flirted with a girl during some outstation. the way she responded was not promising but still very positive. yet, somehow i felt really guilty that i did. guilt\? how did that happened? isnt it supposed to be small amounts joy with a bit of giddyness and glee? this is somehow fucked up and it obvious that i have issues.

maybe it means i'm still not ready to be romantically involved. or maybe i should jump on the opportunity whenever it arises? i don't know this is all so confusing gosh.

i guess at this age its pretty common to have people tell you to get marry and stuff. Even my boss tell me that I should get married. but its all just social pressure and should give them the same answer as always: "When the time comes". (surprisingly, it kinda works across various situations. like "when are you going to do [activitiy A]?")

on an unrelated note, i sifted through my unpublished posts draft and i saw a post titled "akmal farahatul wahida". the contents were empty. i sure don't remember writing that one and i can't remember knowing anyone who goes by that name either. i guess i'll just delete that. or maybe just check what its all about later.

kirsten dunst turns you japanese

2011-05-18T01:26:00.001+08:00

I was like:

muh buh wha~?

I bet watching this video would turn you Japanese. Then, I'd be all like:

nuh duh nanii~?*

*copyright of Yahtzee, in his opinion on Yakuza 4. it is hilarious. seriously.

vague trap

2011-05-16T23:18:00.000+08:00

when someone say to you:

"I can be/do anything you want me to"

what they're also saying:

"I can be/do everything you don't want me to"

y'know. I'm just saying.

the effects of light sleep deprivation on writing quality and performance

2011-05-11T22:04:00.000+08:00

on retrospect, it is found that my blog posts posted off of prime time contains a number of typos and language mistakes. these posts have varying posting times ranging from 1 am to 4 am. The variety of mistakes include missing letters, grammatically ambiguous as well grammatically retarded sentences, and inappropriate usage of certain vocabulary items.

it is concluded that writing/typing during light sleep deprivation can also affect the quality and performance of writing as well as motor skills. 12 am to 5 am aren't exactly the most ideal time to be working on some paperwork.

......who am i kidding? I used to do my assignments back in varsity off the regular awake hours. that's somewhere between 11 pm to 5 am. Sometimes, its a straight ride from 11 pm to 6 am. and got acceptably good scores for them, too. Man, those were the days. Now that I am having a hard time trying to get past 1 am, suddenly i feel so old.

kinect dance central

2011-05-11T21:38:00.000+08:00

Dance Central. Looks pretty darn fancy. It is played using Xbox 360's Kinect hardware. You could say that this is a dancing game with an actually dancing, rather than flailing your arm and legs about try to catch up with the floating arrows on-screen. The pretty next gen visuals aren't there just for shows, but they're truly a part of the play. remember the psychedelic colours, hip dancers and flashing lights in previous music games? those are examples of graphics as novelty. when you're dancing you're focused on the moving arrows rather than the background graphics. the on-screen dancers aren't actually dancing to your moves and, sometimes, their dance aren't appropriate to the music at all.
People may say the Kinect is nothing but a gimmick, which it may really be, however this has just introduces new ways certain games are supposed to be played. Instead of tapping on moving arrows, you might just dance for real (or close).

p/s: the dude thats playing this game is kinda annoying and creepy. wait until the games goes into freestyle, you'll see what i mean.

what are the chances?

2011-04-24T21:19:00.001+08:00

from here

I bet this happens a lot.

Y'know, the lingering stares. Stalling tactics.

Hoping for something more. Your brain processing ten things at once, in panic.

An unspoken argument with your conscience.

Only to abruptly decide to awkwardly end the conversation.

"Seize the Moment" is not as easy as it sounds.

I totally envy guys who could totally go up to a girl and do their thing.

Kuroshio Sea

2011-04-18T15:20:00.000+08:00

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd Largest Aquarium Tank in the World - Watch more Funny Videos

i have a fear for deep water because they're dark and because having my feet flailing freely underwater make me so insecure. this vid makes me want to drop everything and dive into the blue water. I just want to lie down in the bottom and watch the fishes swimming above. Sweet serenity. the music takes this video to great effect.

info: the "kuroshio sea" is the 2nd largest aquarium in the world. the music playing in the background is Please Dont Go by Barcelona.

You MUST view this video in HD if you have the resources.

Step 1

2011-03-27T23:16:00.004+08:00

Each one of these deserve their own respective posts but I'll keep everything micro for the time being. Gotta get some things off my chest.

1. Red vs Blue Episode 1: "why are we here?" why exactly? Me? One, as Khalifa' on this world. Two, my hard work landed me here. So He could grant me a chance for me to build character and stuff. Three, so I could figure out what I really want.

2. Been minimizing eye contact with the opposite gender lately. Didn't want to instigate much attraction. Have so much on my plate right now. Plus, I'm not planning on settling down at the moment. It would be inconvenient. At least, I think so.Either that or I'm just not in the mood to be socializing with other people. Faking interest and enthusiasm can be very taxing.

3. Still having trouble accepting change and the fact I have to change. Life's good but its happening quite fast. Deadlines, they don't wait for you to be ready.You have to be ready for it.

4. Doing my postgrad, but my progress is so disappointing that I begin to feel undeserving of the opportunity. Nevertheless, its times like these that test the strength of character and resolve and stuff. And I can see where I stand, in comparison a lot of other stuff. Y'know, sometimes, you have to compare stuff with lots of other stuff.

4. My life has been very very good to me, compared to other people. Its like I should be whipped with flaming lashes just for whining.

5. I'm being such hypocrite and a shallow prick. I like attractive women but I've made little effort to make myself physically attractive. I'm a sucker for a funny, intelligent and the no-nonsense female. This calls for exercise, facial products and (gasp!) lots of HAIR GEL. Why am I acting like I'm so desperate? Chill, maaan.

6. I'm a procrastinator because I'm the kind of guy who like to live on the edge. Girls are supposed to dig guys like me. I live my life on the edge. It supposed to make me look badass. I'm totally cool, bad and edgy. Why aren't there any chicks asking me out yet?

thats all for now.

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piracy is okay. sometimes.

2011-03-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

(if the fonts are too small, CTRL+MOUSE SCROLL for a better view).

I'm aware that a major disaster has hit Japan recently but I'm going to keep that for later. Right now I'm going to set things straight about a couple of posts I made some time ago. Back then, I was condemning the act of piracy and it turns out I'm a freaking hypocrite.

Its easy to forget your roots once you have it great. Yes, I am advocating the purchase of original merchandise, ESPECIALLY towards intellectual property (in apparel terms, not many can actually tell a difference and you actually rebel against capitalism. Outsourced yet overpriced brands, like that). Intellectual property (like music, movies, literature and VIDEO GAMES) is somewhat serious. Maybe its because I aspire to be a writer one day. They are clearly a product of love, hardwork and passion.

I thoroughly understand the need for us to pirate these things. We can't afford it. We need it. Paying for legitimate copies is impractical. I have been through those times when buying pirated copies was the only option. Originals were nowhere to be found, and if there was, its way beyond what my pocket money. And it getting them was way easier. And i don't need an active internet connection to verify my copy was original, plus i was entitled to unlimited installs.

Furthermore, piracy gave me opportunities to experience games and movies which I otherwise wouldn't be able to simply because I could afford it. I helped me broaden my horizon by costing cheaper. Some materials are not available on local shores and never even considered to be distributed locally. So, how do we get one? Bootleg copies, exactly.

Being a student is another thing. Oh yes. the student status. You would often get special rates for a lot of things. The movies, public transportation, recreational parks, the zoo, the museum, books and etc etc. Us students are one of the most poverty-stricken pity piece of slobs in society. Students are always always on a budget. Except you're one of those kids with ridiculous rich parents or you already have your own business going on. Piracy can really be helpful for the young scholars during tough times. Legal copies of softwares for analytical and constructive purposes can be damn expensive and no student would be able to afford a personal copy. Take SPSS for example. That thing costs a real fortune to own one. Or maybe Microsoft Office. Or Autocad. Or Adobe editing software. Its hard to imagine how a student could get through if they had to get those legally.

but now, times have changed. the internet is now blazing fast. Don't have a credit card? No worries, you can pay through wire transfer. Local companies are now stepping into the scene. We now have localized copies which are way cheaper than imports. We are now getting copies of games from Singapore. Publishers now are getting the message: easy is better than cheap. DRM (Digital Rights Management, or copyright protection for all you laymen and laywomen. Let's get laid) are no longer a burden. getting legal copies are increasingly convenient.

But if its still beyond your means. Its okay to pirate. Here are some advice if your conscience is bothering you:

Pirate only if the product is not available in the the market and stores. I know some valuable gems aren't available in local stores. Like the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Such a shame.
Pirate if you are skeptical of the quality of product. Make sure you buy it if you intend to have it for long term use.
Pirate if you really can't afford them. Buy legal copies once you do. C'mon. If you can afford to buy a thousand ringgit system, you might as well afford having legal copies. Video game consoles (and gaming PCs) are luxury items anyways. Movies productions aren't getting cheaper by the year and so does video games. there are a lot of cheap indie games out there if you know where to find them. Or you could try saving money. Like, reserve RM 20 every week. After a month or two, that legal copy would seem affordable. Decide on a few you really really like and go for it.
If you have a fast internet connection, try download the content instead of buying pirated copies from the market. I know this is debatable. I know the pirates have children to feed and shady businesses to run. But think; are you paying for something that is not legally yours or are going get them for free? TGFF (thank god for freebies).
Again, if you can afford them and you love them, why not? There are people who complain about albums and movies being sucky but has never paid a cent to view them legally. C'mon. They need money to produce the good stuff. And for motivation.

Pirates. Actual Pirates may vary in attractiveness.

life's good, eh?

2011-03-07T23:32:00.001+08:00

Life's good, eh?

(location: kg limbuak laut, pulau banggi)

2011-01-31T00:30:00.001+08:00

Imagine working all your life, clawing your way to the top, putting in long hours, neglecting the family, stabbing people in the back and generally being thoughy a shit by everyone you come in contact with, just to have a highway bridge named after you.

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A way to remember me + Rescue (Never Let You Down)

2011-01-27T00:12:00.000+08:00

I'm not really sure about the title but I'm sure its "a way to remember me". Superb performance by the man.
he made a lot of songs since the his last album was released. his songs will appeal to vocal power aficionados and casual listeners the same.

Try listening to his other songs from the same show here. (Don't worry they're perfectly legal downloads, courtesy of www.archive.org. you will need to have Winamp 5.6 to play them because they're in FLAC format - full lossless audio codec).

Or if converting awesome music between format is too much hassle for you, here another awesome song to help you justify the effort: Rescue (Never let you down). Jazzy with a hint of reggae. the [perfectly legal] mp3, here.

2011-01-24T00:46:00.000+08:00

alternative: be a grown up on working days. revert to an overgrown teenager on weekends and holiday breaks.

getting married is a worse case scenario for the time being. but from the way things are going, I dont see that happening anytime soon. I'm good for another few years.

I am so whiny and immature.

It takes practice

2011-01-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

when you're in love with something, its really hard to let go. even if letting go will do you so much good.

I love being young. I love being an undergrad (despite the whining during crunch seasons). I miss goofing off at times I shouldn't. But now I really really have to grow up. I work in a place full of grown ups. Everyone seems busy being a grown up. Juggling responsibilities. Making future plans. Thinking about ways of making more money. Marriage. Politics. World news. Cars. Sports. the economy.

back then it was so simple. but now, its like the whole world is on my shoulders. I held a share of public responsibilities. I had grades to improve (not mine), postgrad progress to report, financing, paperwork, documents to sort and stuff like that.

holding on means i wont be going anywhere. I need to go somewhere. it will a matter of time before this leads to regression.

Ultimatum: I must grow up. FAST.

Right now, I'm still a young and whiny little boy. I always thought this growing up thing is something that happens gradually over time. I would ease into it and wouldn't realize I did. Unfortunately, it happens right now. An active and conscious process.

I'm not ready but i will soon be. It takes practice, just like everything else. the sooner i get over this, the better (nooo!)

Regardless of the stupidity and vulgarity turns a lot of people off, that Stepbrothers movie made perfect sense.

2011-01-17T22:14:00.001+08:00

made some minor adjustments to blog. page width has been modified to fully utilize the available space. in the previous width, i had to resize youtube videos so they can fit in without skooching over to the sidebars. HTML previous seemed like a diarrhoea of source codes, but thanks to this very helpful post, problem solved. there was so much real estate wasted back then.

fashionable gloves

2011-01-15T00:14:00.000+08:00

pics from Mechanix

A pair of tactical gloves would be really fashionable. I'm thinking of getting those kevlar ones or those fireproof Nomex(tm) kind of deals. So they wouldn't be just for looks because you can totally rely on them to protect your fleshy hands. They would be totally great if I were to go for outdoor activities.

Skin tight jeans. I mean, why would anyone do that to themselves? Those things aren't even elastic or whatever. I understand the need for skin tight clothing but there must some other comfortable fabrics out there. Right? Right?

There are people close to me who keep bugging me to buy a pair new jeans: I just did, like, last November. So, I'm good for another year. Or two. Mom kept telling me to buy new clothes. Nice and fashionable ones. Not like the bland, plain ones I prefer.

btw, i totally dig the desert-colored mechanix gloves.

life after varsity

2011-01-05T22:32:00.004+08:00

strip taken from here

I think this comic probably describes best what i am feeling right now. the only difference is that my work demands a lot from me, so i decided to take my own sweet time. and not work like a dog.

maintenance underway

2011-01-05T21:32:00.004+08:00

im gonna take some time to update the blog's layout. the size of pics are quite limited, even when set to large. when i tried manually modded its pixel count in the design html, image quality and sharpness was compromised despite being its actual pixel count.

i guess its time to iron out the blog's design for once.

measure of a man

2010-12-28T20:55:00.001+08:00

From the way i see it, the measure of a man is based on these things: how much money he makes annually, his car(s) and his connections with important and famous people.

If this is the case, i can guess where i stand on the scale. If there is such scale. An obvious indicator would be the way how people extend their hand to you and how they greet you (or if they didn't).

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look at you

2010-12-17T17:33:00.002+08:00

truthfully, i should never freak out whenever i look at myself in the mirror. i am bloody handsome, mind you (i like to think i am). thing is, the longer i look the more creepy it gets. I start to see beyond the blemishes, the fatness and such. I see all the things i did wrong and i did not correct. I imagine how my face would look like when i have wronged others. I see how my lack of exercise and unhealthy lifestyle has led to how i look today. I see...

...you can see how a piece of reflective surface can cause so much obsession and insecurities.
I have to start losing a few pounds.

on a side note, did you getting hit by grenades in COD: Black Ops can really hurt you? I mean, not by its explostions but by being directly smacked by a thrown grenade. Did you? I didn't.

See what I mean, here

(The Escapist Magazine is the only online news bulletin I frequent. Its pathetic, I know. World news just keeps getting depressing every day.)

rabies

2010-12-11T00:18:00.001+08:00

This is a serious concern. Played with a pubescent cat at cousin's house. Suddenly, it got agitated and bit me twice. I mean like REALLY biting me. 2 hours later, there was quite a racket behind the furniture. The cat was having seizures and it peed all over the place.

Rabies? The kitty recovered 30 mins later. But whats going to happen to me? Based on previous cases, diseases carried by animals double their potency as they jump species (i.e. bird flu). I am genuinely worried.

Im seeing the doctor asap.

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hanna the haggler

2010-12-03T21:30:00.001+08:00

On November 25th, witnessed Hanzie in a negotiation between her and a stallkeeper in Batu Feringghi. I was about to check out a stall when I saw her. The stall was selling table lanterns, the pretty very asian ones. She was ruthless and adamant. Stood her ground trying bargain the price to the lowest possible (as always, we try to get the best items at the lowest price imaginable.

Just like our Hanzie, the salesperson was pretty stiff too. By stiff, i mean, sticking to her "final offer". Thus, i am proud to say that the success of the purchase can be attributed not just to her ruthless bargaining ethic but also with the help of her accomplices. That would be me, taza, elvie and serra (i kinda like the idea of the mutual benefit we gained. I dont have to do anything but watch). We came into the scene as potential buyers, in hopes of success in Hanzie's negotiation thus getting a joint discount benefit.

The salesgirl finally gave in to her "awesome" bargaining skillz and we all walk away happy with our purchases. She managed to get away with almost half off of the original price - the stuff didn't actually cost that much in the first place. They were selling it with "tourist" prices.

Later, she explained it was only a matter of what you know. Or what she knew: the Chinese had this belief that you should refuse the first and last customer of the day. They bring you "ong" (Chinese term for fortune or luck, i dunno).

One more thing I've learned: Hanzie is an exploiter. In a practical way, though. The photo above is her looking smug (muka puas) right after the transaction.

In a related, Penang is a great place for a vacation, especially Georgetown. However, it is a very tourist-oriented location that prices are a tad bit costly for the average student budget. But there are still places where you can get things a lot cheaper, im sure.

I had a great convo-vacation and will write more about it later. Until then, that's all for now.

I wonder where's my next vacation gonna be? Will i be able to have enough to afford it? Will I have the time?

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anthony burgess and malaya

2010-11-24T10:02:00.001+08:00

I've just read Yasmin Ahmad's film. It is mentioned that Anthony Burgess wrote a book called the Malayan Trilogy. Really? He, THE writer of A Clockwork Orange? That IS a surprise. In his book, he stated that he is not proud of it despite it being his most famous publishing.

I love Clockwork. It dwells on what it means to be human. Good and evil is a choice. Depriving one that choice, depending on how you look at it, is rather inhumane - regardless of intention. However, that is no reason to stop convincing people to choose good over the other. Persuasion rather than forcing an ideal is in order, fortunately.

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train ride

2010-11-24T09:02:00.001+08:00

On a train bound for Penang. I'm sitting next to the window. As I watch the change of scene outside, I can think of one thing: cue soundtrack - Gypsy MC.

"Fame is nothing more than loving someone,
Fortune is nothing more than loving what you do"

now, would be a good time to reflect everything that has happened these past few months. Or read a book. Or get some sleep. Or whatever.

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indecent exposure?

2010-11-20T18:23:00.000+08:00

yep, another random post. hmm...went into a restroom/locker room in sutera just now. saw some old dude walking around in his birthday suit. that was probably things that would definitely go into my "must-not-see-ever" list. I bet these guys aren't from around here. there goes cultural sensitivity.

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2010-11-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

i take my liberties whenever i can

God Rests in Reason

2010-11-14T03:32:00.003+08:00

yeah, the title was a direct rip-off from a Mraz song. but here's a story i found from Disenchanted.com via Mightyinteresting.com:

“I had a vision this morning” the boy said to his father, “while throwing stones into a pond and watching the ripples. I saw another little boy on the furthest end of the Universe, on a planet so far away that if you’d shone a light in its direction on the second the Big Bang happened, the light still wouldn’t have reached it by now. And he was throwing stones into a pond just like me, and the circles were exactly the same.”

“They’re the same everywhere,” his father replied.

“So how do they know to be? Where did they learn their shape from?”

“Do you know what Pi is?”

“Yeah, we learned it in school last month.”

“Well Pi doesn’t have to be told what it is, just like 4 doesn’t need to be told it’s the sum of 2 + 2. And as long as Pi is what it is, every circle is the same everywhere.”

“But where do Pi and 4 come from?”

“They don’t come from anywhere, we just discover them whenever something happens. Numbers were always there, even if we never bothered to look for them, even if nobody ever drew a circle, or nobody ever threw a stone into a pond.”

Its the universe through the eyes of mathematical philosophy. From where I'm standing (or sitting and reading this), this is a discussion on the existence of God (that's Allah to you, if you are a Muslim). Regardless of what we do we, where we are and what we see - faith is always there with us.

4 and Pi is always the same everywhere and it is there even if we did not discover it or even more, look for it. so is God. the only difference is in how we look at it, only the concept being constant across different understandings. For atheists, the inner workings of science and maths is the act of God. the probabilities, multiple variables, and the one in a billion chances.

Concepts such as luck, fluke and coincidences: that is proof He exists. despite being dismissed as a mathematical chance. but how do numbers exists? how and why do we perceive numbers? there are differences of faith because that what is because human is all about. That is what sets up apart: capable of sentient thought and being totally random:

"You can have 3 geths argue in the same room and you get 3 different opinions. You put 3 humans in a room and you get 6 different opinions. Or more."
- Geth, Mass Effect 2

It is our strength. Sadly, that could also lead to our downfall.

Korean Cyberathletes

2010-11-14T03:27:00.002+08:00

"To win a championship, you must have APM (actions per minute) between 200 and 300". That is fast. the normal person could probably do 60. I could hardly do 40 (an estimate, did really measured the thing).

And, "you can be fast, but not too fast". WTH, 200+ APM isnt fast enough? and you say not too fast? I'd replace my hands with a spasmic spider and still wouldn't go that fast. Its mind-boggling.

unproductive counterproductive

2010-11-09T23:23:00.002+08:00

I am quite bogged by work and everything lately. I have my holding-everything-off until-they-dangle-precariously-at-the-edge attitude to thank for. there's the postgrad proposal due this monday, some holiday-trip planning (which loses direction, but i'll fix that soon) and of course, marking those DREADED exam papers. One of the teachers here said: "If they had to answer one paper, we had to answer, like, [one paper times number of students times number of classes]. yeah, those white-haired dudes weren't kidding when they say being a teacher is a whole lot of shitstorm going on all the time.

This afternoon, during lunch, the principal reminded me to prepare a paperwork on next year's six months English intensive programme. By next week. You see, there's thing between me and paperwork. We never get along. Like my blog here. I noticed my posts have become shorter every time compared to when first got into this blogging thing. Even this blog lacks direction! Posts are random, hardly inspiring and whiny at best! I do have a plan though: to blog about independent games and how I explore their value.

I just woke up from an early sleep (8pm, earliest ever!). And now i find hard to focus on whatever work I have to do.

Over these past few months, I've come to realize that I am all that I don't wish to be: I am vain, materialistic, arrogant and ignorant. But for once, let me live the dream. I'm no saint.

p/s: If the trip does not go as planned, we might have to do it the real backpacking adventure way.

2010-11-04T00:06:00.003+08:00

I have learned:

That you can have faith but you can never be too hopeful.
No matter how promising something may be, always keep at least a few toes on the ground.
Beating around the bush is bad for you.
You will never see it coming until its right there staring at you.
Always know that you have everything to be thankful for.

If forgetting these lessons don't kill you, it would definitely tear you apart.

p/s: a bit emo tonight. I need motivation. I am pathetic.

xperia x10 gets an update

2010-11-03T21:13:00.003+08:00

a phone with powerful hardware but paired with somewhat lacking software. SE recently announced they're releasing an update: upgrading the buggy 1.6 android to vers. 2.1.

read here

i hope it fixes whatever problems the phone is having at the moment. I'm looking forward to that because I'm thinking of getting one someday. And please do not suggest me the iPhone. It is SO mainstream. everybody wants an iPhone. Its such a waste for a sexy device like this to not get the recognition it deserves. Hold that thought: recognition will make it mainstream. better not.

Mood: ^__^

2010-10-30T23:19:00.003+08:00

Celebrated mom's belated birthday this week. Treated her to dinner at Secret Recipe (along with dad, my little brother and sister) and let her order whatever she wanted. There was slices of cake, some pastry with chicken and such. It does cost a lot but not really a dent in the bank. I've spent way more money on ridiculous stuff. Take my Razer Lachesis, for example. 9 out of 10 of the people I've shown it to tell me I'm ridiculous because I could get a slightly better one for 3/4 the price. Hey, it was sleek and sexy! (Doy! I am vain).

The next day I spent outing with some of the people I miss the most. We did a lot of catching up. Stories were shared. Jokes were told. Gossips were...uh....gossiped. Debts were settled. Feelings reaffirmed - well, not really really reaffirmed but i felt somewhat fulfilled and some unspoken promises were made and shown. Well, it felt like there a lot of promise. Love can't be rushed.

All in all. I felt really good tonight. I can really feel the difference made by my improving mood. I am totally psyched up. I think I've just found the kind of morale support I needed all along to get through the difficult days ahead. I just need to pray that I won't lose it.

I think I'm ready to go back to work this Monday.

p/s: that Xperia X10 looks really sleek and sexy! Since i'm not going to get an iPhone4 (it is SO mainstream), it'll be in my wishlist this end of the year.

p/p/s: Oh yeah. This is Jason Mraz's cover of Carlos Olmeda's Dear Anna. The lyrics' kinda cheesy but i think it was well-written. Dig.

supporting your favorite industry

2010-10-20T23:23:00.009+08:00

Being alive is one big hypocrisy by itself. Some of the things we do to ourselves; our way of life, how our "needs" ravages the world around and etc etc, justifies that we're better off dead. However, i'm not going to talk about some confusing, over-complicated existentialism crap (because I often confuse myself. Often.)

I'd like to rant about our hypocrisy as consumers (don't worry, this includes me). Often I came upon people who claim to be big fans of some music band. They wear their t-shirts, have their mp3s on the portable players, dress like them, always talking about how awesome the band is and simply being hardcore fans. the problem? try asking them if they ever bought an album. an original album. I always use this fact as my favourite counterpoint whenever someone compares and questions my preference for music.

"So, you're a die hard _____ fan, huh? When was the last time you bought their album?". Snap!

I always tried buying originals whenever it is convenient. I got myself legit CDs back when I was a fan of Mariah Carey (embarassing confession!) but now she sucks hard, and im not just talking about her music. When I got into Silverchair, I bought a cassette. Living in Shah Alam, I had access to original PC games which cost me an arm and leg (a full-blown gaming PC cost me my soul).

Its sad and funny how we often steal from the people we love to see grow into something awesome. I guess this could possibly be the reason why local artists are very desperate in the first place.

In a related topic, I recently made my own Paypal account. Its amazing how convenient this thing is. I don't have fill in my CC details (no., billing address, mother's name, name on card, security number, online pin, etc etc) for every purchase. all i have to do is login into my account and your purchase detail is automatically filled in - total price in foreign currency and MYR. I dont even have to reveal my credit card information.

Being a gamer does not necessarily means you have to break the bank to enjoy games. I'm showing my support for the indie games (they are the pc gaming equivalent of indie music) industry. You have garage bands, we have bedroom coders. Its a great way to enjoy gaming without the need to own bank-busting PCs (im playing on a recently outdated laptop). Plus, they're really cheap!!

VVVVVV (or theletterVsixtimes)

On paper, the premise of this game is TOTALLY BORING: You flip your character up and down in order to avoid obstacles. In the hands of untalented designers, it is. That's not the case with Terry Cavanaugh. He made it very exhilirating. Flawless execution of moves is the greatest satisfaction in Cavanaugh's world. Here is the promo from Youtube:

I'm against advertising stuff in my post but i felt guilty for downloading this awesome piece via torrent. Its available via http://thelettervsixtim.es/ and Steam for the price of USD 4.99 (MYR 16.29). If you're (a nerd like me, or appreciate music in general) into 8-bit chiptunes be sure to check http://www.souleye.se/ for the full soundtrack (bought the full album for 4 bucks, best deal ever. the techno/electronica beat is awesome).

pro-tip: after you bought the album, let Souleye know by email that you saw his post in a thread from ThePiratebay. He'll acknowledge that by giving you a download to one of his exclusive unreleased mp3. Hell, you dont even have to buy his album for that.

Minecraft

Remember Farmville (or any one of those Facebook crap)? Remember how you spent hours slaving away trying to reach the next level so you unlock higher tier items? How spending hours, days, weeks and getting rewarded by some useless decorative ornament? Those days are totally over. Minecraft lets you do everything in real time and its nowhere close to those facebook crap you've been playing.

Its THE real sandbox game. its like a big ass virtual LEGO box. you don't wait for items to be accessible and you don't have to earn virtual money. you work your ass for that and there's a whole lot fun in that. even single equipment is manufactured. You can dig underground as far as you want. I had fun making a stone cottage on top and an elaborate labyrinth beneath. you can try fabricating almost everything imaginable. this video below shows how someone made a rollercoaster using the tools given:

Available from Minecraft.net for €9.95 EUR (MYR 44.15, totally bought it. you know me.). If that costs too much, you can play it for FREE in you web browser. There's multiplayer too!. Its still in alpha stage but for paying gamers, always know that you will always get updates for no extra charge.

warning: It is G-DAMN addictive. take my word for it.

hmm....this post has turned into an ad. and don't get paid for it. Let just say this is how I show my support for my favourite industry.

p/s: Its getting late and I have work tomorrow. See ya.

Kek

2010-10-15T00:42:00.002+08:00

Cerita ini berdasarkan keterangan seorang saksi yang berada di tempat kejadian.

Setting: Dalam pejabat. Tengahari.

Cikgu A: "Puan. Suka. Makan. Kek apa?" *dengan gaya ala cheerleader*

PK HEM: "STRAWBERRY! STRAWBERRY!" *sambil menari*

keesokan harinya, Puan membelanja guru-guru di kantin makan kek yg ditempah khas (bukan kek strawberi seperti yg diharapkan).

hahahahaha! WTH man!

Who I am Today

2010-10-02T20:10:00.005+08:00

For every acquaintance made, parted with, they gave me a small piece to add to myself. And to swap the pieces i need to let go. This is dedicated to those people.

I thank the boys who kicked my a-s when I was 17
I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean
I thank the bullies for body slams and accidents and then some
They shaped my life; they made me like who I've become

I thank the girls who gave a hand and showed me how to dance
I thank the ones who passed who never gave a second glance
I learned that it's okay for some to go and some to stay
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today

thank the captains of the boats who brave the sea
I thank the farmers for the sowing of the seeds
I thank the men who paved the roads I'm travelling on
They shaped my life, they took me down the path I've gone

I thank the volunteers for giving up their time for free
I thank the engineers; all those who keep our water clean
I thank the janitors for all their years behind the scenes
They shaped my life they taught me generosity
They shaped my life they let me see who I could be

Thank the boys who kicked my a-s when I was 17
I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean
I thank the bullies for all the names they called along the way
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today

You shape my life. You make me love who I am today.

-Jason Mraz, Who I am Today

Life is Good.

next up: unicorns!

2010-10-01T16:25:00.003+08:00

My entire love life is like a cross between chasing rainbows and shooting for the stars (while hardly landing on any moon). Faced with so many awkward and "oh-shit-this-burns" moments, one might ask why would anyone put themselves through all that again?

I admit it is exciting every time and I do not compare one experience with another. Each one is great in its own right. Another reason is that I am just plain stubborn ("tubal" some people call it).

Best of all, I'd do it all over again just for the sake of keeping dreams alive. Its something like optimism or just having something to look forward to.

p/s: probably the cheesiest post ever. like XXtra Cheese on the Crust cheesy. No shit.

(unauthorized image from Google Images)

quick update

2010-09-28T00:02:00.005+08:00

got a lot of ideas on what to write lately but unable to realize them due to the lack of willpower and just being plain complacent. I probably wanted to say i had a very "ideal" day last week. It was a wednesday.

Came to work. Sat down and did some paperwork. Went to class, lesson went particularly smooth (not that it was successful, though). Right after that, went to join with the other teachers at the cafeteria. Updated on recent events and gossips along with some drinks and morsels. went back to the staff room. continued writing LP for the next 4 days. Watched and laughed at the other wackier teachers while waiting for the final bell to ring. Punched out. went home with the boys. got online for an hour and took an afternoon nap afterwards. Took a bicycle ride for at least 7km.

It felt perfect. I wish everyday felt that way.

So, that aside, here is the latest to do list:

1. Read at least 2 articles per week. Dr. Ros been breathing down our necks for this 30 Sept deadline.
2. Save money for a netbook. I totally need it.
3.Save money for graduation-vacation. can't wait can't wait can't wait.
4. Buy a smartphone (NO HUZEN NO! *slap*)
5. Settle outstanding credit card debt.
6. Pay Dad.
7. Give younger sister some money (hmm..., DENIED! HAHA!)
8. Wash socks. Seriously. Wash socks.

So, I'd better get on with my proposal. Then, procrastinate some more. Maybe not.

listen

2010-08-30T23:45:00.005+08:00

One of the things I hate the most is when people telling what I should do and what I should care about. This might make sound arrogant, selfish and all but that's how it is. Even more irritating, I usually listen to their advice and just nod back (my way of showing approval, "yeah, I hear you"). Most people have the nerve to "insist" their ideas on me (read: shoving them down my throat).

All my life I felt everyone is trying to assert some amount of control over me.Like I said, telling me what to do and what I should be concerned about. Sometimes, even putting words in my mouth (even though I don't have a lot of words to go around with). I really hate that.

I just want someone who listens. I mean, someone who would listen without being judgemental. Someone who wouldn't force an advice when I don't ask for any. I need someone who listens. And people who really "listen" are very hard to find.

2010-08-21T11:42:00.003+08:00

Ini adalah tokek.
Beliau sangat femes di pulau ini.
Beliau merupakan penghuni asal(tetap) di kediaman saya.
Beliau gemar mengeluarkan bunyi aneh ketika senja berlabuh dan jauh di tengah malam.
Beliau juga merupakan seorang yang pemalu.
Beliau tidak seperti cicak yang lain
kerana beliau adalah seekor tokek.

home is where the heart is

2010-08-04T22:16:00.003+08:00

what really pains is the fact that i find it difficult to adjust myself socially. Its hard for me to be myself here: the part of me who is totally unfit to be a teacher. even more, this is a place where teachers are respected individuals and people know who you are. It wouldnt be smart to start being myself right away.

I have always been away from home for the most part in my life. So, im used to not missing people so much. Yup, you guessed it. Im starting to miss people. I miss the people who I am comfortable with. I miss the people who are more accepting of who I am. I know I should not be judging people but I know the people here are the kind who would not be as accepting. I just know it. Oh well. Time will tell.

but really. I miss the people who mind me goofing, perving, and dicking around. even in their faces. Oh, how i really have to grow up. I had to get out of my comfort zone sooner or later, which is now. but i REALLY hate being what people expect me to be. what they had in their minds how i should be. Oh, how individualistic i am.

for the time being, the best i could do is to be committed in getting the job done. Our lecturer, Mr. Bala, once advised that we avoid going all out in the first few years of teaching. Or we might risk total burnout. true. but like i said before in a previous post, commitment is difficult for me because I am like that of a gypsy. I am never in one place for too long. I have been on the move for the most part of my life. now that my family had settled on a permanent address, I am not always home. And i know i wouldnt be long here.

I have a home to come back to. and this is not home.

p/s: omg, look at the time!

to all,

you have no idea how i miss the old days.

an update: the island

2010-07-28T22:54:00.002+08:00

yes, now im teaching on an island. sounds like im making a big deal out of it. probably i am. the island is pretty nice. the seaside is scenic and beautiful. its an hour ferry ride from the mainland, far far towards the ocean (no way you can swim back, smaller boats are in a hell of a ride if the weather's shitty.

the people's nice. the students still have respect for teachers. the principal is stern (really really stern) but he's a nice guy underneath. so, the people, in a nutshell, are okay. I have a lot of complaints but hey, i should learn to count my blessings because some of my friends are having it way way shittier. hell, what proof of a man i have if i cant overcome these challenges.

so, im gonna cut my complaints short. we're having problems regarding getting a place to stay. as of right now we are staying in the principal's home. ooh, staying with the boss. there are some suggested places: one is at reasonable price with 4 rooms but, there is catch, it is haunted. many have tried and left. so, i'll take their word for it: respect the locals and the environment you live in. one is on the seaside. during the monsoon it will be flooded by high rising seawater.

ok, thats it for now. To everyone this may concern, I kinda miss you all and I sometimes love you all.

I got a long day tomorrow. see ya.

p/s: i'll post some pics of the island the next chance i get on FB.

before the jump

2010-07-20T14:41:00.005+08:00

Marina Court and Promenade Apartments is a swell place to stay in. The rooms are sweet. the bathrooms are superstandard. Dinner in Promenade. Promenade is not the best in terms of its hotel rooms but the food is legendary across KK. We are totally spoiled.

..............

I've read of situations like this in a book once. A regiment of 101st Airborne troopers was fed spaghetti and ice cream the afternoon before they went for a mass jump near St. Mere Eglise for Operation Market Garden. Many, I mean MANY, did not make it through the night jump. Many were mowed down as they land on the ground. Some even died before they hit the ground. Some did not even make it out of the plane.

Analogies. I hope where they're sendng me is not half as bad as I worry them to be.

so thats it?

2010-06-21T18:02:00.002+08:00

last nite, there was noise (probably laughter) next door.

today, there was none.

The silence was not eerie. it was rather solemn.

in the entire top floor, there is only me now.

it feels odd. It feels like a loss.

I'm all (always) come and go but this is odd.

It feels like loss.

so thats it?

yeah, i guess this is it. and i think its my turn to go.

verbatim: facebook irony

2010-06-16T18:57:00.003+08:00

social network sites such as facebook, friendster, myspace and etc. are meant to bring/connect people together - some use that as their slogan.

An article from The Escapist reveals a recent study, almost 25 percent of facebook users have been dumped through the site. Most of them did not realize they were being dumped until they read a status update.

the M.O.: Change your status to "single", never return calls, wall posts and private messages. and wait.

You can read the rest here.

For those of you who had the privilege of having a person-to-person breakup/rejection, this should make you feel good considering that the other person still has the respect/guts give the news to your sorry face.

"Facebook can be a wonderful tool to manipulate a person's image for dating purposes as well as providing an easy way out when it comes to doing the dirty work." - Clifford Lerner

Recipe to something

2010-06-10T00:42:00.003+08:00

Here's a great recipe I learned. It called the recipe to Something:

(Nothing) + You + You doing something about it = something.

I hope it helps all you people out there.

ize of the world

2010-06-08T02:03:00.001+08:00

An egg to fertilize,
A pulse to stabilize,
A body to deodorize,
A life to scrutinize,
A child to criticize,
Young adults
to modernize,
Citizens to terrorize,
Generations to desensitize.

A desk to organize,
A product to advertise,
A market to monopolize,
Movie stars to idolize,
Leaders to scandalize,
Enemies to neutralize,
No time to apologize,
Fury to tranquilize,
Weapons to synchronize,
Cities to
vaporize.

-The Strokes, Ize of the world

limbo

2010-05-26T23:26:00.000+08:00

Its Wednesday already? It feels like Wednesday was just yesterday.

Waiting. I wonder how many of us enjoy waiting? Sometimes I do, for starters. Right now, it feels like I am in a limbo. Waiting really discourages from taking any commitment, let alone do anything worthwhile. I was thinking of taking a part-time but I just don’t have the network to find me one that fits the time frame I have at the moment. Well, that’s just an excuse for someone who’s too lazy to go out there and be found. Or do anything to be exact. the set of skills we have can’t be put to good use if you don’t have the connections who need them.

Every semester break feels like walking in a limbo. I just can’t get myself to do anything worthwhile, rather than just indulging in favourite hobbies and pastimes. I think its this “waiting” thing. Like I said earlier, waiting discourages me from committing to anything. Maybe I’m just committed to this “waiting” thing. Or may be it’s the anticipation that the wait will be over (whether I want it or not). A new semester comes after every semester break. A new set of things to do. To accomplish. To endure. But now, there won’t be a new semester (except when I start teaching). But it still isn’t closure. I want to say I have graduated but the status still is certified and official (convocation, I guess?). Hmmm….closure? That’s a big word. Closure.

Closure? Its funny how we spent most of our lives looking for a closure, or make one. Does closure means ending? C’est finis? Speaking of language, closure does not necessarily imply ending. More accurately, I think it means “to close an opening”. To finish what we started. Hmm….I think it does shows that a closure is an ending. Like, is graduation a closure to our 6-year crusade? Crusade is a big word and it does sound like I’m exaggerating. Our quest for good grades, recognition and accomplishments. I don’t think there is such a thing as true closure (except for Judgment Day, that is). Everything that happens in the so called “end” are merely a transition. Even closure is a transition.

The end of a 6-year course is by no means an end. It is just a transition. This limbo I’m experiencing is probably a phase in that “transition”. This is me moving from being a student to a graduate. And then to a practitioner. Or a post-graduate. Or a parent. Or anything I’m trained (or not) to do. This is me moving towards something bigger. This is us preparing for roles and responsibilities. This is us being involved in matters of real importance.

So, closure is by no means the end. It may be the end of something, of course. This is where the over-used quote “the end is just the beginning” falls into place. And then, life moves on.

Another week and I’ll be back to do things. Important things. The only demotivating part of the teaching profession are the things

“Love is like a wonderfruit. One bite will have tens of flavours and sensations spreading across your senses. Sometimes it happens so fast you can’t tell in what order the come into you. Sometimes it happens simultaneously, making you think it’s all in one big flavour. I don’t know if there was ever such a fruit.”

Pedo-bear Platinum Sign of Approval

2010-05-16T12:30:00.003+08:00

Who to blame? this poll gives you a list with who to start with.
(click to enlarge)

A bunch of skimpy dressed 7 years old dancing to Single Ladies is causing an uproar at the Escapist. Read the forum here. What do you think? Some may not see this as a problem. I am neutral at the moment of typing.

This the aforementioned video:

2010-05-13T10:14:00.000+08:00

"Its just you and me. And nobody has to know"

quick update

2010-05-13T02:03:00.002+08:00

so, a lot have been going on in the last few weeks. I can't decide on a decent topic to blog about. Did I mention that I had an awesome vacation? Yeah, I had awesome vacation with friends. In our farewell dinner, I was voted as "The Committed One" (whatever that means, I got a plaque to go with that). I think I am rather committed in being a total arse.

If I had to summarize what happened this post-semester, it would go something like this: a lot happened, a few didn't happen and a lot are going to happen. Is it possible to not hope but still look forward to something? I think I can make things right this time but a lot effort is in order. The best laid plans are meant to be ruined.

I just have to look forward to it, right now.

"Dirty Thunderstorm"

2010-04-20T13:20:00.009+08:00

pic taken from msnbc.com

In Iceland, instead of glowing, hot, gooey, orangey lava, volcanoes erupts with lightning. A lightning-spewing volcano? How cool is that? Its way cooler than a flaming fart. Also less disgusting, more spectacle and WOW! Factor. Occurred last 19th April. Expert call this one a "dirty thunderstorm". The volcano had a funky name (it looks like someone decided to randomly run their fingers across the keyboard): Eyjafjallajoku, if my sources are reliable, means "icemountainglacier".

Europe could possibly be the coolest travel destination. Niagara Falls? Grand Canyon? They're great but Mother Nature's pyro(or electro) techiques is cooler.

On a related news, many flights in Europe had to be grounded because of the ash spat out from the eruption. I know I shouldn't be excited as this could be a prelude to a global phenomenon (i refuse to call it a disaster). Dirty thunderstorms are considered a rarity.

I swear it looks like straight out of a sci-fi.

Bollywood Halo

2010-04-02T20:50:00.003+08:00

I

OMG.

OMG.

Man,

I'm just lost for words.

Children's Choir: Still

2010-03-30T20:55:00.004+08:00

A school teacher decides to arrange a children's choir rendition of Still Alive from Portal. It turns out to be cute, especially with the neon dress. Another toast to the celebration of geek culture. So, where's the cake?

The teacher's blog, here.

It was easy

2010-03-25T01:50:00.003+08:00

What made it so easy for me, despite being hopeful, in denial and pathetic?

First, it was easy for them so I don't see why it should be difficult for me.

Second, I have always believed that there are bigger things waiting for them and I am in the way.

Who am I to deny them what they deserve? So, I stood out of the way.

It may make me look like a flighty person, but I'm trying hard to do whats best for them and what's right for me.

People say I'm too naive and too nice for my own good. Let's keep it that way.

Riddles

2010-03-21T18:52:00.002+08:00

I came across these two riddles when I was playing Silent Hill Homecoming few days back.

1. "What man loves more than life,
Fears more than death or mortal strife,
What poor men have, the rich acquire,
What misers spend, whats wastrels save,
and each man carries to the grave?"

2. "The man who devised it
does not want it,
the man who bought it does not use it,
the man who used it does not realize it".

Of course, I figured both out. And it was made easier because there were picture clues.

charcoal for diarrhoea

2010-03-08T03:38:00.002+08:00

few months back i found out that charcoal can be used as a remedy for diarrhoea. im not sure which charcoal but it involves activated charcoal, charcoal made very porous with large surface area ideal for absorptions and chemical reactions. I saw a few charcoal tablets in farmacies but im really curious about those charcoal in its raw form. Are they on sale? Are they safe for consumption? Which ones are they?

I also heard they work wonders in reducing flatulence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activated_carbon

I'm rather curious and concern because I want to make sure its safe to grab a few from the barbeque pitt when the time comes.

meet the new rig

2010-02-26T20:10:00.006+08:00

they say dreams really do come true. I've drooled on the pages of magazines. Now, I can drool on my own desk.

dreams requires great sacrifice: money (obviously) and not going out for "sushi and good times" with friends. It was unbelievable that i managed to round up enough cash, and unbelievable still, i had give it all away at once. Could be the boldest move yet this year and I will have to cut a lot of corners to make through the upcoming months. This better be worth it.

what to do after a big upgrade? Re-install some old games from the shelf and push all settings to maximum, hence the Nvidia tagline experience ("Play it the way its meant to be played", finally).

re-quote

2010-02-03T01:06:00.003+08:00

those who read my blog may have read this quote before. I'm recycling this because this is what i feel right in this moment.

"...People are shit. Whenever I'm in a crowd I think "who left this shit all over the place?". I'm shit. You're shit. The world is shit. And if you're sitting there thinking "yes its true. Everybody is shit EXCEPT me"; then you're a double-bacon shit-with-large-fries, mr. shitface...

...Sorry, this reflects badly on me doesn't it? I should've said: Mr. OR Mrs. shitface."

-Bill "Yahtzee" Croshaw

...and this post reflects badly on me for re-quoting this quote. I am that bad in the first place.

Collectibles: Benchmade Knife

2010-02-01T01:32:00.013+08:00

I got this one from an outdoor accessories shop at a bargain price (10%, CNY discount). All I know that it is a Benchmade(R) Black Class. I suspect that this is China-made imitation (well, it is) due to the absence of a model specification, a certificate of authenticity and the not-so-expensive price. At the time of shopping, there were a lot of other options such as the bali-song (butterfly knife), tanto, bowie and KA-BAR knives on display. I guess this one stood out after I try each one for a feel. its like a personal preference thing.

This knife somehow felt right compared to the others. The weight (pretty heavy for its size) feels right and give you that tactile feel of holding something in your hand. the hilt and finger groove feels right on. Being a folding knife, its has a locking-liner lock mechanism rather than a spring - convenient. Although it is a medium sized folding knife, it still felt big on my hands.

the other side (extended)

During handling, the knife felt really solid. there was no rattling which is a rather solid quality for an imitation. swivelling the blade from its retracted state to the extended felt right (i guess the screws were locked using a torque wrench, giving it the right amount of torque = tension).

retracted

retracted (reverse side)

the blade (with serrated edge)

It came with a black Benchmade box. Y'know, like those one-drop perfume boxes. Or that premium tie-clip box.

on a side note, Benchmade is a popular American manufacturer - alongside Spyderco, Boker and Kershaw Knives. Unfortunately, that still didnt change the fact this purchased article is an imitation. I bought it because it was in my price range.

changelog

2010-01-27T00:01:00.002+08:00

26/01/10

the following changes have been made:

- added shoutbox to sidebar due to peer pressure.

- changed sidebar pictures

- removed pictures of breasts from sidebar, replaced by PSP Red.

- added new category: youtube of the day

- tried changing fonts. something went wrong. back to defaults.

- tried changing background colours. looked a bit gay. back to default.

- added music box. the page became annoying and increased load time.

- music box removed.

James@War - Owl City Parody

2010-01-25T13:42:00.005+08:00

James@War is a youtube artist who has made a number of entertaining parodies, combining popular songs and pop-culture. like talking about bad grammar a la "the way I are" by timbaland. but sometimes "the message is more important than teh Lolz". When I first realized this video wasn't funny, i thought he just made another crap.

Well, he didn't. And it isn't. It wasn't meant to be funny. Its true.

It reminds me of the things I've seen in that celebrity channel. it reminds of those immoral, ungrateful, snobbish and unbelievably rich teenagers in My Sweet Sixteen. It reminds me of their parents. it reminds of how other people who talk about "keeping up with the latest fashion" and how it is making them insecure. And it reminds me of how famous people with ridiculous amount of money say what is cool for us and what is not. It reminds of how people today idolize celebrities, a bit too much, over people who have made significant contributions to their lives - but never earned enough airtime on television.

Above all, it reminds me of how very "material"(or materialistic) we are.

p/s: oh, just in case your audio goes "blarg-blarg", here are the lyrics:

You would not believe your eyes
If I got a big surprise
And I threw a fit on my sweet sixteen

Cause nothing is good enough
And plastic surgery is tough
But I need to look
Good when in the buff

Since Im a big celebrity
The Earth revolves around me
Your disdain for my arrogance
Wont squelch my vanity
Cause Im oblivious to all but me

To ten million twitter fans
Ill tweet about clothing brands
And about how none of you are in style

So youll go and buy my things
And Ill go and buy more bling
So while you get poor
I get richer all the while

Since Im a big celebrity
You simply must adore me
Subconsciously youll bow to my
Superiority
Cause Im the cream of this society
Celebrity

My perfect make-up and perfect hair
(They look pretty normal under there)
Will make you all think you cant compare
(But thats not the truth hope youre aware)
And since my fantastic lifes so full
(Of drugs, fights, divorce, and alcohol)
Youll place me up on a pedestal

So Ill tend to scandalize
And youll tend to idolize
And you think lifes just about things and wealth

A model for all our youth
Youll take what I say as truth
And not realize its best to just be yourself

Since I have more money than you
I matter more than you do
And you should do whatever I
Or my friends tell you to
Cause thinking for yourself is so uncool
Celebrity

Yeah, Id like to make you all believe
That you should be just like me
So dont aspire to live or think
Independently
And one day youll be empty just like me

butterfly effect

2010-01-23T09:09:00.002+08:00

Humans are inquisitive beings. We question things and ask questions. We do insist, even when there are things that are not meant to be questioned. but you know how it goes: there will that isolated case where one does. if one really insists, one must be truly committed in finding the answers. Being half-hearted in pursuing those answer can lead to catastrophic consequences. Sometimes, so is when you finally found the answer.

i guess its nothing unusual to have secrets. everybody have secrets. there are things that you just can't tell others. And there some things in particular that you absolutely can't have anyone know, including those close and dear to you.

Ever had a secret you thought you must never tell anyone - no-one and everyone? A secret you thought might change your very life 180' on all 3 dimensions? A secret that cause ripples across the fabric of society itself, destroying not only you but all that everyone knew and ever believed in? Or a secret so unacceptable that it will only destroy you and all that is evidence to who you were and have been?

i hope that none who are reading this are carrying that burden.

hypocritic oath

2010-01-07T00:34:00.001+08:00

"one may change his or her belief and principles whenever it is convenient"

at least hypocrites can have some sort of integrity.

a rather fruitless december

2009-12-14T15:20:00.002+08:00

when you're used to being healthy all year long, a simple fever can bring all sorts of pain and suffering.

we fear death. as evident in a recurring dream, where a small bonfire is like an oasis in a cold snowy field. it gets further as i walk towards the warmth. like a mirage. the bonechilling cold never subsides. nothing i do makes it go away.

december. I am reduced to a penniless hobo trying to make little go a long way. a little can go a long way.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

2009-11-20T02:01:00.002+08:00

remember that word people say to be the longest word in English? that supercalifra-something-something? tongue-twisting.

I can't actually remember the name of the movie which introduced the word but I'm guessing it must have something to do with Mary Poppins.

While I was browsing the Net in search of famous internet memes, for personal research purposes (y'know memes like "all your base are belong to us", "O RLY?" and things like that), I found this.

I know what most of you might think before you even want to click that PLAY button: "This is another one of those internet remixes, which will be silly and I don't to waste 3 minutes 11 seconds of life as I have wasted the last 4 minutes visiting this blog". It might not be up to the tastes of most people but let me assure you that. I find this remix very....very....i don't know the word for it. "Good", probably. "Surprisingly catchy", yes. It has that feel of a Euro-Pop mix. Kinda like one of those Euro trance music those guys in Europe make.

If you like it, the author have generously provided a link to a free download of the mp3, here.
Or directly, here

assolatukhiranminannaum

2009-10-29T00:36:00.001+08:00

so that's why...

death toll

2009-10-13T00:37:00.006+08:00

the heat of H1N1 seems to have died down a bit. I think the whole nation was pretty terrified by then. A strain of flu capable of transmitting through physical contact. I think the people responsible did a great job keeping the flu from blowing out into epidemic proportions.

However, there are things more terrifying than a strain of animal flu: the road. So far, there are only 77 fatalities recorded for H1N1 within a period of almost a year after it struck. I admit 77 is a big number, I'll give you that. In the recent Ops Sikap conducted during the Raya season, death has reached up to 210 deaths - within 2-3 weeks. This number easily overshadows the H1N1 death toll.

H1N1 suggests a death rate of 6.41 people every month - scary number!
Get this: this means that death rate on the road during Ops Sikap (2-3 weeks) is 70 people per week, 10 people daily. Which is really terrifying. H1N1's death toll has been made insignificant in comparison.

H1N1 is fatal to those who belong in the high risk population: children, seniors, pregnant women, diabetics, low immunities and those who have serious ilnesses. Other than that, your chances of hitting it are close to none. what about roadkill? Just about anyone has a chance - as long as you're on a road or a highway. Sometimes, it doesn't matter whether you are a careful driver or not. Some accidents happen because of someone else's recklessness.

What bothers the most is not many realize the danger they are going through while on the road. Some people fail to realize the amount of carnage that is bound to happen when two tonnes of steel collide. there are opinions that suggests that the disturbing death rate roots from our attitude on the road. I have no objections there. Some attribute the quality of vehicles (especially local brands, lacking safety features and such) and poor maintenance of the vehicle itself. All the opinions points out that ignorance is the leading cause of death. I wouldn't argue with that.

Some might say that death is fate and there is nothing we could do to stop them. I beg to differ. Yes, I know when its "time", its "time". No stopping that, I believe. I believe that we can decide how we would like to "go". I mean, if not then how did the phrase "mati dalam kekufuran/keimanan" exist in the first place? it clearly shows that some parts of fate can be changed, even death. death is inevitable. but how do we "go" is something we can change.

If the time should ever come, let it be because of fate. Not of ignorance.

Ignorance should be considered as a natural cause of things to happen, like fire and stuff. Because it comes naturally.

Gamer discussion: FPSes and some comments on REALISM. And also FANBOYISM.

2009-10-05T02:28:00.006+08:00

hi. Im pretty simultaneously busy and lazy to write anything thoughtful or useful to anyone or myself lately. So...lately, I have a crush on just about every cute girl i meet.

nah, im just playing with you. I can guess that hook didn't work too well.

Between this year and next year, there's going to be a number of great games I'm really looking forward to. Most of them are FPSes (first person shooters). Let me tell you: teasers, trailers and live demos are great marketing strategies. It helps to keep the consumer base salivating and wondering about whats more to the product. The mind would be playing simulations of what fun gaming possibilities are possible based on what they have seen and that fuels the curiousity and desire to obtain the specific product. There's going to a lot of competition next year for game companies.

Theories aside, whenever I watch videos or read of communities sites I can't help but notice user are badmouthing each other because of several differences that didn't really matter at all. For example, which platform (XBOX360, PS3, PC and stuff like that) is better? It doesn't really matter if yours is the best. I guess the reason people keep flaming other platform users while trying to prove their point is that deep down inside they felt disappointed that they are stuck to playing on the same platform. They lack opportunities to explore other platforms and see what others are talking about.

My point is: if you really think a particular platform is better, please try to avoid condemning (do the words fit? thats like 3 verbs in a row) others. Yes, I understand your enthusiasm trying to convert others into joining your beloved platform. But these people might just be like you. Most people can't afford to enjoy more than one platform. I mean, I couldn't and probably won't have enough financial stability to do so for years to come. Its at least fair to let us enjoy what we have. I think its ok if we could try to politely convince (again: verbs 3 in a row) others if the current platform is just pure marketing bullshit and people are getting their money stolen under their noses.

i could go on and on but lets move on to: REALISM.

Another major topic discussed by gamers everywhere. Realism in graphics: realistic graphics seems to be a major appeal for most gamers (or people who think they are gamers. Well, I'll discuss on what is a real gamer and types of gamers in another post). there are occasions where some of my friends saw me playing classic vintages I've grabbed from abandonware (google it) or bootleg game sites (I'm still buying originals, though. If wallet permits - another topic to consider: Piracy. Later posts i guess). They were disgusted and appalled at the sight of me playing them. y'know games like metroid, doom 2, planescape torment and warcraft 2. They said: "Eww, the graphics are ugly" or "Buruk juga dia pny grafik".

"Yeah, if you notice, these games date back to the 80's and 90's. I guess you weren't a gamer back then" i thought. i became a gamer somewhere in the 90's (how that came to be is a slightly interesting story - save that for later posts). I understand that visual and audio appeal are important but i doesn't translate to real value. Shooting the same stuff and walk through the same artistically and beautifully designed landscape can get dry real quick.

Let's see the realism aspect of gameplay. Most gamers whine how unrealistic games can be. Like, how you run, jump while gunning and still hit a target. how you can be revived from a quick zap with a defibrillator. How you can survived a grenade blast. It goes on and on. Let's get the facts straight: when there's a high degree of realism, it is called a simulation game. Face it, simulators are boring if you're not into that shit. they are the least fun for gamers who think of 2D graphics like girls with no "feminine" features (but they still make up with their personality. All the time). If you think realism is they way to go, try playing Armed Assault 2, Operation Flashpoint or America's Army. I might enjoy them because partly maybe I am a military geek.

I'm not sure how many would enjoy playing shooters with no crosshairs, no ammo count, no HUD notification of where a shot is coming from, no health bars, no minimaps, how equipment weight severely affects performance, one hit kill and other stuff that happens in real life. Like weapons malfunctioning when sand and water gets into the bolt mechanism. Then, you would have to play a minigame where you desperately do a takedown on your weapon and clean vital parts - all during a firefight. Like thats possible.

America's Army 3 for example. Your soldiers are bound to the Rules of Engagement, ROE (google that too), which means you cant be shooting every all moving object you could put a round into it. you'll have to identify it as threat. Do they carry weapons? Are the colours hostile? What are the circumstances? Do you have orders to engage? Where is your superior officer in the situation? Are they retreating (according to the Geneva convention, you can't shoot combatants in the back or when they are retreating)? For the average gamer, its all too overwhelming. Face it: most gamers are a shallow bunch. they gawk at hot beach girls with fake titties (ok, well. not all of them).

what I'm trying to say is: most real-life-like games are given unrealistic features because they have been tested by playtesters and proven to provide optimum excitement to players. Or in simple terms: because they are FUN. Face it: You come back home from work to unwind. Real-life involves huge amount of stress. You play games to get away from all of that shit (plus The Sims 3 is an evil game. YOU ARE THE REAL PUPPET). Unrealism can help give players through those "holy shit!" "Ahahah! Whoa that was wicked shit AWESOME!" moments we could remember and retell like a grizzled, bitter war veteran.

Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate realism. It takes real effort for developers to create a game with those minute details of realism. It can be exciting if you are genuinely interested. To me, a game is a product we buy with cold hard cash. It represents the investment and effort made by the hardworking people in a company. It is the fruit of their long brainstorming sessions finding ways to deliver us the excitement not remotely possible in real life. I am often put off by money making ploys of companies trying to make quick bucks. For example, games based on a movie franchise and one of those Chinese MMOs - little production values and the company owners posted in my PCGamer pretending like they know enjoy or give a damn about this whole gaming thing, if you know what I mean.

Finally, my take on realism: games provide you with the right amount of the right stimulus, your brain generates FUN. It doesnt get simpler than that. Im going to talk about political sensitivities in games but I'll save that for later.

And my take on FANBOYISM: well, maybe I won't say more on the matter but I would like comment on game famously known as DOTA. I don't hate the game. its fun. Its exciting. when played with friends. What disgusts the most is when someone plays DOTA a lot starts claiming themselves as hardcore gamers (like "DOTA is the best game ever in the universe" bullshit". Its a mod goddammit. Why Warcraft III didnt get any credit?). These people walk around like they're SO hardcore and start l33t-speaking about how they PWN the game and shit. Yes, your unmatched skill and vast insightful knowledge all the characters and item combo are valuable assets to the gaming community. "Oh, you do play other games? Oh, like what? Bejeweled? Diner Dash? Jojo's Fashion Show? Bejeweled 2?" Oh oh, and probably the only shooter you've played, other than CS, would be a game about a frog shooting colored BALLS out of its mouth which consequently blows up other matching color balls if they are 3 in a row (take a guess what game it is. Haha). I guess I am humbled because these games can't compared to the awesome skill requirement, which you possess, in DOTA.

here's a teaser video, on a game time proven to be fun (I hope):

I like what they did to the audio. the sound effects are awesome and spot on, especially the part during the deafening shellshock. Its been done before but its still awesome. the weapons have a satisfying feedback. multiplayer seems to be very exciting. Definitely something to look forward to.

anti-social

2009-09-27T22:43:00.002+08:00

-Bill "Yahtzee" Croshaw

Two clouds and a rainbow

2009-09-16T23:23:00.002+08:00

amazingsuperpowers.com

"What do those two clouds look like to you?" "They look like total pricks to me."

double kill

2009-09-15T02:05:00.004+08:00

The scorpion had the centipede, but someone's treads got the both of them. Then, they were sun-baked to crispiness. Quite close. Quite tragic.

*Note: Double kill is actually of a reference from Unreal Tournament 2003 and 2004, FYI to those who play Defense of the Ancients (you mortals call it DotA). All the kill announcements are taken from the same game.

"What comes after one? Two comes after one!"

2009-09-04T22:21:00.003+08:00

You'll have to agree with me that this is going to be a potential Hollywood movie. It combines the dark, serious tone of war with comedy elements of its characters. I really hope someone makes a movie out of this.

Can you see the potential?

"So you're suggesting the rainbow sprinkles is the way forward with the donuts?"

And the cinema trailer would go like this:

the backstory

Its just begging to be made a movie.

Wrist-Mounted Flamethrower

2009-09-04T00:28:00.002+08:00

You are a liar if you say don't want one. I want one. This is so AWESOME.

I want to mount one on my bike so no one would dare follow me from behind.

where did sleep gone to?

2009-09-03T02:18:00.003+08:00

I embrace the still silence and the cold humid night.
I sway with dizzyness and lethargy.
I play with words in an awkward manner, making mistakes on purpose. Or not.
I am glad I chose headphones over a set of satellite speakers. Late night playlists blaring on 70% and I'm the only one doing the jives.
I love it when the cat curls up in a fetal position on my lap as I struggle to plan my next lesson.
I find it amusing how a simple act of procrastination is capable of such grief and depression.
Yet, I keep repeating them like a dose of nicotine I can't get out of my veins.
Sleep has become irregular. Giving me an excuse to whine to my students about how my eyes are burning. It hurts.

Bad habits die hard. Real hard.

I might go deaf.

Do you want to date my avatar?

2009-08-20T00:13:00.002+08:00

the super viral hit music video on Youtube, scoring over a quarter million views 6 hours after its release. It features Felicia Day - from Buffy the Vampslayer and other shows. She's currently writing and acting in the webseries, "The Guild". Gotta admit the chorus is pretty catchy

The true geek fantasy.

good news bad news and stuff

2009-08-13T23:51:00.002+08:00

Having to go through a series fortunes and misfortunes can often throw your mind off-balance.

First, I found out that I had a new nickname given to me by the afternoon classes. Unfortunately, I'm not the most I'm the teacher "with the random stories". Come to think of it: I do tell them random stories during relief classes. I began to notice this after I had a long chat at the cafeteria and a student came to me telling me that I'm late for a relief class (?). Yea, so I went la. I was relieving a science teacher. As I came in, they greeted me, and they go:

"Teacher, tell us more random stories. Like last week."

And they'll be staring at me, waiting. I'll be staring outside the window (or the ceiling) for like 5 minutes and then, I abruptly go - "Hey, did you know that......etc etc?" I was a bit flattered when those kids were following me like some cosmetic/massage chair/special offer saleswomen, trying to get me into their class. A lot of teachers were out this week because they had to attend so many workshops and meetings. I should go out do more stuff or read more. I think I'm beginning to run out of stuff to talk about.

On the flipside, my random numbskullery with Dewi and Nurhayati at the cafeteria did cost me a bit of my reputation as a teacher. Some were shaking their heads listening to my idiotic disgusting jokes. They will NEVER see me the same way again. Didn't really matter though. They were from the morning session. Ha, won't be teaching them anyway. I made fun of their names and stuff. Fraternizing with girls, I also found out a secret about some girl named Margaret. So, I was like "yea, that's cool".

Above all, I realized how I was not really behaving like a teacher should. I would have to fix that someday. For the time being, screw it.

Bad news. yea, bad news. Someone broke into my room last nite and stole my phone. And my roomate's phone. And his phone charger. And his new pack of cigarettes. This is going to cause some financial headache. Thankfully that was all he took. I was glad he didn't took my laptop, or worse, my car keys.

Thank god for that.

Honorable Mentions: Best Photo

2009-08-12T00:38:00.004+08:00

This goes to Nur Hanna Hassan @ Kedek, for this awesome photo of me. Her awesome timing with the digital camera has helped made this "probably-the-best-photo-of-me-ever-probably" possible.

This photo somehow gave me the feeling of being a super youth, or something like that.
Whatev's it is, its awesome.

View photo here.

Or the full photo, here.

blue screens and being grateful

2009-08-07T00:58:00.003+08:00

Its, like, the umpteenth bajilion times this had happened today. A consequence of my efforts trying to squeeze out every single drop of performance out of the poor machine. Hardware and driver tweaks have lead to incompatibilities and other mishaps - hence the blue terror you see before you. They say you haven't squeezed out every single drop if you haven't used them for less than five years. This machine here has only made it halfway.

Sometimes I wish a kind soul would sent an M17 my way. I'd skip practicum for that to happen.

Nevertheless (or however), I'm still (very) grateful with having this piece with me. It has done me great service. And it can still do awesome things for me; burning awesome music on the awesome CDs, keep important (and not-so-important) stuff, play some wonderful music, good movies and read insightful articles, learn awesome stuff fro Youtube, web surfing - including writing this post rite here. I guess its going to keep serving me for a couple more years. Until its time to do what has to be done.

*kisses the LCD screen*

I'm going to stop squeezing juice out of the machine. For now. It deserves to perform the way it wants to perform.

What are you grateful for today?

How do I deal with this?

2009-08-03T21:59:00.003+08:00

I'll admit that I'm desperate for help.

There's this girl in a class I teach. I suspect that she's dyslexic. Sometimes I observe her doing her own work. What I saw: she was doing her geography homework - and she was copying the textbook. Word by word. Everytime I gave these girls some individual work, I noticed her friends are actually the ones doing the writing for her.

It calls for an investigation. I asked her friends about her, but I still haven't asked the teachers. I found out she had trouble reading. She had trouble distinguishing sounds and making sense of spellings. Dyslexic? There is a probability that may be so.

I found out even more beyond her impaired ability to read. It was test week during my first arrival at school. I was assigned to invigilate the Maths and Science test for this particular class. As I was doing my rounds, I noticed her arms. They were riddled with scars. There were some short and thick ones. But most were long thin lines criss-crossing her arms. A friend of hers told me that she had family problems. I was also informed that earlier this year she cut herself on her arms; she explains the reason for the long thin scars which caresses along her arms like a slithering snake making its way up a fair and smooth branch.

She didn't seem depressed. She was smiling a lot. She participated (and interrupted) during my teaching session. Well, she's quiet most of the time. Somehow, the more I look at her the more I saw. In her eyes I saw a quiet struggle. A struggle she took her sweet time fighting. She pushed forward but did not pushed hard. It felt like there's something big on top her - trying to crush her - but she's only holding it off where it only stops inches away from crushing her into singularity.

I have little experience with these kind of troubles. I live a normal happy life; to tell them I can help them would be a tad too difficult. I was also informed that she went in and out of counseling.

What do I do? How do I deal with this?

Killer Instinct

2009-07-31T02:05:00.001+08:00

Its just murder.

K-Orange Box

2009-07-27T01:57:00.001+08:00

Everyone loves karaoke.

Karaoke mode on
map: 2fort 2furious
song: my heart will go on.

Sunday Afternoon

2009-07-26T12:17:00.003+08:00

Sundays. I love sundays. I resent them too. Being the last few moments I had to do things I want and I love, and the next to be thrown into life's unrelenting challenges. Its hard to enjoy myself without having to think about those things.

I find this afternoon very ideal. I'm here sitting in front of my desk, behind the screen. Staring emptily into the bright sunlight every few minutes. Look at the beautiful blue and white sunny sky. I think I was just momentarily blinded, by the light.

Complains? I wish the good people here would improve their toilet accuracy, for both liquid and solids.

Other than that, I'm pretty much grateful for everything.
What are you grateful for today?

reflection

2009-07-26T11:44:00.002+08:00

yeah.

i was thinking of writing about my school experience but I already have a reflective journal (no, they don't come with reflective surface.) courtesy of the good people from the faculty of education.

I wish I was a cat. I'd sleep 15 hours a day. People will admire me if I had beautiful fur. I'd roll over and spread myself on the floor to get some attention. And I can play with my food before I eat them.

The Dreamlife Of Rand Mcnally

2009-07-20T22:54:00.002+08:00

Two dudes who really love what they do.

Catchy? Try the Ootmarsum Garden Party performance of the song here

Mind your step please. Please ah.

2009-07-15T23:17:00.002+08:00

Its a lesson I've learned so many many times before. Yet, it still happens. damn!

I walked into my first class of the day they were all nice and quite so, with a posture like no other, said:

"OKAY STUDENTS! Before we start, I'd like you clear your table and...."

Then, all of them looked at me. I was like "wah so good. i got their attention and stuff...". one of them raised her hand and said:

"Eh, cikgu..."

"Yes?"

"(half-whispering) kami ujian ni sekarang..."

SETAAAAAAAANNNNNNNn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ujian Setara 2 rupanya. That was very rude of me. Malu nak MAMPOS! Kalau mau, lama sudah aku bergolek-golek di lantai kerana ingin menahan malu tahap blackbelt. Excited punya pasal.

Pengajaran di sini?

"Lain kali tengok jadual betul-betul. Orang putih cakap: read instructions carefully."

Lets take a moment to...

2009-07-11T00:31:00.003+08:00

In a few days,
I'll be entering a place where the expectations are high
A place where slobs like me feel so out of place.
A place where I will be tested,
intimidated,
challenged,
pushed,
and
drained.

I'll be the Iceman,
the assertive,
the efficient,
the smiling,
the hardworking
and
the obliging.

The five years spent
bottles up
like a bubbling champagne
waiting to pop
the cork
into the unsuspecting eye.

This is going to be that
EPIC moment
when we will
make or break,
rise and fall.

The nerves? Its there.
Excited? Its only a step forward into the future.
More than excited,
I'm anticipating...

...and stuff right?.

"Remember that fame is nothing but loving someone, and fortune is nothing more than loving what you do".

- Gypsy MC, Mraz.

Teh millionth word

2009-07-11T00:03:00.003+08:00

The English Language has finally declared its one millionth word. "Web 2.0" has received the One Millionth Word honour, beating "Jai Ho", "slumdog" and "noob" off the top spot.. It is also my pleasure to announce that "noob" has finally been accepted as an English word. Look for it in a latest edition dictionary near you.

picture taken from here

"Austin, Texas June 10, 2009 – The Global Language Monitor today announced that Web 2.0 has bested Jai Ho, N00b and Slumdog as the 1,000,000^th English word or phrase. added to the codex of fourteen hundred-year-old language. Web 2.0 is a technical term meaning the next generation of World Wide Web products and services. It has crossed from technical jargon into far wider circulation in the last six months. Two terms from India, Jai Ho! and slumdog finished No. 2 and 4. Jai Ho! Is a Hindi exclamation signifying victory or accomplishment; Slumdog is an impolite term for children living in the slums. Just missing the top spot was n00b, a mixture of letters and numbers that is a derisive term for newcomer. It is also the only mainstream English word that contains within itself two numerals. Just missing the final five cut-off, was another technical term, cloud computing, meaning services that are delivered via the cloud. At its current rate, English generates about 14.7 words a day or one every 98 minutes."

extract taken from here.

In a related news, "Twitter" did not made Millionth Word race because it was already an English word, in relation to "tweet".